Man - I can’t believe I read through this thread. What are you, 15? Yes, you ARE a fucking idiot. Just to pick one ridiculous point - what the hell is a “future ex-wife” for however many months, who you live w/ and apparently has access to your texts…
Make some decisions in all aspects of your life. Shit or get off the pot. And spare your cow-orkers and employer your juvenile PDAs. And, since I always get my guidance from Animal House - Fuck her! Fuck her brains out!
Also, how can you be kicked out of your own house?
Yeah, you fucked up royally. My advice, take it for what you paid for it:
Put an immediate end to any non-work relationship with Sandra. Do not stay with her, even for one night. Find a cheap motel, and rent a storage space if you have a lot of stuff you have to get out of your house. Start an apartment search too.
It sounds like Sandra doesn’t want you to hold her responsible for what happened. That’s her choice, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But if in a week or so she starts dropping by your office or texting again and wants to “feel safe”, don’t engage. Absolutely nothing good can come from it.
I have no idea where you live, but if it’s a place with any sort of adversarial divorce system, get a divorce lawyer, now. Because your “future ex-wife” is certainly talking to one. Don’t do anything like attempt to move back in without talking to your lawyer first.
Sandra does not need to be carrying you right now. She has her health problems and is already leaning on family members for assistance. You are an absolute ass for even considering staying with her.
What the hell is a “future-ex-wife” who is still bothered by you dating other people? When you told us you were separated and getting a divorce - had you told her yet? Have you actually filed any paperwork?
You had no business starting anything with Sandra, and you owe her an apology. Pray that your idiocy and philandering do not also result in job loss. Get yourself together and file the paperwork to set your poor wife free. She deserves better.
Then give yourself a full year completely alone to try and develop some character and values. Find a cognitive behavioral therapist and tell them that you’d like to pick up your moral development where you left off - apparently at age four. Then get to work.
This. You talk about spending ‘all day’ talking with this other employee often. Doesn’t this interfere with getting your work done? And now you’ve prominently shown you’re less interested in your job than in flirting with this woman, at a company event even.
Don’t you think your employer is taking note of this? And less than happy about it?
Having ‘no place to live’ AND ‘no job’ is an awful one-two punch to set yourself up for.
Listen to TruCelt. That post nailed it.
You are entirely responsible for what happened to you. If she’s having regrets about the whole thing then she’s responsible for those regrets of her own. You are both adults and you each knew the risks. Neither of you forced the other into making incredibly stupid decisions to be together. I don’t have a lick of sympathy for either one of you.
But your wife? Yeah, I feel badly for her because she’s married to an adulterer who didn’t have the common decency to end one relationship before starting another.
I just want to know who you think IS responsible. Hint: it’s not Sandra and it’s not your wife, who IS still your wife until the divorce is final. Ok, Sandra doesn’t win any brain points for cuddling and making out with a married man, but as the supposed “older and wiser” man you should have thought of the consequences of fooling around when you are technically still married and have no place else to live.
TruCelt is 100% right that you have to stop any non-work contact with Sandra. And no romantic entanglements at all until you are officially divorced, and have your financial and housing situations straightened out. Think with your big head from now on!
There’s a great song done by the blues band Little Charlie & The Nightcats (now Rick Estrin’s band) called My Next Ex-Wife.
I’m sure the band would be cool with us using the song as the theme song for this thread.
Looks like one more change coming up for both of you: finding new jobs.
I know you have a lot going on, but as far as your employer is concerned, nothing has changed to the deal they made with you: they give you money in exchange for you doing shit for them. This doesn’t change when your goldfish dies, or you’re upset with the ending of the OC, or even when you’re inna bidding war on EBay over a Hummel figurine. There are some things most decent employers will give you some space and slack for: death of close family members, mainly. But you having the hots for a coworker doesn’t typically qualify.
So you posted here, asking for advice, and you ignored all of it. We ALL saw this coming.
Leave Sandra the fuck alone. She doesn’t need your bullshit and drama.
So, from what I read in your OP, she has exhibited (in your judgment) numerous signs that she really likes you, but you have never actually asked her out on a date? I read that situation as foolish on your part. I read the fact that she is in what appears to be a bad relationship but is indicating that she might like to pursue a new relationship as meaning, once again, that you should ask her out. If she says no, that is probably an indication that she views you as the dreaded “Nice Guy”, a guy a woman loves to share time with and talk to, but not a guy who sparks any romantic interest. Again, the only way to find out is to make a move.
Jasmine, you really should read the whole thread. Or at least the OP’s last post in it.
If this were the old days where you actually needed cause for a divorce, I would say the FEW (future-ex-wife) used Sandra to set up the OP.
Some comedian I can’t remember said he wasn’t going to get married again - just find a woman he didn’t like and give her half of everything he owned.
Les Espaces Du Sommeil - go look up the phrase “royally screwed” in the dictionary. See the picture next to it? That’s you.
You can [ul][li]Lose your job []Lose this relationship []All of the above.[/ul]Choose carefully. [/li]
Regards,
Shodan
This.
In Maryland, you still need a cause. I had to live separate from my ex for one year before I could file for divorce.
Yeah, it was pretty clever the way she tricked him into finger banging his cow-orker. What a conniving woman.
I’m with TruCelt and Helena. OP, you’re nowhere near ready for a relationship, and this Sandra sounds like trouble. You should stay the fuck away.
I for one am shocked that the wife you forgot to mention in asking us for romantic advice did not see herself as your “future ex-wife” until she caught you cheating on her.