Why I Want A Girlfriend...

other than hot sex, the reason I most want a girlfriend is I will finally have an excuse to go see ‘Riding in Cars With Boys,’ the new Drew Barrymore movie. I dont have any friends, male or female, that would be caught dead at this flick and I cant imagine going to the movies alone.

So I figure the only way to ge see RICWB and have hot sex is to hire a hooker. Any other suggestions?

Blow-up doll. No one would know in a dark theatre.

Um, some KY and The Perfect Stranger[sup]TM[/sup]?

the hard part would be getting the doll/dolls into the theater. Maybe a wheelchair/stroller?


Just sit next to some other people and act like you know them. Works like a charm :wink:

Or you could wait till it comes out on video and rent it.

Just sit next to some other people and act like you know them. Works like a charm :wink:

Or you could wait till it comes out on video and rent it.

Take your sister. Or your cousin.

I don’t think that satisfies the “hot sex” requisite. Unless, of course, jabe happens to be from Texas.

No female relatives but momma and granny, neither of whom would watch a movie with Drew in it…I already asked.

FWIW I’m from VT so…


…which is why you go to see the nice family-oriented movie and “accidentally” end up at the wrong movie. :wink:

Sounds like you’ve already got yourself a great pick-up line: “I’ve been trying and trying to go see RICWB, but nobody will go with me. I just love romantic-comedies…they appeal to my soft and sensitive, yet fun-loving and spontaneous, nature. Say, would you like to go with me?”
Now, as far as the hot sex goes, seems like you could be on your way if you have the girlfriend aspect covered. Well, I guess that depends on what kind of girl you get to go with you. Maybe you should try that line on a hooker?

And exactly what part of Texas do the Ozarks go through? Sorry, but the whole cousin-boinking thing is generally frowned upon here.

You’re clearly out of touch with one of the fundamental forces of the universe, irony. You’re going to meet a girl, she’s going to look fantastic, there’s going to be an amazing chemistry, then you’re going to take her to the movie and right there in the lobby she’s going to start crying and screaming and hitting you. “How could you do this to me?” she’ll wail through her tears, “Don’t you know that my parents were killed by Drew Barrymore?”

Hey jabe. I’m in Burlington, am a male (and not intrested in hot sex with like sexes), but hey, I’ll go see the movie with you. I also have no girlfriend with whom I could go to the movies. So, if you want to, drop me an e-mail or something.

Oh come on! You obviously have the desire to see it so you are in touch with your feminine side already. Now slap on a skirt and some lipstick and go as a chick! Nobody will know… unless you don’t shave the goatee.

go to match.com download someone take them with you. why does anyone need company for this flick anyway?

The more important question is why anyone would actually want to see this cinematic travesty.

Oh just go to the movies by yourself. I was in the AF when Toy Story was released and no one wanted to go see it with me (military men going to see a kids movie - I guess they thought it would besmirch their masculinity) so I finally broke down and saw it by myself.

Sure, going to the movies alone, to me, isn’t as fun as going with someone else but it’s not so bad either.

If you absolutely have to go to the movies alone, there are some ways to disguise your soloness –

  1. Try to go to a matinee show and on a weekday. That way, all the kids are in school. They will, most likely, be the culprits who do all the ridiculing about you being a loner. Also, if you go to a matinee show on a weekday, there’s hardly anyone there in the first place, so that minimizes your chances of being seen (especially given the movie).

  2. Bring a coat or a jacket to sling over the seat beside you. This gives the impression the seat beside you is taken, indicating you are not alone. Of course, when the movie starts and the seat is still vacant, pull out your handy cell phone, and say, “Where the hell are you!? You told me the 12:30 show!”

Problem solved.

After reading your OP, I discovered that the post below yours was: “Why spaying and neutering is a good idea”

Let us hope this is not a sign.