Why is your ex your ex?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

I almost forgot about my other ex. He is an ex because he was crazy. Ok, he wasn’t exactly crazy, he was an unmedicated bi-polar. He did crazy things. When I first met him he was fine, a nice, quiet, talented Italian man. The day I met him he was composing a lovely jazz piece on the piano.

But every October, he became a skinny, chain-smoking, loud black kid.

Once he spray painted graffiti all over the bathroom walls.

Another time he bought $300.00 worth of bubble gum at Costco because he was sure there was a valuable baseball card inside.

Then, there was the time he spent the house payment on tennis shoes, all different sizes from a retail store, because he thought they were underpriced. He planned to re-sell them at a higher price.

He would stay awake for days at a time. During those nights he would call people he barely knew, just to chat. (This, after I when off on him for waking me up to chat.)

He once brought our two cats into the ICU where I was working. I almost lost my job over that one.

There are soooo many more stories, but I’ll stop here. Unless someone wants to hear the Langston Hughes story…

82

You’d think after two interventions involving 911, and one murder attempt I would have learned. Also, the hardest thing I never really got over is when she flushed my fish down the toilet because we were in a fight.

All TMI.

This post is made in memory of Samson.

83

Ah, I remember dear old Samson. He got all his power from his cilia, you know.

84

He was dropping me off at my house after a rather disastrous date that had really annoyed me. I was standing in my doorway, watching him leave, waiting for him to pull away before I locked the door behind him. He stopped, came back, and put his fingers against my lips. “Shh,” he whispered, “I love you.” And then he ran away.

This was a week and a half after our first date. I hadn’t even been aware I had to dump him.

85

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

86

Are there just that many nuts running around loose, or do you have to be nuts to love Dopers? :slight_smile:

87

Yes, there are that many nuts running around loose, and I’d bet that most of us posting here are considered nuts by at least one other person.

We are all insane. Every one of us. It’s part of being Human.

88

I know for a fact that the ex I mentioned in my post considers me to be a vindictive, controlling, cold-hearted bitch.

He told everyone he could find so. Including, oddly, my mother. He called my mother to inform her of my personality defects. According to inside sources, he wasn’t amused when she burst into hysterical laughter at him.

You know you’ve made a good relationship decision when you call your mom to inform her you’ve broken up with your boyfriend and the first words out of her mouth are “Well, thank God for that”

89

Most people simply assume that my ex is my ex because of, um, “gender issues.”

Close friends know that the marriage was a bad idea from the get-go for other reasons, not the least of which was that my ex was a world-class jerk who found great humor in inflicting mental and emotional anguish.

90

Ex-wife. Another case of her being pregnant and us getting married early in her second year of college. We went through the motions of a marriage for many years but were never really in love. Finally decided to stop going through the motions. Untied the knot and are still friends.

Ex-gf. Caught her cheating on me. Not so friends now.

Ex-gf. Combination of things. LD relationship. She takes religion far more seriously than I do. Still friends.

91

Mine was pretty recent and still hurts…

On our 11th wedding anniversary I came home from work, then started getting ready to take my wife out for dinner to celebrate. She said we needed to talk before leaving. I could tell something was wrong–I was worried she had found out she was sick or something.

She then told me that she could no longer go on being married to me. I asked her if she was joking, and she said no. She said she was just tired of being married and felt like she had to get out of the relationship. I tried to get her to give me specific reasons, but she really didn’t have any. She just kept saying that she knew she didn’t love me anymore.

11 years, 3 great kids, no financial problems, no big marital problems–and it was over just like that. She moved out about a month later. I helped her move into her new place and we decided to do joint custody. We still talked daily after she left.

At this time I went to my closest friend and told him about the situation. He said he didn’t know what to tell me, that he had no words for such a situation. Not very long after that conversation he stopped calling and coming by. I tried to get in touch with him a few times, but couldn’t. I then found out that he was still hanging out with my ex. This completely devastated me. We had been incredibly close friends since age 15.

Now I have to listen tomy kids talking about the things they are doing with him at her place and so on. It kills me. I’m not 100% sure they are moving towards a marital relationship, but it sure seems that way.

I’m not saying I was the best husband to walk the face of the earth, but I do know that I never laid a hand on her, I never cheated on her, I never disrespected her. We had our arguments and so on, but went out of my way to make her feel special. I planned surprise trips for her and always made a point to buy or make thoughtful gifts for birthdays, and other occasions. I cleaned and cooked and did laundry. I took care of the kids while she went back to school. I drove them to the sitter every morning so she could sleep in, and so on. I really don’t know what else I was supposed to do to show her that I cared for her deeply.

I haven’t really given much thought to dating anyone else, and I’m not really looking forward to dating again–but I know that I don’t feel like being alone for the rest of my life either.

All in all, I think it sucks.

92

RancidYakButterTeaParty: I don’t know what to say except that I am so, so very sorry that that happened to you. There are so many women who must have read your post and thought, wow, I wish I had a man like that! If you ever feel like dating again, please bear in mind that a great many women would consider you a rare gem.

93

He dumped me (and thank God, in retrospect, though I was heartbroken at the time) because he thought that I would not be happy being a “traditional wife,” which was what he wanted.

I find it deeply amusing that I am now mostly a stay-at-home wife. I work from a home a bit, but am primarily a homemaker, and very happy with the situation as it is.

94

So much pain in this thread. Guestimate, that’s incredibly tragic. I hope you find your happiness soon. I hate hearing that someone has completely given up.

Let me tell you about my latest breakup. It wasn’t really a breakup, as we had only just started dating.

We met at a speed dating event. I think she was the 2nd woman I met that night, and we seemed to hit it off. After that night we had several long phone conversations, a bunch of e-mail correspondance, and two dates. This was over the course of more than two months. Things were going sloooow.

So I went to another speed dating event. I was chatting up some people there, when guess who walks in? That was a bit awkward. Not only that, she was the first person I was supposed to talk to that night. Why was she there? Because she’s friends with the coordinator, and they were short on women. Why was I there? I explained to her that hey, we’re dating. It’s not like I’m sleeping around, but I am out meeting new people all the time.

That upset her. Two dates in two months and she was expecting exclusivity. (It was also around this time that I was forming the opinion that she was deep down a really unpleasant person.)

So we broke up because she wouldn’t let me date.

95

{{{{{Guestimate}}}}}

{{{{{RancidYakButterTeaParty}}}}}

Giving up completely on dating isn’t necessarily forever. I had given up on dating and come to terms with being single for the rest of my life and decided there were worse things right around when I started dating the future Mr. Neville.

96

Man, I can’t believe my last ex was in high school but here goes… :smiley:

He just wanted me for help in Spanish class.
Even though he regularly complained about how he hated his dad cheating on his mom, apparently it was okay for the ex to have more than one girlfriend at a time. :rolleyes:
It turns out that I was the other girl without really knowing it. The first girl was in a totally different social circle than me, so it worked out well for him.
Now that I think about it, he was pretty stoic all the time. Didn’t like kids, didn’t like pets, which was a real :dubious: to me. He seemed very patriarchal and militaristic; I have a feeling that had I stuck it out with him for some reason I would be barefoot and in the kitchen by now.
It was the first time a guy actually asked me out, albeit probably just to get an edge on Spanish class. And I said yes because he actually seemed to show interest and as the captain of the wrestling team, he was hot! He also gave my my first real valentine. But after I saw the other/original girl kiss him and put two and two together, coupled by the fact that he really wasn’t my type anyways, I let it slowly die off.

Gah, that was so long ago. Not many guys seemed to go for me until I got engaged.

97

I was talking more about giving up on life. Taking a break from dating can be a great thing.

The last post that I read before this one was the about your wedding. You go, girl!

98

If we’re talking about serious relationships (vs. short-lived flings), the last ex is an ex because he went from an unemployed bum to a workaholic wageslave practically overnight.

After six months of trying to fit myself into the rare nights he wasn’t working late or playing hockey with his buddies, I realised that there might never be a day when he’d find a happy medium. Then… he bailed on my birthday party at the last minute because his boss needed him to work late, even though I’d made it clear that this party was important to me.

I ended things a few days later - over the phone, unfortunately, because he was “too busy” to even meet me for coffee.

When I met The Boy a few months later, since he was working 70+ hours a week at that point and yet still managed to find time for us, even if it was just sneaking out of the office for an hour to grab a bite to eat together. So I’m thankful for my ex, because he exemplified the difference between a workaholic and a guy who works hard, and made it possible for me to cope with The Boy’s loooong hours during that time.

99

Ex hub/kid’s dad - very abusive. Got married because I was pregnant (condom broke) & unaware of his violent nature. Wont bore anyone with the details - it’s long and sometimes it embarasses me for being so so stupid.

prev significant SO - Dated for about a year then he moved in. It was as close to love as I figured I’d get. He was nice, handsome, and would give me compliments that seemed genuine. He would tell me he loved me and he was there for me for the most part. But he made me the center of his world. If I was home sick, he had to stay home with me even though I really didnt want him to (I was a hard believer in going to work unless you really couldnt/shouldnt). He also came from a good family - mom & dad still married and very active. His parents opened their home and heart to a divorced woman with 3 kids and 7 yrs older than their son. Sometimes I miss them (I never did have closure). Anyways - he didnt drink or smoke, and a good guy if he wasnt so damn lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Everything he didnt do was my fault or someone else’s. There was one point I had to take a second job to make ends meet - working 10 hours at one and then hoping over to a nightclub to work another 4+ hours 4x a week. Then - I’d come home to a sinkful of dishes, and the kids’ mess everywhere. If i asked him to help, he would never take the inituitive to get anything done and would blame the kids for not doing their chores (while he sat on his ass playn the computer or his games). He had a cushion 8-5 job towards the end of our relationship that sometimes he would go to and sometimes not. He befriended a coworker, which I became friends with as well, and he had an affair with her. Found out, went to counseling after having a breakdown and called it quits when he refused to take some of the responsibility. Actually, what put the final nail in the coffin was when he told me after confronting him why he didnt want to work on our relationship was when he responded with “things would be different if we would have been married”, regardless that we were engaged and presented ourselves as common-law. i even used his last name on some legal documents. It did more emotional damage & psychological damage than ex #1. It tore me apart, and the kids (they hate him with a passion). Wasnt a perfect relationship by all means, and I believe the end of it had a purpose. I learned a lot.

Current SO - well, I am confident that he will never be my ex.

100

No, it wasn’t. Honestly, I didn’t even think of it. But it would have been quite appropriate; you’re right. :slight_smile: