Conversely, I know a lot of women who seem to think that the point of sex is for them to get off, and never mind if the man gets off.
The times it has happened (an asthma attack in the middle of sex is a killer, let me tell you) my wife has been pretty unhappy that I didn’t get there, even if she doesn’t get there all the time. I care less about mine than she does, I think.
That being said, she is the first woman I’ve been with who couldn’t get there fairly easily, and in fact until just a few years ago, didn’t get there at all, ever. So it’s taken some adjustments to my thinking and my methods to understand that sometimes, no matter what I do, it’s just not going to happen for her.
You do? I honestly have never heard a woman say anything like that, unless maybe she’s joking, because it’s almost a given that guys will ALWAYS get off. It just doesn’t require strategy or a lot of time or effort like it does for most women.
I mean, really, what guy without some sort of problem isn’t going to get off? Even if the woman is somehow a “hair trigger” like most guys, it isn’t like it takes many more pumps after hers for him to achieve his. Again, this is sort of mind-boggling that this is a topic.
I remember years ago my ex sis-in-law went on anti-depressants. She and her husband had a healthy sex life and she never had problems coming to an orgasm. Within 2 weeks of when the drugs started to kick in, she couldn’t cum at all. The desire was there (at first) but she couldn’t get there no matter what they tried. This made her even more depressed of course!:smack: I believe she switched to a different anti-depressant and things went back to normal, eventually.
There is nothing sexier than watching and feeling your lover cum, but if it doesn’t happen every single time for one reason or another…well…then it doesn’t. Personally, I don’t have very much experience with it not happening to me or my past partners with the exception of my ex-husband. Our sex life took a dive. A deep deep DEEP dive after many years of marriage.
If I’m wrong, feel free to enlighten me. I can only go by my own personal experience, and while that’s extensive it’s certainly not enough to make generalizations about ALL men. In addition, I have the anecdotal evidence of a couple hundred women, but again, if there’s some big problem men are having with orgasming, I’d be interested in hearing about it. Because, by and large, the only complaints I really hear about sex from women is that guys are too quick or too selfish in bed, or that they themselves have issues orgasming. I have rarely heard of guys not being able to get off, unless they are impotent or on drugs or drinking or something.
I’ve got no problem being wrong on the internet. I’m sure I do it multiple times a day.
Indygrrl, this could be a case of being a certain age (past whisky dick but pre-Viagra) or demographic. Someone already mentioned antidepressants. About 10% of Americans are taking them, and they can mess with women’s and men’s libido and ability to orgasm. I’m also not sure how much women report this particular problem, outside of anonymous advice columns. If the guy is orgasming too quickly, at the very least he (or you) can blame your hotness. If he can’t get it up or orgasm, for whatever reason, there are women who will place the blame on their own unattractiveness.
I’ve experienced this phenomenon from multiple men. Fortunately (for my ego), all of them reported it was a chronic issue for them, and so I didn’t take it personally.
That said, given the choice between the delayed responder and the hair-trigger type, I’d go with the latter. I’ve experienced two-minute men, and although it means the fun ends sooner, at least I don’t feel as if the guy is laboring fruitlessly over my body.
For me, PIV sex rarely brings me to orgasm, so a man who takes his time prior to inserting tab A into slot B has given me one (or more ) beforehand. PIV sex is more about emotional intimacy on my part and getting him off, so yeah, it’s important to me that he gets to orgasm too.
Case A: dude had a fixation with the Duracell bunny. He wanted to last, and last, and last… The constant, repetitious mechanical movement did not bring me anywhere near climax, but rather make it impossible for me to come while giving me chafed, bruised thighs. Not. Fun. I discovered that, by yelling OHYES (which was the only sign of “orgasm” he’d believe), he’d finally come and get off.
Case B: dude didn’t come easily, was interested in experimenting, weeeeh! Fun!
I figure if Case A happened to be on antidepressants, either he wouldn’t have been interested in sex or I would have had to eventually manage to fall off the bed or something… for Case B, if he’s happy with whatever pleasant results we get, so am I.
) beforehand. PIV sex is more about emotional intimacy on my part and getting him off, so yeah, it’s important to me that he gets to orgasm too.