As it happens, I work as a translator (which means written) French-to-English and English to French.
I also work as a simultaneous interpreter, which means listening to a person speak one language and immediately repeating it in another, at conferences and other meetings.
I have seriously wondered if software could ever do a decent job with written translation. It is possible, I suppose, but it seems to me that it would take a greeat deal of ability by thge computer to deal with many, many possibilities.
This may seem like an odd way to prove my point, but look at some of the gems probably produced by** human ** translators (NOT SOFTWARE, although I wonder if one or two might not be computer-generted) and then ask yourself how a computer program could be designed to avoid this: After you have had a good laugh, let’s look at some of the reasons for the errors.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today – no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well speaking / Here speeching American.
Now if you can stop laughing for a bit, consider the reasons for these “bad” translations. Most are comprehensible, but many are based on a failure to realize shades of meaning and double meanings.
“The Health inspector was in our restaurant and he passed us!” is perfectly good standard English. But “The manager has personally passed all the water served here” is hilarious.
Similarly, “If this is your first visit to the USSR you are welcome to it.” fails to take into account the colloquial meaning of “you are welcome to it”. If that expression did not exist to mean “take it, I don’t want it” there would be **nothing wrong ** with that translation. There would be nothing wrong with a similar grammatical construction in English such as “So this is your first visit to our country? I hope you like it.”
When it comes to simultaneous interpreting, where you have to catch moods and shades of meaning, I really wonder what a computer could do. Suppose a person who has just been corrected at a meeting throws his hands up in the air and says “Well, luckily for the rest of us, you are here to setr us straight on our profession.” This is clearly a sarcastic and hostile comment and as an interpreter, I have about half a second to think of an appropriate formulation in the other language and to say it, while listening to the next incoming sentence.
Finally, my favourite whacky translation which does not appear above: “Fall is a very gay season in Bavaria. It is when the firemen and policemen get together to hold their balls.”