Hmm, how about;
Taps (the Millitary “Time for go to bed” song, also used in funerals) (yes, i know, i’m evil 
)
your country’s national anthem (in my case “The Star Spangled Banner”)
My Boy Lollipop by Little Millie Small
:eek:
"Abraham, Martin and John" by Dion. Hell, by anybody that’s done the song.
After seeing some of the responses to this thread, if I do come up with a sequel, it’ll probably be something like “Oddly suitable songs for striptease acts.” Because weird as they may be, some of these suggestions would be pretty interesting to see.
But not “Abraham, Martin and John.”
Ohhh! How about “One Tin Solider” by Coven (The theme to the movie "Billy Jack). Undanceable and solem.
Listen children to a story,
that was written long ago…
Silent Night/6:00 News by Simon and Garfunkel, from the Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme album.
Or, from the same album, Scarborough Fair/Canticle, A Simple Desultory Philippic, or Patterns.
Ohio: Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
Mrs. Robinson would be very … fitting and yet very strange. “God bless you please Mrs. Robinson, Heaven holds a place for those who pray…” and away those clothes go…
The Hokey Pokey would be utterly bizarre
Yesterday would be really weird
When I’m 64 would be … something. I’m not sure what, exactly.
I can say I’ve actually seen one of the worst song selections in action.
While at Spearmint Rhino, miss naked lovely had removed all her stringy barely-garments and was writhing around on the floor…to Linkin Park’s “Crawling.” As she spreads her legs wide to show off her bits, we hear…
“Crawling in my skin…these wounds they will not heal…”
Now, every time I hear that song, I think of a diseased stripper. Yummy. (BTW…I called a local radio show with this story and won a DVD set. One DJ’s comment was, “Oh, you don’t want wounds in any stripper song…then you’re thinking PUSS-y instead of something else…”)
Them dogs barkin’ “Jingle Bells.”
God Is Watching us (From a Distance)
One, by Metallica.
Err, the first one is an old gospel song, covered by some 80’s pop star whose name escapes me.
'Tho a version by Metallica would certainly be interesting 
What a fun thread this is. There’s an amazing amount of crossover between the songs mentioned here and on the recent thread of worst songs ever. Here’s a few more you might hope never to hear in a strip club:
Doobie Brothers - Jesus is Just Allright
Janet Jackson - Let’s Wait Awhile
Chris Rea - Tell Me There’s a Heaven
They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul
Bloodrock - DOA
Flatt & Scruggs - Foggy Mountain Breakdown
Steely Dan - Cousin Dupree
Janis Ian - Society’s Child
Jackson Browne - Linda Paloma
Joni Mitchell - The Circle Game
I might have to disagree on Billy Paul - Me and Mrs. Jones; this might actually work well as a stripper song.
Bette Midler, I believe.
Barber’s Adagio for Strings would be pretty surreal.
“Too Old to Cut the Mustard” - Ernest Tubb, among others.
Done got too old
Done got too old
He’s too old to cut the mustard anymore.
Seems like a bit of a moodkiller.
“Gonna Buy Me a Dog” and “Auntie Grizelda” - the Monkees
“It Can’t Happen Here” - Frank Zappa
“The Big Squeeze” - FZ
“What’s the Ugliest Part Of Your Body?” - FZ
“Let’s Make the Water Turn Black” - FZ
“Take Your Clothes Off When YOu Dance” (surprisingly) - FZ
and plenty of other FZ tunes
But I could see “Jesus is Just Alright” (Doobie Bros., the Byrds, or even the DC Talk versions), “Roundabout”, and even some Neil Young songs working (like “Tonight’s the Night”, “Like a Hurricane”, or “Sleeps with Angels”).
I’m strangely gratified to hear that Thea Logica has danced to “The Chipmunk Song”, and disappointed I missed it as well.
I think “Let’s Wait Awhile” might work. (It is technically a strip tease after all.)
As for Steely Dan songs, I don’t know if “Hey Nineteen” would be ironic fun or just too much truth to handle.
Anything by Syd Barrett or the early Pink Floyd.
Dark Globe would be hilariously awkward.
See Emily Play might work though…
Who let the dogs out
Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver by Primus.
Detachable Penis by King Missile.
Anything by Enya, Wilson Phillips, or Amy Grant.
Incidentally, one of the sexiest (and most appropriate) songs I ever heard at a club was Red Light Special by TLC.
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
From my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Complete with, “hey, I saw your wife the other day - she uggggg-leeeeeeeee!”
This line make me wonder if the Edmund Fitzgerald could be made to work:
As the big freighters go she was bigger than most
With a crew and a Captain well seasoned
My own vote is for Stan Roger’s Barrett’s Privateers with this stanza (or something like this):
Our cracked four pounders made a terrible din,
But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in,
The Antelope shook and pitched on he side
And Barrette was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the main truck carried off both my legs’
God damn them all.
Tiptoe Through the Tulips - Tiny Tim singing of course.