This is a sub-oll arising from the thread “Have you ever chose masturbation over actual sex?” thread.
As someone taking an anti-depressant I have found it nearly impossible to orgasm through sex. It changes the dynamic considerably, as without the male orgasm there is no natural stopping point.
So women, do you care if your male partner comes to orgasm? Would you think it was weird if he didn’t? How do you determine when sex is “over” ?
I found it very disconcerting. It was caused by the same reason as you, antidepressants caused an inability to orgasm.
Part of my trigger to get off is his getting off, and without that, I never really quite made it and after a while it was just like “I’m tired now, and this is starting to become more of a chore than anything else” so we just stopped. Also excessive friction. Not fun.
None of the choices fit me. I care – a lot, actually – because I want my partner to enjoy the experience. It’s also damn sexy to have someone come for you. But I also don’t think that if it doesn’t happen that “something is wrong.” Sometimes, especially the older we get, the stars just don’t line up and it doesn’t happen. Or, there are physical issues or meds or whatever. I actually had a occassional lover once who rarely orgasmed (for various reasons I won’t go into here) but we both had tons of fun. Would I have preferred it if he’d come every time, or at least more often? Absolutely. Did it send me into a tailspin? No. Did it mean we didn’t enjoy each other immensely? No.
It depends on how he handles it. If he has to go on and on and on trying and getting frustrated and cussing under his breath and trying fancy maneuvers that don’t work at all for me just so he can get off, it’s really unappealing. But if he can go a while and then we can snuggle that’s perfectly fine. Never been with a guy who handled it well.
I picked the top one, but really I’d change it to, “If he doesn’t climax I’d be mildly concerned, and disappointed he didn’t get to finish.”
It happens. I have a hard time getting mine and don’t always, so I can’t freak out if he has a hard time getting his.
Um, why should his finish be the stopping point? Why not mine?
The “male orgasm” better not be the stopping point. Unless the woman’s already gone at least once, I mean. Both parties should be prepared to come to whatever the mutually agreed upon satisfaction-for-both-parties is, rather than considering one gender “the end.”
I think I owe my very life to this male orgasm you speak of, so yes, it’s important.
Not the case for you younger people, I realize.
Oh, you mean my partner’s. Yeah, I think he mostly should have one, too.
This. Why isn’t MY orgasm important, and why isn’t my orgasm the natural stopping point? Why is HIS orgasm the most important issue?
Now, if I was having sex with a guy, and he couldn’t get off on a regular basis, I’d wonder if he was getting any satisfaction at all from the sex. If he’s getting something out of the deal, and especially if he wants to have sex even if he’s not likely to have an orgasm, that’s fine with me. I would vastly prefer that he be able to orgasm, but if he has medical issues, well, then, there’s not much I can do about it, is there? I’d certainly talk to him, and ask if he wants to try some different things. Within reason. But if I’m pretty sure that I’ve done whatever I can to help him enjoy sex, then what more am I supposed to do?
Now, if he doesn’t want to have sex because he doesn’t think that he’s going to have an orgasm, he has a right to feel that way. And I’d probably spend some quality time with myself if I needed to.
I want my partner to have an orgasm, because if I care enough for someone to be having sex with him, then I want him to be happy, and orgasms generally make people happy. But I don’t regard the male orgasm as the primary goal of having sex, if that’s what you’re asking.
The plumbing lends itself to his being the natural stopping point for coitus, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s hard to have penetrative sex with a noodle.
If he goes off first sex doesn’t have to stop, but coitus does (unless he’s a teenager or lucky man with a super short refractory period).
I’m of the opinion that a man who finishes and then “is finished” whether or not the woman is done is an inconsiderate douchebag. There are plenty of ways to bring a woman to orgasm that don’t involve an erect penis. Find one.
I’ll leave the mint in my navel so he can refresh himself on the way back up.
[TMI]
Something I have personally noticed is that taking a Levitra means there is considerable amounts of time before ‘noodle’ phase kicks in. As a guy it means that the orgasm is far from the end of festivities.
[/TMI]
Sometimes it’s impossible for both of us to orgasm. For example, I can’t come during morning sex. Or sometimes he can’t come if he jerked off earlier that day. It’s not a big deal. We still like having sex, and we’ll make sure the other person comes at least.
Quite. And all the women in this thread who sometimes find it hard to come and don’t, instruct your man to do his duty. It’s MUCH easier to come with clitoral stimulus for most women. As a gay woman, I never have to go without a climax. Still amazes me how often women are still short changed on this issue.
Because by the time I get mine, you have had several.
The sounds he makes preparing to cum are what make me cum, so I’d say very very important.
Usually anyway.
So I guess you aren’t quick on the trigger. Some men are. And women don’t automatically have orgasms from straight penis/vagina sex…some of us need something more.
Do you prefer battery powered, or AC corded? Personally, I find the battery models noisy; a two speed AC motion coil model is quiet and very effective.
I’ve never been with a guy who couldn’t get off pretty easily (unless he was under the influence or something). For the most part, it’s a complete non-issue with my husband, and he gladly does what it takes to get me where I need to be before he gets off. Frankly, I think he could come almost instantaneously if he didn’t go out of his way to last for my benefit. Well, for our benefit, I don’t think one minute sex is his idea of fun either, haha.
But yeah, if he wasn’t having orgasms it would become an issue for me. But so far, I’ve never had to worry about that with men. They are in the enviable position of being able to get off almost always, regardless of the situation.
Who says it has to be from straight sex? Unless we’re just after a quickie, I’ll usually make damn sure my wife has had an orgasm before we even start the penetrative sex part. Anything after that is a bonus. 
When you need to know, I’ll let you know if anything is required.
You seem to be fairly enlightened. A lot of guys think that the whole point of sex is to get the guy off, and never mind if the woman gets off.