Reading evilbeth’s thread has made me determined to save this thing. For those of you who missed my post, I screwed up last night, and she dumped me. Main reason - she felt I was taking her for granted.
So I need to do something spectacular. Here’s my initial ideas:
We travel well. So I’d like to get out of town and do something. Hiking, camping, excursions, etc. are all possibilities. Does anyone know of any cute towns in southern Indiana/Kentucky? How about a good state park?
Nice meal. Always a plus. I’d like to find a dinner-theatre, as that’s the best of both worlds. I’m in Indianapolis, so if any of you know magical internet ways of finding something like that out, I’d appreciate it. Got any good picnic ideas?
A present? She already gave me back my calladagh ring, which was quite a hit to me.
Just a guess here - but I’d think that before planning a trip or extravagant evening out, your purposes may be better suited by sitting down and talking to her first. If she just dumped you last night, she may be too agitated at this point to even think about going away somewhere with you. I’d suggest calling her up and asking her to meet so you can talk things out in a rational manner. She may not be looking for a big vacation or an evening out - she may just be looking for some conversation, for you to listen to her, or any one of a million different things. For you to DO those things may mean a lot more than taking her on vacation or out on the town.
YMMV.
(Note: by the above, I’m not suggesting that you ARE indeed taking her for granted. You may be or you may not be, I don’t know. You’re the best judge of what’s really going on in your relationship. I guess I’m just saying the first step should always be honest and open communication about what both parties want.)
I think that you are leaving out the most important first step, apologize. Be sincere and humble. Let her know you’re truly sorry. Then, you can move on to the spectacular.
And after you apologize, ask her what you need to do to make her feel appreciated. One date ain’t gonna cut it (no matter how spectacular). What she probably needs is for you to communicate to her how much she means to you on a regular basis, not just once in a while.
And be prepared to do at least a good portion of what she asks for, or give up on the relationship.
Whoops. Probably should have posted my post from evilbeth’s thread. But all of you are right on. The problem last night is that I DID apologize. She just didn’t believe me. She was just in a mad-at-Munch mode, which is fine. I most likely deserved it. But I really didn’t completely understand at the time what I was apologizing for, and she wouldn’t explain it to me until I apologized. Well, that just confused the hell out of me, which made my situation worse.
Its just looking really bleak, and its killing me. I’m running on about 3 hours of sleep, and I want to be able to be completely focused when I do talk to her. But she made it clear that I just don’t do enough for her - that she ends up having to plan everything.
So, back with those plans!
(NOTE: I’m certainly taking all your suggestions to heart, and will follow through on this, but I want something in my backpocket so that if we do manage to work this out, I can impress her - this is strictly secondary, but still very important).
Ahhh… my brother, I feel your pain. Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships.
Unfortunately, in a situation like this, apologies aren’t everything. She wants you not only to be sorry, but also to understand where she’s coming from. It’s gonna take some talking on both your parts for you to find out what she really needs, and whether that’s something you can give. Sounds like some more discussing may be in order.
As for making plans to show her that you DON’T take her for granted - I’d suggest something very hands-on that demonstrates thought and effort on your part. For example, maybe an evening at home where you do EVERYTHING. She comes home from work, you have a chilled bottle of champagne and hors d’oeuvres (however the hell you spell it) waiting. Afterwards, you guide her to a hot bubble bath, where you have a stereo playing soft music (Barry White or classical, your choice). After the bath, you’ve got a candlelit dinner (that you made - no fair cheating and having it catered) sitting on the table. After dinner… who knows?
That’s the kind of evening that really shows you’re giving to someone. Anyone can pay for a vacation or a fancy dinner out - but really pampering someone takes time and effort, and I think she’d really appreciate it.
If you decide to take the “dinner out” route, one of my favorite restaurants in Indianapolis has always been Illusions. I quote from http://www.indy.org/nwrest.htm :
Illusions
969 Keystone Way, Carmel, IN, (317) 575-8312
Average Dinner Entree Costs: $16-$25
Serving Dinner: Mon.-Thurs., 5-9 p.m.; Fri., 5-10 p.m.; Sat., 4:30-10:30 p.m. The chef conjures up delightful entrees and homemade pastry desserts, while a magician performs tableside sleight-of-hand. Reservations are suggested and a must on weekends. Free parking. Stage shows in the “Disappearing Nightly” lounge. No cover charge. AX, DC, MC, V
It sounds kind of hokey and Chucky Cheese-ey, but it really isn’t. It’s a touch out of the way, but it’s unique as hell and the food is good. I love it, and it gives you something to watch without that full-blown “Dinner Theater! Acting! Brilliant! Thank you!” vibe, but I understand that it’s not everyone’s bag.
