Just thought of another one… Forggy Went a Courtin’
I have just finished reading a book where the stripper not only stripped to the bagpipe version of ‘Amazing Grace,’ she played the bagpipes for the first part of her act: MOURNING SHIFT (A Tory Bauer Mystery) by Kathleen Taylor. It had quite an interesting effect on the other characters in the story.
Cryhavoc
“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”
Schoenberg- Pierrot Lunaire
Rich Mullens- “Awesome God”
Lou Reed- Metal Machine Music
An excellent choice for a stripping song, if I may say so.
However, I think some of Bowie’s other tunes…like, say, “The Laughing Gnome”…would be rather less good.
Other strong contenders in the unsuitability category include Leonard Cohen’s “Death of a Ladies Man” and Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy”.
“Okie from Muskokie”- just very wrong
“Polly” by Nirvana
“Yoda” by Weird Al
Ophelia
Since practically every song that has been mentioned as completely unsuitable seems to have been used by some stripper, I thought I’d create some unsuitable and bizarre scenarios. I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these have happened, but I haven’t witnessed any of them (though some would be fun…and others would be apalling).
Nick Cave’s The Mercy Seat, either as a lap dance or (for bonus points) on stage, with the dancer using a chair as a prop.
Fishbone’s Lyin’ Ass Bitch, probably dedicated to some other dancer in the establishment. (Leading to a cat-fight, I expect.)
Hell, as long as we’re doing Fishbone, I’d love to see someone try to shake it to It’s a Wonderful Life (Gonna Have a Good Time). The lyrics are pretty inappropriate, and it has a tempo like a frog on a hotplate.
Aimee Mann has probably never done a song that’s danceable, but I’d vote Wise Up as her least stripper-friendly tune. Even for a slow floor number, it’s way too quiet and slow. Maybe it could work for Mindy, the Clinically Depressed Ecdysiast.
And how about a two-girl act, coming out in a pantomime horse costume, to America’s Horse With No Name?
Bob Dylan’s as bad for stripping to as Neil Young, but how about Subterranean Homesick Blues, as performed by a woman in bell-bottoms, dashiki and granny glasses? (not for long, of course)
I’m surprised no one has mentioned The Boomtown Rats’ I Don’t Like Mondays yet – it’s very depressing, probably undanceable, and is about a young woman deciding to kill a whole lot of people…
I could see a stripper using some of Bruce Springsteen’s songs – I’m Goin’ Down is pretty obvious – but how about doing Johnny 99 in a fake prison outfit?
Pink Floyd’s early long space-rock songs could be good for some of the more theatrical strippers (the kind with lots of dry ice, occasional live animals, and more props than you can shimmy a hip at). But I still think One of These Days would be a mood-killer.
In the category of You Could Dance To It, But You Wouldn’t Want To, I give you In The Coliseum by Tom Waits. The opening lines are “The women all control the men/With razors and with wrists…”
And, finally, They Might Be Giants have been mentioned, but I would love to see a good act built around their live version of Why Does The Sun Shine? (The Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas)
The Fat Albert theme song 
But Alka Seltzer would be naughtily appropriate…
Plop Plop
Fizz Fizz
Oh! Whata Relief it Is
That is an astoundingly horrible visual.
You are a bad man. Go sit in the corner.
Mr. Blue Sky beat me to it…
D.O.A by Bloodrock. (Shiver)
Can I get a spanking by the blonde on stage since i’m such a naughty boy???
Oh man … everybody’s taking my ideas. Time to scrape the bottom of the barrel.
Bread, It Donesn’t Matter to Me. Hell, anything by Bread.
Carpenters - Only Yesterday
Rush - Tom Sawyer
Styx - Mister Roboto
Blue Oyster Cult - Godzilla
Pat Benatar - Sex as a Weapon
Rush - The Trees
Ted Nugent - Fred Bear
Johnny Casg - A Boy Named Sue. Hell, anything by Johnny Cash.
Yes - Starship Trooper
Has anyone listed
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult
or
The Theme from “The Twilight Zone?”
Having just added a ton of Jesus Christ Superstar music to my playlist, I have to say that most of those songs would be quite bizarre, especially “I Don’t Know How to Love Him”, “Everything’s Alright”, and “Simon Zealotes”.
From “Simon Zealotes”: “Jesus, I am with you! Touch me, touch me, Jesus! Jesus, I am at your side! Kiss me, kiss me, Jesus!”
Oh, and “The Temple”: “See my skin, I’m a mass of blood.” “See my tongue, I can hardly speak.” Admittedly, at the beginning of the song, Jesus is driving the moneylenders from the temple, along with some stripper-y looking girls.
Looking at the rest of my playlist, I think “Excitable Boy” by Warren Zevon would be just . . . strange. “He took little Suzie to the junior prom. Excitable boy, they all said. And he raped her and killed her and then he took her home. Excitable boy, they all said . . . and he dug up her grave and filled a cage with her bones. He’s just an excitable boy.”
“Lawyers, Guns, & Money” by Warren Zevon would plenty strange, too. “I went home with a waitress, the way I always do. How was I to know, she was with the Russians too?” “Send lawyers, guns, and money. The shit has hit the fan.” It just wouldn’t go over well with the conspiracists in the audience.
Travelin’ Wilburies . . . creepy.
“Ape Man” by The Kinks would be riotously funny, though. “I’ll be your Tarzan, you’ll be my Jane. I’ll keep you warm, and you’ll keep me sane. Sit in the trees and eat bananas all day . . .”
A few more.
Patti Smith - Rock ‘n’ Roll Nigger
Oingo Boingo - Dead Man’s Party
Led Zeppelin - Immigrant song
John Denver - Rocky Mountain High. Unless it’s a strip joint on Colorado Avenue in Glendale.
John Walsh - Turn to Stone
Lita Ford - Only Women Bleed
Black Sabbath - Iron Man
Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills
Finally, a song I’m very surprised nobody mentioned.
Lynyrd Skynyrd - That Smell
… ad whit that, I have killed the thread!
This would work really well if she had an extra nipple or something.
However the equivalent Rocky Horror Toucha-Toucha-Touch Me song would work nicely.
I was feeling done in
Didn’t know where to goo
I’d only ever kissed before
(y’mean she’s a , uh-huh)
Now all i want to know
is how to go
i’ve tasted blood and i want more
more more more
…
*it’s cherry blood, not period blood for those going ewww right now.
I don’t know about that. It might work if something was added like more…oh…let me think of it…