a) How does this take you all day? Surely there’s only so much thinking about potatoes that one person can do?
b) So, you claim that you are doing your part by paying the electric and buying groceries, but you are feeding your brother nothing but potatoes? No wonder he smokes pot all the time.
I know quite a few people who have been unemployed for over four months. None of them are out there busting their ass looking for a job. They sleep in late and play video games all day while collecting their unemployment checks.
A month ago I told my cousin about a job opportunity down the street. He wasn’t interested. Why work when you don’t have to?
Am I generalizing? Yes. I suspect the vast majority of those who have been unemployed for over four months are spending very little time looking for a job.
If you have been unemployed for over four months, then you’re a lazy bum, IMO.
I was generalising in order to put my point across that being unemployed, despite some people thinking otherwise, isn’t something great. BTW, my brother doesn’t like me to cook for him not to mention I cook all my own meals.
This makes sense, that 10% national unemployment figure? Why, that’s just nothing but people similar to my cousin who can’t be bothered to get a job!
My brother doesn’t speak to my mum or my dad.
Hey, I’ve been unemployed. I was unemployed for 2 months once, at which point I swallowed my pride and got a minimum wage job as a cashier at a hardware store. At the time I had 2 university degrees, so I was massively overqualified, but I needed something to pay my rent with - no one was going to pay it for me, and for various reasons I was ineligible for EI or welfare or whatever.
I know that worrying about money is extremely stressful - I can remember lying awake at night freaking out about how I was going to pay the bills. Money is still tight but nothing like that. I still found time to do the things I had to do, like look for a job.
Even if your brother doesn’t like you to cook for him that doesn’t change the fact that you said you were buying all the food. Do you buy him decent food, or force him to eat on the potatoes only diet you are on?
I buy alot of cheap food, mostly potatoes or tuna or eggs, not much chicken or beef etc.
[quote=“Ryan_Liam, post:59, topic:540290”]
Ever since you’ve contributed to this thread you’ve blindly assumed I’m not doing anything to alleviate my current position, hell, you didn’t even bother to read the OP thoroughly, you just acted like a bull in a china shop and stomped around to make your point. [\quote]
ok, if you’re really doing everything you can, looking for work 5 hours a day, sending out resumes like crazy, making tasty dishes for bro with your bag of potatoes, cleaning up the place and generally trying to be supportive of him and the extra stress he’s under being responsible for the rent for you as well as himself and he’s STILL being a dick- well, then I’m sorry for my clasification of you as a deadbeat.
However, your OP (which I DID read carefully) did not come accross that way.
If the above is true- well I dunno. Maybe he’s suffering from depression? Perhaps he’s very stressed at his own job - are you sure it’s secure? Maybe he’s just a dick. The fact remains that the easiest solution is for you two not to live together as it sounds like neither of you is very happy.
[quote=“alice_in_wonderland, post:67, topic:540290”]
I appreciate the advice, even though it was worded as if it was typed whilst you were grinding your teeth.
Yes it did come across that way, in which part does me saying ‘my bro was unemployed, I had a job, he’s always been miserable’ Not make sense? Plus I already said I will eventually have to move. Me arguing with you is pointless, I’m more interested in why my bro is a miserable ass than cheap pointscoring.
It sounded to me like Alice was extending the ole olive branch. You might want to think about taking it. Of course, I didn’t think her post sounded as mean spirited as you seemed to.
Wow, you know a guy? I’m convinced.
Somebody call the papers and tell them the massive unemployment spike and economic recession is just a lot of lazy bums. Evidently, we’ve had a bunch more of them over the past 2 years.
Well, I’m sure it comes across that way in YOUR head - it doesn’t come across that way in mine.
However, if he’s always been a dick, why are you wondering why he’s a dick? Is he MORE of a dick than he used to be? Do you want to help him be LESS of a dick than he is now?
I suppose I’m wondering if he’s always been this way then:
a) why did you move in with him?
b) why are you so mystified as to his behaviour? Based on some of your other threads it sounds like your parents perhaps aren’t the most supportive - they’re his parents too which could contribute to his dickishness.
c) what sort of feed back do you expect anyone to give you?
Really, if you’re doing everything you possibly can, nothing but rays of sunshine and happiness, and he’s still being mean to you…well, move out. What other possible solution could there be?
OP, If you move out to a studio flat/bedsit you’ll be entitled to LHA and won’t have to pay council tax. You may actually be better off without your brother around.
Good luck getting a job, I know how tough it is right now.
Man, I’ve got a lot to say about this. I moved in with my brother and his girlfriend when I was ~20 into a two bedroom place. It was the same as you, we took an apartment together. They didn’t take me in for hardship. After that, I moved in with him and another guy into a three bedroom place. I mostly liked my brother in those days. More on this later.
First of all, as an adult, it’s really hard to live with anyone you’re not fucking, and even that’s hard. But you have more at stake, so it’s easier to tone down your own assholishness and the same is true of your partner. So, back to the sibling thing. When one moves out on their own, they want freedom. Freedom from their parents and frankly, from their history as a dependant human being. Living with a sibling is not a good way to accomplish this.
It truly brings out the worst in both parties. When my brother and I were kids, we used to have serious physical fights. I’m talking about fights that ended up it the ER for stiches. Neither of us was off our rocker in any way. It was just “sibling rivalry” I guess. Neither of us are or were prone to street fighting or picking fights in bars. We just fought each other. In hindsight, it really was pretty brutal.
Sometime around the time I started high school (same school, I was two years younger) we started hanging in overlapping circles and we stopped beating the shit out of each other. We were even mostly friendly at that point. He went off to college, I moved out at 17, and when I needed to share an apartment some years later, he and his girlfriend were looking in the same city. So, we took a place together.
There were the usual roommate issues, in which I always felt ganged up on. We were adults, so there was the added ingredient of alcohol. We both learned that early 20s men can do a hell of a lot more damage to each other than early teenagers could. In one incident, I actually fractured his back. I’m not saying this proudly. In later years, he was injured in a motorcycle accident, and it almost made me vomit to think that I might be partially responsible for his paralysis. Thankfully, things didn’t shake out that way.
Some year ago, I went to work for my brother and my father, who had “co-owned” a business for nine years. I use quotes because my brother invested nothing in the company. He was given equal equity after their first few years for nothing but doing his job. I was offered the same starting salary as my brother had been offered nine years prior, without the company vehicle. I was insulted, and declined the offer. They came back with a better offer, which I took. It was a very bad mistake. I knew it was a mistake when I made it. Shame on me for that.
I will admit that I was not the greatest employee. The job really didn’t suit me, and I wasn’t happy there. The real kicker was that my brother thought that the best way to improve my job performance was to treat me like a piece of shit. Mostly, my dad sided with my brother. I haven’t talked to my brother since the day I walked out. Almost four years. I didn’t talk to my dad for almost three years, and I haven’t spoken with him since January, which was the three year mark.
Forgive my long, rambling post. It was the long way around the block to say two very important opinions that I hold:
There are of course many exceptions. It doesn’t sound like yours is one. Do what you can to become employed again and GTFO. One man’s opinion.
Yep.
There’s no such thing as “not having a job.” If you’re unemployed, you still have a fulltime job. Your job is to find a job. Instead of playing on the computer and watching TV all day (which I’m convinced is what most do), you should get up at 0600 and work all day looking for employment.
In the context of this thread, your advice or observation or whatever you see it as is about as useful as a broken arm.
FTR, I don’t agree with Crafter_Man that anyone who is unemployed for a long time is necessarily lazy, I know the job situation in many places is completely shitty. I also never got up at 6AM to look for a job (seriously, what do you do at that hour? Nothing is open).
But, I do think that there are unemployed people who think that their education or experience means that they shouldn’t have to settle for whatever jobs are available, and that when you are stressed out it is tempting to think that you are dealing with so much and you are too busy worrying about food/bills/etc to really look hard for a job. It must be easier to fall into those traps if you are drawing EI or whatever.
I don’t disagree. In fact (aside from the 06:00 requirement) it’s not bad advice.
I’m just saying that it’s completely irrelevant to this thread, and pompous and dickish to pronounce as unsolicited advice. Not to mention presumptous. For all we know, the OP is up at 5AM looking for work every day, including Sunday. We don’t know that, because it’s irrelevant to the thread. The assumption of sloth for all who are unemployed is wholly uncalled for.
He didn’t ask “I wake up at 2PM everyday, and make a half-hearted attempt to scan the help wanted section. Why can’t I find a job?”
Well, when asked what he was doing with his time, he did say he was “Working out how to make a bag of spuds last a week”. I would think he’d mention his job-hunting activities at that point.
Anyways, I disagree that it is irrelevant to the thread. I think if he is not putting effort into looking for a job, that probably just rankles his brother more.
What is “whinging”? 
It’s irrelevant in the sense that it’s unsolicited advice, which is rarely welcome, regardless of its accuracy.
Consider an overweight person asking for clothing store recommendations. It’s not generally considered polite to respond with anything akin to: “Well get off your ass and lose some weight, you fat fuck! Lay off the groceries, and maybe you could shop in normal clothing stores with the rest of us.”
I wasn’t the subject of the unsolicited advice in question, yet it made me cringe. And unlike my fat guy example, this advice given was based on facts not in evidence. Is that any clearer?