My mother kept my dad’s name for awhile because of us kids, but later got so annoyed with my dad that she took back her maiden name. I was in 11th or 12th grade then and my brother was in middle school. My dad, who had been married two times more since then, was a little offended and wanted to know if she was going to change our names too.
Thank goodness she didn’t. Both are terrible names, but my mom’s is also a word that one could be teased about.
I don’t intend to divorce, but I like my married name much better. It looks like it should be a harder name to deal with being Italian and starting with an unusual letter, but it’s so not. I’d want to keep it even if we didn’t have a child.
I was married for a little over three years, and just got divorced in May. I kept his last name. Changing it the first time was a gigantic hassle at work, everything’s in the new last name, and it just plain sounds better than my maiden name. I asked him if it was okay first; if it wasn’t, then I’d’ve changed back. But he said he didn’t mind.
That being said, any problem can be solved via an Office Space quote:
I think it’s often a matter of convenience. It can be a major pain in the ass to arrange a comprehensive name-change. Professional certifications, government-issued identifications, banking institutions, consumer membership plans (video rentals, store value savers, AAA, Costco, etc), utilities, lendors - there are just scads of people with whom an adult has business relationships with who all use your name. Changing them all is a pain in the ass - and some of them are a lot less accomodating about it than others. Blockbuster, for example, will pretty much just change your account information just by you showing up with your card and saying “I got divorced. Woudl you change my name to X in your records?”, but the people at the DMV (or the Department of State for passports) want a little more in the way of verification. To use myself as an example, I’m still registered with my state bar association under my maiden name despite having been married for almost three years because the level of pain in the ass they required to change my name on that was sufficiently aggravating it made me decide to keep my maiden name on that one.
There are also the aforementioned family-name continuity concerns that crop up. Anymore people assume divorce if kids and parents don’t have the same surname, but that wasn’t always the case - and some people just prefer not giving random strangers any insight into their personal life. Or any excuse to speculate about it.
And some people just have unfortunate maiden names. My mother, for example, did not change her name after her first marriage ended (death, not divorce, but it doesn’t really matter) because her maiden name was horrible and embarassing, and her given name - maiden name combo was even worse.* None of my female cousins with that surname who’ve been divorced changed their names back - and nobody even thought twice about it.
*In defense of my grandparents, it was a whole lot less heinous in German - which is where they lived before they came to the US, running from the Soviet army in 1949. In German, it’s a fairly standard name and nothing remarkable with my mother’s given name. In English, it’s heinous.
I’ve seen ex-wives that have kept their husbands name, while they ran up debt they never planned on making good on. The firms keep trying to contact the ex for stuff that occurred after the divorce. It helps muddy the waters. It was also the reason for one person to get the divorce court to require a last name change, before finalizing the divorce.
Somewhat like Angel of the Lord, after my first divorce I didn’t change my name back - too much hassle. When I finally got divorced, he stipulated in the divorce I should change it back, but fuck him - he was the jerk and I wasn’t going to do anything HE wanted. Second marriage I didn’t even bother - it wasn’t worth the hassle as I kinda knew deep down it wasn’t going to work anyway. This time I changed it. And if you knew my real name you’d wonder what in the hell I was thinking.
My married name is easier to spell, goes very well with my first name, and has been mine for 14 of my 42 years, so no, I wouldn’t change it if we divorced, unless the circumstances of the divorce were so painful that I couldn’t bear it…and even then, gosh, what a hassle to have to change all the stuff that goes with a name change.
Pitts is a terrible mn? How about a name that conjures up a boring, somewhat stupid person? Oh, yeah when I got married I latched on to his like kitty on a catnip mouse and have kept it since divorcing.
My ex’s last maiden name is Vance. Her married name was Vlcek. (Not really. But sort of similar like that, if one really wants to stretch it.) She went to court to get it changed back.
Judge: So, you want to Americanize your name.
Her: No, I want to change it back to my mai…
Judge: You’re Americanizing it.
Her: No, I’m changing back to my ma…
Judge: I said you’re Americanizing it.
Her: But I’m not, I’m…
Judge: I said you’re Americanizing it, and if you argue with me, I’m holding you in contempt of court.
I don’t understand why people change their names. I’m especially confused by people who think kids will be confused if they don’t have the same last name as their parents. How stupid are these offspring?
I know one family of four with four different last names. Everyone knows who they are.
I don’t know that people are worried that the kids themselves will be confused, but the kids will have to deal with other people’s confusion. It’s a lot easier to deal with paperwork, invitations, introductions, etc. if you are the Smith family than the Smith and Jones family. It’s just that extra PITA, “I’m Sally Smith and I’m here to pick up my daughter Katie Jones.” It also invites a lot of strangers into knowing/speculating about you not being an “intact family.”
My mom kept my dad’s name after the divorce because it was more common and easier to spell than her maiden name, of which she wasn’t particularly fond.
If those folks in your example really love their 4 different names (or hate the alternatives), it’s probably worth it to them to deal with the confusion.
My Mom remarried when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and it wasn’t confusing but it was kind of a pain in the ass fairly frequently. This was in the early 70’s though and this situation was kind of novel then. Nowadays it’s very common so school administrators shouldn’t be as confused.
When I got married, I wouldn’t have minded if my wife kept her name but I was a little surprised and kind of pleased that she decided to take mine. When we split, I figured that she’d go back to her original name but in fact it never occurred to her do to so. Again, I was a little surprised and kind of pleased that she opted to keep it. Her maiden name isn’t bad but maybe a little boring. My (our) last name is very unusual and kind of cool sounding and she likes it so she kept it.
There was a family in Bakersfield when I was growing up (in the 50s) who gave their kids numbers as names, in order of their births. As “One”, “Two”, “Three”, and so on. As the kids got older they picked their own names, sometimes several tries before they finally settled on the one they wanted. All us kids, including them, thought it was pretty cool.
The family gained some notoriety because of it, so some olders dopers might have heard of them. I think there were seven kids.
Check that. My mother kept my father’s name when they split up, and he did not protest since she was moving to another province anyways and there would be no confusion locally as to which Daerlynparent was being referenced. I’m not sure if having the same surname as me was also a factor, since I stayed with my father for several years afterwards.
I hyphenated my name when I got married, so if (heaven forfend), Mnementh and I ever split up, I’ll simply go from Daerlyn Myname-Hisname back to Daerlyn Myname.
On a similar note, I wonder how many wives might put the husband’s last name on a child’s birth certificate as a way to assign parental responsibility to him — even if he isn’t the father. “See? He has your last name, therefore you’re the father,” or some such.
It use to be law that a husband was automatically the legal father of his wife’s children, whether they were conceived naturally, by artifical insemination, or through adultuous intercourse.
I was going to note that. It varies greatly by custom. See, if I had the same first last name as my mom (we have 2 last names), people back home (especially older people) will infer that my mom is unmarried and I was not recognized by my dad… or that she wants nothing to do with my dad… or that she does not even know who my dad is. :eek:
Again, we have two last names in Puerto Rico. The father’s first last name comes usually first, the mom’s first last name is the second last name. Nobody bats an eye when moms show up with different last names as their kids. And hospitals and all other institutions are set up to accept both last names, so they can check up that the mom’s first last name matches the kid’s last name (second one, usually).
My birth certificate has (among other things) my parents full names (both last names), and my full name (with the two last names, one from each).
Since I grew up in a culture where changing the last name upon marriage is looked as something weird (and in my family, something wrong), I’m not going to change my last name if I ever marry. Plus, I got my professional degree by being Grenze, not a Smith!
