My dad was notorious for farting and it being a little more than just air…
I only know because my mom always complained that he was constantly running outof underwear.
He would throw them away in the trash can at work and come home commando.
And my favorite flatulent verse:
I’m a little air bubble
Just above your heart
If I was any lower
I’d be a little fart
One more thing…
My mom didn’t want us kids saying “fart”
so we had to say “shoot a bunny” instead.
Oppps!!
I just shot a bunny!
OK, I just read this entire thread to my kid, and one pair of new pants and underwear later, he wishes to contribute. Here is his story:
“Remember when I was watching Pokemon, and I was sitting on the Pergo floor, and I did a humongous burbler, and Dad could feel the vibrations in the floor from the next room? And he took one sniff and almost passed out! Can I say that? And that time in Bashas’, when I did a very very bad fart, and it was an SBD, and you thought I pooped in my pants, so when we got home you checked, and I didn’t! It was just a really really bad fart!”
…must run in the family. He is too young to remember his cousin’s babyhood, the one whose babyfarts were so foul that his father would stick a hand into the back of his diaper every time “the smell” rose out of the area, and if his hand didn’t come out brown, the diaper didn’t need changing. Clever timesaver.
I think Diane is somehow related to my family.
My mother likes to stand really close, lean in like she’s going to whisper something, and blast away.
And she has IBS so her gas can bend steel.
Whoa-ho! What’s this? An early Christmas present in the form of a FART THREAD! All of a sudden, the SDMB feels so much like home…
My father is the King of “Squits”. These are high-pitched, wet-sounding, long-drawn-out, evil, putrid emission from Gastric Hell that have been known to cross your eyes and cause loose teeth to fall out. He drops these at every opportunity, in public, in private, elevators, grocery stores, restaurants, you name it. He takes utter joy and pride in his Squits and makes comical faces and moaning noises as he lets rip. Then he sniffs the air, and rates them: “Oh, YEAH baby! That one’s a TEN!”
He’ll bellow out the rating and laugh like a lunatic. He tries to keep it to a dull roar in public but he’s getting a bit hard of hearing so his ‘quiet’ is everyone else’s ‘loud’. I don’t think he cares though. 
wipes a tear Ah, I love my Dad…he’s the greatest.
I don’t believe it! I didn’t think anyone outside my family used that term. Do you, by any chance, also use the word “pootinky” to describe the odor?
Little is more embarassing to me than farting in front of others, but as I’ve aged, I’ve found that sometimes you just can’t control it! Usually, I’m able to hold it in until I make it to the bathroom, but the worst are when I cough or sneeze–sometimes, if there’s a bit of gas, it will pop out at the same time, often in the most unexpected (and unwelcome) of circumstances. GAH!
To all those that I (probably) have offended thusly, my sincere apologies. Really. 
Our dog does the worst Silent Deadleys… she’ll often lay asleep in front of the couch and release the foulest of odours… and when I fan away the toxic fumes, she creeps away with such a hurt look on her face! Other times, she’ll drop them and then sneakily walk away…
BTW, for those proud fartaholics, I recommend you see the movie Thunderpants … for obvious reasons…
and for those (in denial) who never, EVER, fart, or if only the sweetest perfumed odours radiate from your butt, I recommend you DON’T see this movie… for obvious reasons
I once had a job selling pianos and organs. I never met the guy in question, nor have I attempted this, but the other sales people in the store swore it was true.
One evening, when business was slow and the store was empty, one of the sales guys crawled under a big grand piano, positioned his butt against the bottom of the soundboard, pressed the damper pedal down, and let loose with a monstrous fart. The resonating, undampered soundboard amplified the blast to truly symphonic proportions.
Oh, these artistic types…
Great thread, BTW.
The year is, IIRC, 1976. My younger brother is about 3 years of age. The location is Friendly Foods, Edmond, OK. I’m riding on the bar of the grocery cart and my brother is sitting in the seat part. As we are lining up at the checkstand (and mind you, young’uns, this is before scanners and barcodes, so it took a bit longer) and reading the tabloid headlines (“Carol Burnett Had Alien Anal Probe Sex”), my brother, 3rd in line for the Fart Throne, cuts one loose. He looks up, looks around, and says, “MOM!?!?”
At least that’s how Mom tells it.
Make that three of us. 
My folks, on the other hand, have been known to fart themselves to sleep.
I hope to God it’s not genetic. :eek:
I’ve been hysterical reading this thread all weekend. My dad and brother used to have farting contests during DINNER. My mother and I were much more demure, of course. We only farted when we walked by them with our butts at their eye-level.
After reading this thread, I decided to try farting on my cat last night to see her reaction. She jumped at the noise, and then lifted her head and started sniffing my ass.
Ava
Facefarts are the ultimate. When I was still at home, I lived for the moment I could walk past the couch and burn my brother’s eyebrows off. This also had the added attraction of sending him into a fit of uncontrollable rage. How good!
You seem to be complaining about the noise, and this is completely misguided, as you see, with farting noise is proportional to lack of smell, so you must surley see the obvious caveat here.
Noise also is a good indicator of humor value as well.
deal with it.:
wally
please; farting in public is a weapon as well as humor as well as attitude adjustment.
remember: people suck, make them pay. In the elevator, captive audience, at gym, keeps peoples from hogging the machine, at the store, vengeance for irritating people…
you get the gyst.
:wally
in regard to the office, for those who annoy you there is also the concept of the chair mine, if you get my gyst. They sit down after you and it’s theres waiting for them.
My brother does that, except he says, “hold on, somebody wants to talk to you…”
I can’t believe my first post on this board was about farts. shakes head
Somewhere in the disco era, I made a discovery in an Andy Gibb tune that has yet to be discounted.
The name of the tune is: “Don’t Throw It All Away (Our Love)” and if anyone has a copy of it, you should listen to the first set of lyrics very closely.
Maybe I don’t want to know the reason why
But, lately, you don’t talk to me
And darling I can’t see me in your eyes
A few moments later… Brrrrrrrpp
Or at least SOMETHING that sounds a lot like one good rip!
First post about farts? Could be worse. Could be a lot worse. Just trust me on this one.
Welcome to the Boards.
God you people are disgusting!