Starting now, please. You don’t have anything to do this afternoon, right? Coffee? A nice glass of wine? A mint julep? Are you comfy?
This might be really cool, and a neat way to explore history, but if you ever do this, you must have some way of tracking what stories have been read, and which haven’t. Once you lose the linear nature, your fans risk not being able to drink up your every word.
Let me know if you decide to do this. I could help with the coding. I owe you.
My mother astonished me by blinking.
She’s driving down to my sister’s tomorrow morning. The impact of this is amazing- she’s only once blinked first in a freeze-out-contest (that was after the third and biggest argument after I came out) and by going to my sister’s, she’s actually going back on her “I’ll never set foot on her property again” word. Sometimes I’m forced to concede that she really is getting (or has gotten) old. Someday soon it’ll be Neverland without Hook, I suppose (besides which she’s had more lives than a cat- one of the reasons she believes she’s psychic is because her doctor told her she flatlined for a moment when in ICU five years ago and is now convinced she has “a foot in both gardens” even though she wasn’t actually dead and has total amnesia of the entire month she was there- one of the most frustrating images of her ever was seeing her leave the hospital, tracheotomy scar still visible, lighting a cigarette.)
Anyway, this is almost disappointing. Of course she only decided to go after my sister accepted her own offer of hospitality to come see the Patsy Cline play at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival this weekend (my mother has free tickets), so I suppose that’s her loophole.
And a correction to a previous post: Mr. Potato Head’s multicultural friends were not Mr. Orange Head and Mr. Cucumber Head, but rather Oscar the Orange and Cooky the Cucumber (who was in fact female, but somehow with pipe and felt moustache we inadvertently transgendered her over the years). The bag also contained Pete the Pepper, who I’d honestly forgotten for 30+ years but remembered as soon as I saw his picture (odd- I had a similar flashback once during a Land of the Lost thread when somebody mentioned Holly climbing into the sky). His other Tooty Frooty Friends™ included Katie the Carrot (I don’t remember her) as well as Franky Frank, Frenchy Fry, Mr. Soda Pop Head, Mr. Mustard Head and many others who I have no recollection of.
Considering that Mr./Mrs. Potato Head were whole and uncooked tubers, Frenchy Fry was sort of gross (rather like having a doll for humans called “Scaldy Sammy” or “Vivisected Vivian”), and is it me or do “Mr. Soda Pop Head” and Mr. Mustard (jar) Head" and “Willie Burgerhead” just seem like you’re not even trying anymore? “Hey, how about Mr. Contact Lens Solution Jar Head, or Mrs. Catfood Head!”
Dang, Sampiro, now that’s just made me hungry! For hot dogs, no less!
wanders off muttering something about not having any weiners in the house
So, a completely self-serving and semi-embarassing question to anybody still reading- if you were going to choose 3 favorites of these to refine and edit and put with what I’ve got that’s not on here for submission, which would they be? In no particular order-
*Mr. Potato Head Bible Beating (the $5 I stole as a kid)
*Hacksaw the Musical (the truck wreck story)
*She came in through the Bathroom Window (my nekkid grandmother story)
*Fireworks and Hurricanes (my sister’s argument with my mother)
*Le Morte d’Bo (the dead dog)
*Spinning in the Sunlight (the dead chirren)
*Other
Thanks for any info (and apologies for what may seem like ego and stuff, but I want to put my best foot forward when I edit and send the stuff),
J
These have my vote.
Mr. Potato Head, Hacksaw the Musical, and Spinning in the Sunlight, if I’m asked to vote for only three.
And this poll might be best taken in a new thread. Just a suggestion.
My vote:
Minor nitpick: If you’re at all concerned about correct grammar/spelling - I think it should be “La mort de Bo”. My French has gone down the toilet though, so perhaps matt_mcl may be able to confirm this.
I’d also give a special mention for the time your mother attended a gay pride parade 
Cheers,
Max.
Potato Head, Fireworks, and Hacksaw, in that order. Need help proofreading anything?
I like these. And don’t worry about sounding “self-serving” - we’re all encouraging you! Go get 'em!
It’s a reference to Thomas Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur.
It’s official. I’m a philistine. 
Max.
Mr. Potato Head Bible Beating
Fireworks and Hurricanes
Hacksaw the Musical
Spinning, Bo (with the family dinner framework) & Other (the blog piece about your Mother’s Gay Pride Parade.) Just .02 from a pushy stranger.
Best of luck to you!
The blog piece, Bo, and Mr. Potato Head.
- Fireworks and Hurricanes
- Mr. Potato Head Bible Beating
*She Came In Through The Bathroom Window
And absolutely everything else you have written. Your stories are Southern Gothic Crack!
It’s not fair to make us choose!!! If I must, in the following order:
She Came in Through the Bathroom Window
Le Mort d’Bo
Mr. Potato Head Bible Beating
However, Spinning in the Sunlight is so wonderfully Gothic South, I am of the opinion that it deserves it’s own place in literary history. You are a very good writer, and while I am able to visualise all of your tales, this is the one which had an impact on me beyond laughter. It has all the elements of a perfect short story, childhood, ghosts, tragedy, and the ending of those poor children spinning eternally in the sunlight. shivers Superb!
Definitely Hacksaw and She Came In Through The Bathroom Window.
Hmmm…this was a toughie, but I ended up with: