Hmm…Where to start? I’m technically not allowed on the computer now, but everyone is asleep and someone left the room unlocked. These past few weeks have been pretty odd around here. I guess a lot of it is my own fault for various reasons. If I’m going to tell the story I may as well start at the begining, the only problem is I’m not sure where the begining is anymore. Ever since I’m not quite sure when, one of my best friends at school and I had been growing apart. I’m not quite sure how or why it happened, but for a long time neither of us were willing to admit it was happening. Eventually the whole thing built up to where she began to resent me and to overtly show hostility towards me. Since she is the type of person that constantly puts herself in the center of things, when my friendship with her began to dissolve, most of my other friends slowly started to follow. So naturally I became more depressed and started to question a lot of things, including my relationship with my boyfriend. I let my mind wander and without even noticing it I had written him a breakup note. I did tell him about it later and I let him read it and he was nothing short of perfect about it. I started to feel like I didn’t deserve him and that everything was going wrong. One night I was at his house I took his knife that he got in Israel. It had a marble handle and a silver bear carved into the blade. It was really beautiful and I had this attraction to it. I didn’t want to kill myself, it was just a comfort to have it with me, I still can’t explain why. So to carry it home I put it in my backpack, and I fall asleep, exhausted and mentally drained from everything I have been putting up with. I sleep through the night and dream of blood. In the morning I wake up just soon enough to throw on clothes and leave, completely forgetting about the knife in my bag. Long story short, someone told on me, the knife was confiscated, I was expelled, and given a choice between mental hospital or jail. I chose the hospital and was checked in that afternoon. I met some interesting characters there, and all the doctors and therapists agreed that bringing a knife to school, with no intent, was not proper grounds for hospitalization, so they let me go home the next day. My friend Natan was down from college, so he and my boyfriend came to visit me when I got back. He told me he was going to Key West the next day and asked me if I wanted to go. I asked my parents, and after much convincing and sucking up they consented to let me go. I was ecstatic, and even more so when Natan made a surprise detour and picked up Ravid on the way. I had a great few days with the two of them, but my parents somehow found out that Ravid was there, and since I was only supposed to be with Natan, they were really pissed. That brings up pretty much to where we are now. I’m grounded from the phone and computer, I can’t take the car or go anywhere with anyone else, and I am completely forbidden from seeing Natan or Ravid. So I’m kinda going nuts here. It’s so boring around here when you’re not in school and you’re not allowed to do anything else. Yeah I know there was no point in this, I just thought people might wonder, not that I’m very important to anyone. sigh Wow, I’m sorry this got so long, I’ll shut up now.
Hey, now’s the time, now’s the place. If you can’t bitch here to your friends, what’s the point of this forum?
Talk all you want.
I’m sorry things have gone to hell for you. Keep your chin up, OK?
Things always seem to get better, in one way or another.
Hey hypergirl, go ahead and rant away. I really hope things work out for you, I’ve been through some dark times in my life, and trust me, you’ll survive.
As for your statement about being important to anyone, you know that there’s someone who’s part of your life that you are very important to. I don’t even know you, and I can tell you that you are very important to someone…
I love you Jess. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
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