Sometimes songs just seem destined for heavy rotation in strip clubs. Kelis’ new single “Milkshake,” for example (“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…”) has probably already provided the sonic backdrop for thousands of panty shuckings and topless shimmies.
I imagine most popular or semi-popular or even obscure pop/rock/hip-hop songs will work pretty well for contemporary ecdysiasts. They don’t have to sport in-your-face (or in-your-ear) sex – they’ve just got to provide a suitable backdrop for an attractive person to do her or his thing. Either they’ve got hot lyrics, a danceable beat or both.
Yet there are songs that I imagine would make horrible backdrops for striptease performances. They’re not just not sexy – they’d be anti-sexy. (Note: I do not have extensive strip club experience. I could be wrong. Maybe anything’s sexy if there’s a naked chick (or guy) involved.)
Some candidates:
"Yellow Submarine," by the Beatles. Simply absurd. And basically a kid’s song.
"The Gift," by Velvet Underground. There are unlikely candidates in the Velvets’ catalog, but really, I can envision a funky routine done to something like “Sister Ray.” But this spoken tale of a man who mails himself to his girlfriend is a little too mellow and a little too weird to be very effective.
"Luka," by Suzanne Vega. It’s not exactly a shake-your-rump sorta song – and it’s about child abuse!
There have to be other, better, more ludicrous examples than these. Bonus points if it was a really popular song.
And I’d love to hear from anyone who’s danced or seen someone dance to something really unlikely – especially if they pulled it off.
I went to a musical-comedy audition years ago where one of the actresses did a strip-tease while singing “I’m a Lonely Little Petunia in an Onion Patch.”
The first thing I thought of was that “Dude looks like a lady” would be a little off-putting in a straight strip club. But I really just wanted to post to thank Interrobang for introducing me to the word “ecdysiast”, now I just have to find a way to ease that into my daily vocabulary.
I was thinking maybe the themesong to the old Benny Hill show, but some sick bastards would probably like that.
Let’s see, hilariously inappropriate… Eleanor Rigby; Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees; Tell Laura I Love Her; Feels So Good by Chuck Mangione; Taste Of Honey by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass (might’ve been hotter 25 years ago); Que Sera Sera; High Hopes by Frank Sinatra*; Seasons In The Sun; A Horse With No Name; What A Friend We Have In Jesus…*
I think some of the songs suggested would do pretty well.
Here she comes down the runway. Jimi Hendrix’s screaming anthem begins. She has red, white, and blue sequinned bra and panties, spangled top-hat and tails, silver stilettoes, a white cotton beard, and a sparkler in each hand…
How about Billy, Don’t Be A Hero by Paper Lace? That would be kinda creepy.
In my one and only trip to a strip bar, they played the Cantina Song from Star Wars as the girl danced in front of me. I couldn’t help it – I cracked up. She looked a bit hurt until I told her it was the song.
I’d think anything by Sousa would qualify. I mean, I doubt anybody could shake their tootsies to the Washington Post, at least not without looking very, very silly.
But I have to second “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” Not only is the song itself a complete downer, but it’s so long she’d have time to strip down to her naughty bits, get dressed and strip again.
