Wolverine vs the cheerleader?

Who’d win?

Well, he can’t lose since she has no way to hurt him. So, either a draw or Wolverine wins by…sticking his claws into her brain pan and…um…just leaving them there…


I coudl come with some absurd gag, or maybe a jokey quip to somehow make this interesting. But geez, it’s Wolverine. Yeah, he’s a big 'ole papa bear, and he won’t seriously hurt the cheerleader unless she pulls out a shotgun and tries to take his face off. He’s ffaster, stronger, tougher, more enduring, more athletic and acrobatic, probably smarter and with a much greater knowledge of science and history (can’t hang around with super-geniuses without learning something). He’s a regenerating nigh-invulnerable mutant with a bad attitude and razor-sharp claws. He wins any kind of fight. I mean, maybe if you set this up as a cheerleading contest.

Wasn’t there some flash-forward or something in this past week’s episode where someone kills the cheerleader just by chopping her head off? Because Wolvie has tools to do just that embedded in his arm.

Even if that doesn’t totally kill her, it doesn’t seem like she can regenerate tissue like he can (he regenerated an entire arm in just a few minutes, for example), so even if her head remains alive he can just drop it in the ocean or something.

Wolverine, of course- he’d just slice the cheerleader in half.

(Nowhere is any evidence given that Wolverine is fighting Claire Bennett, as others claim- all that is given is “the cheerleader.” Therefore, I must assume Wolverine is fighting an ordinary, destructible cheerleader- unless said cheerleader is Kim Possible or Buffy, hardly a fair fight. If, for God knows what reason, the cheerleader is Batman, the answer is obvious.)

Wolverine. Claire lacks the weapons required to disable her foe, while Logan is stronger and has in-built weapons. Even if Claire could regenerate from decapitation, it’s going to take longer than it takes Wolverine to just decapitate her again.

Ah, but it has now been stated (although not confirmed)…

… that the cheerleader cannot die.

Stick your claws in that, you hairy beast.

Don’t be absurd. If we had been talking about Bruce Wayne, he would have been clearly identified as “the Bat-cheerleader.”

I submit that in any thread involving superheroes, ‘the cheerleader’ is understood to mean Claire Bennet from Heroes. It is her alias reference among fans of the show, just like ‘the Professor’ or ‘Professor X’ is that of Charles Xavier.

If there is any other superhero-type character who might have a claim on the title that I’m not aware of, then this stipulation needs to be rethought. But considering how iconic the arc phrase ‘Save the cheerleader, save the world’ was, I think Claire doesn’t have much to worry about. :smiley:

Wolvy would win easily. Win doesn’t mean killing her, so she doesn’t die. She comes back to life, he wins again, until she quits fighting.

Funny. As far as I’m concerned, “The Professor” wil always be Russell Johnson.

And yes, he’s a superhero in my book.

OK, so let’s go under the assumption that Wolverine cannot win. Now, explain to me how Claire’s going to win against a person with the same regenative ability, but also indestructible metal and decades (if not hundreds of years) of fighting skills. At the absolute worst, it has to be a tie.
But I’ll maintain that there’s no contest. Wolverine all the way.

On paper Logan has a lot of advantages, but the Cheerleader has a huge one: she’s a young girl. And Logan just lost Kitty. I think he might have an irrational problem slicing her head off just now.

That might help her not lose, but it cannot help her win.

Oh, I agree she can’t win. I’m just saying that the battle is never going to get to the point where he’d chop her head off; she’s not formidable enough to make him see he as a real danger more than a little girl.

Okay, what if it’s not a pitched battle?

I like the idea of the aforementioned cheerleading contest. Or maybe a shampoo commercial? Also, Hayden Panne… Pane… Panna… the cheerleader has just launched her own singing career. Can Logan do karaoke?

Also, I’m not sure if he still has it or really how it even worked, because the story was so bad, but a while back Wolverine fought Sabretooth with some magical sword that negated healing factors. He sliced off Sabretooths’ arm, and the latter was unable to reattach it or grow a new one. Wolvy finally killed him by chopping off his head with the sword.

Now, if it’s a shampoo commercial or a photo shoot in Seventeen, Wolverine is probably screwed.

On the other hand, if it’s a contest to see who’s Googled the most, I’m not sure who would win.

Googling “(wolverine OR logan) (x-men OR marvel OR avengers OR movie)” returns 3,240,000 hits.

Googling “(cheerleader OR claire) heroes” returns 3,440,000 hits.

Pretty close, I guess it all comes down to the electoral college’s decision then.

I’m surprised the latter isn’t much higher, as there are any number of non-Heroes contexts in which the word “heroes” might appear with either the common name “Claire” or the word “cheerleader”. A page about “sports heroes” would be likely to also mention cheerleaders, for instance.