Why I intentionally ruined your coffee beverage (and you don't know it)!

[What_Is_Schwa]

@PeterWiggen

I jumped right to the idea of skullfucking him.

Careful, someone might be sucking on a penis flytrap…

[Monty]

@What Is Schwa

My bad, I meant “one in general” and not “You, MONTY”

Gotcha. Thanks for clearing that up.

Penis flytrap? OWWW!

[Doctor_Who]

@Daisy Mae

If your Mommy ordered a tall coffee, she’d be doing more assuming the risk. She’d be ordering caffeine and, according to you, she’d soon be pushing up daisies by her own mistake.

Doh. Of course, I meant tall decaf. My mistake. :smack:

My example talked of a possibility of an ACCIDENT. Forget the OP, how about the carelessness of just plain OOPS that can happen any time there are human hands at work. If your mother’s allergy is that extreme, I hardly think it is blaming the victim to suggest that although she might have the almighty right to drink Starfucks coffee, it would be wiser for her to skip it altogether. Better to be alive and cautious than dead but correct.

Ok - if we’re throwing out the trainwreck that is the OP, then I tend to agree. If an accident happens, she would have been wise to skip Starbucks altogether. If your child has a peanut allergy, you’d do well to pack them a lunch so they aren’t at the mercy of the cafeteria. It’s the safer option - but people don’t always choose the safer option. It’s why we have convertables and bungee jumping.

So here’s the thing, and maybe I didn’t make it clear - suppose either example chooses the option that is less safe. Suppose my mother chooses to go to Starbucks, or the child with peanut allergies chooses to eat in the school cafeteria, that’s assuming the risk. They exercise diligence, and hope and pray against accidents. And if an accident were to occur, I hope you would agree it is ENTIRELY different from a disgruntled employee inflicting it upon them because of some imagined slight.

One is a sad situation where you can indeed question the injured party.

One is a fucked-up situation where you can only blame the perpetrator.

Fine by me but I dare say all the holes in my skull are going to be too large for the tool to be used.

Since I’m 6 inches … IN GIRTH … I have a very odd image of you in my head now.

Just kidding. Touche of course.

Also, on preview, re: penis flytraps. A wise caution indeed.

• Peter Wiggen

[Cheesesteak]

A person with a deadly caffeine allergy going to Starbucks for decaf is like a person with peanut allergies going to Peanut Butter Company for lunch and ordering the cashew butter sandwich. Actually it’s worse, because you can’t tell the difference between caf and decaf until your heart stops.

Don’t put yourself in a situation where a mixup in your order is going to send you six feet under. I would not trust any cup of coffee or tea or cola to be caffeine free if caffeine could kill me.

If you are relying on someone for your continuing health, from avoiding deadly allergies to unpleasant flatulence, it is amazingly stupid to treat that person like a chump. I don’t support doctoring anyone’s food, but I do support fantasizing about it on the internet.

[Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine]

@VCO3 in a previous thread

Starbucks consistently offers a nicer environment and a better product than indie coffee shops; that’s a given. But it’s the fact that their employees are so happy and friendly that seals the deal for most customers.

I hate going to the local independent place not just because it’s a cramped shithole with inferior coffee, but because I’m invariably going to have to deal with a poorly-groomed, surly hipster at the counter. Starbucks employees are always ecstatically friendly and cheerful; maybe it’s the health coverage for part-timers, the good pay, or the great benefits that the company gives them. I know about those things because the cute girl that works at my local Starbucks was raving about them while taking my order; I’ve never seen an employee so cheerfully going about their work, so grateful and happy to be working where they were (and I know several people that work for those “Forbes/Fortune 2-Billion best places to work”). Did you know that the average Starbucks employee has at least a bachelor’s degree, and that an overwhelming majority are graduate students? There’s something about that that really leads the place to have a higher standard of non sub-human behind the counter, and that just translates into a great place to be.

Nothing says LOL in size 18 font like this does.

Go on VCO3 what are those 2 bachelor degrees?

[BoBettie]

@CynicalGabe

I’ve worked food-service myself, so I agree that it happens, but to me, there was just a certain tone in the OP that made it seem like obvious hyperbole to me.

That’s exactly what I was going to post. I didn’t read it at all as serious, and it made me laugh. Man alive, lighten up already!

Also, this may be of interest to the “OMG GOD, someone gave my MOM caffeine and she’s DEADLY ALLERGIC!!!” poster-

http://www.abcnewsstore.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=customer.product&product_code=T051021%2001&category_code=HOME

"Decaffeinated coffee is now more popular than ever, with millions of people drinking it each day. Some people drink decaf coffee for health reasons, others because they just do not want the buzz from caffeine. But how do you know that, when you buy a cup of decaf coffee, you’re really getting a cup of decaf coffee? “20/20” puts the decaf cup of joe to the test… and the results just might surprise you.

“20/20” hit the road, ordering decaffeinated coffee at popular coffee bars, convenience stores and fast food restaurants in the country’s three biggest cities – New York, Los Angeles and Chicago. The cups of coffee were sealed, documented and then tested at a food laboratory, where the caffeine was separated, extracted and carefully measured."

That’s all the video teaser says, but the show itself showed that a HUGE percentage of the coffee tested were fully caffenated and if not fully, they had about half the caffeine of regular or more. Very, very few met the guidelines for what “decaf” coffee is supposed to be. One would think that if you were deadly allergic to something like caffeine, you would know that and take precautions. Talk about freaking out over nothing. (and “skull fuck”? what are you, in second grade? Or in a heavy metal band?)

[clairobscur]

@VCO3

Offense: Though I stood with my hand outstretched, you put your money on the counter.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you that you’d do something like this? I can’t think of anything more aggressively and unprovokedly rude to do in a situation where you’re a customer. I stood there with my outstretched hand, hoping to make things easier and hasten the transcation. You put - or more often toss - your money on the counter top instead of in my hand. Why would you do something like this? Do you think that I’m some sort of peasant, and you’re King Shit of Fuck Mountain, and I should have to crawl and grovel around on the counter to pick up the money that you deigned to throw at me?

Revenge - Oh, you ordered that latte decaf? I slipped four shorts of espresso in there instead. Oopsie! Good luck falling asleep sometime this year, jackass!

.

I didn’t read the rest of your offenses/revenge but as for this one :

Maybe I just put the money on the counter automatically, without thinking twice about it. I’m sorry I offended Your Lordship by not paying attention and broke the Court’s etiquette. I certainly deserve a severe baeating or something

Actually, I’m pretty certain I did exactly that a number of times. And I’m a decaff drinker. So, I could easily have been the target of your petty, misguided “revenge”. I prefer coffe, I’ve a reason to drink decaff instead, and you’re a fucking moron (and I very rarely insult people in the pit) if you decide to feed me what I don’t want to be fed, with the awowed intent to cause me harm because Your Majesty was offended.

Just change job. I don’t need to read the rest of your post to state so. This first example is enough.

[clairobscur]

@VCO3

Revenge - You made it extra clear, using that scolding teacher tone, that you’re lactose intolerant and insisted that I make your beverage with soy instead of a dairy product. No problem! I’ll just substitute the dairy bomb that is half-and-half for in your extra-large drink. Don’t worry - I’ll splash just a little soy in there to trick your tastebuds into thinking that nothing’s amiss. Hope you didn’t plan on going anywhere today!
.

I should have read the rest of the post…You’re really a complete fucktard…

[fluiddruid]

@VCO3

Look, I’m going to let the cat out of the bag right here - the whole OP was hyperbole, an airing of frustration at our infuriating customers.

As Giraffe said, this is trolling and has earned you a warning. Do not make up inflammatory scenarios to cause trouble.

I’m closing this trainwreck.