tomndebb wrote:
Well, 50 is about the age when Menopause hits. I ain’t sayin’ it’s “right,” but I can understand why we male humans wouldn’t have a biological imperative to go after a mate that does not have a good chance of bearing children. Ol’ evolutionary psychology rears its head again.
Incidentally, the last girlfriend I had was 51, and she was indeed post-Menopausal.
nice… see… simple init.
BTW older men and evolution, past 40 mens sperm count reduces so its a nice idea BUT…, probable chance is that teenage girls and guys up to 35 could be a evolutionary legacy but any older is unlikely UNLESS they have kids with someone else and pretend its the older dudes… oh yes… sneaky…
Huh? What 20-30 year old women are you talking about?? I lived in an all-female dorm for 4 years, then have worked the past two years with women my age. Of all the women in their 20’s I’ve known, I can only think of a handful that have dated a guy over 30. I think maybe 10 years older is the biggest age gap I’ve known someone my age to date. Therefore, given this, I think it’s fairly unusual for a young girl to date someone twice her age.
I’m probably going to hell for suggesting this, but the guy you’re describing in the first paragraph sounds more like the girls’ pimp than boyfriend…
Mandelstam wrote:
Well, the evolutionary-psychology theory is that women (and men) have the desire to make whoopie in the first place because it increases their chances of reproductive success.
And actually, that “younger” I wrote in the last sentence was not a typo. I was saying there is an incentive to marry – that is, be in a long-term relationship that involves sharing resources to bring up the kids – a younger guy, and then cheat on him by breeding with – that is, making whoopie with for the purpose of getting pregnant – an older guy whose genes have “proven” themselves with time.
It’s all explained in this handy-dandy evolutionary psychology webpage: http://www.king.igs.net/~rogersk/mono.htm.
May be because older men tend to be less shallow. We all get old. You will too one day. You should print off this thread as a reminder of your opinion of age. You won’t always look like you do right now. One day those wrinkled old ladies may look pretty good to you and you’d feel lucky to have one pay any attention to you.
Quote ultress;
Earlier in my posts, I did mention that I’m aware that I’ll age also and get all wrinkled.
Almost everyone these days bases a lot on physical appearance. Notice the several billion dollar a year cosmetic, exercise, plastic surgery, clothing industry and people in the soft porn industry, like Playboy, Playgirl and other such magazines. Look at Sally Field, who in real life has a face that is wrinkled and makes her look severe and grim rather than her trademark bubbly cheerfulness. When she makes an appearance or film, the makeup people do a marvelous job of making her look 20 years younger and cheery again.
Men are just now starting to get into plastic surgery to look younger by removing facial gravity wrinkles and the almost inevitable pot belly.
I, myself, have discovered that fat has this annoying tendency to settle around my middle, disguising the once predominant ripples of muscle there and expanding my trouser waist. My ‘smile’ lines are starting to become etched in my face and standing in front of a mirror after a shower, I’ve noticed that my butt seems a bit ‘looser’ than when I was 20.
So, I am aware that age is creeping up on me and eventually I’ll be somewhat saggy and draggy also. That does not mean that I find it attractive. Knowing that I’ll get wrinkly too doesn’t mean that I find wrinkly women in their 60s or 50s sexy.
My ideal woman is neither supermodel skinny nor obese. I prefer those in-between, without ‘rubber band’ arms or rolls of fat around the middle. I do see an awful lot of these tall, older men walking around, with businessmen’s haircuts, expensive glasses, wearing expensive casual clothing and sporting a large pot that forces their belts down over their hips, bony legs poking out of their golf shorts, hairy enough to make a mattress off of their arms and legs, with young looking women as companions.
I wonder why because to me, the man looks ugly. I have seen good looking women in their 40s and probably early 50s hanging around with much younger, good looking guys and I can understand that, though the sightings are rare.
I’ve gotten part of the answer I’ve been seeking from this post so far, but the other part ‘do younger women find much older men physically attractive’ has not really been answered yet. I once had a lady friend when I was in my 20s, who was then in her late 40s and she looked cute, dressed younger, had a young attitude and was fun to be with. Had the option of having sex with her ever come up, I would have happily participated, but it never did. She was more or less a mentor, but she did keep herself looking good.
I can think of her now, and still get similar urges, so it was not just that while in my 20’s, I was naturally horny enough to have sex with almost anything female. 
I found an ‘elder’ porn site, more of which seem to be appearing, and dropped in for a look, then dropped out in a hurry and purged my computers links to it. Most of the men and women there I found to be unpleasant to look at.
That also got me wondering about the attraction between older men and younger women.
Most women I know within my own age range get all heated up over good looking young men or men within their age bracket, with the exception of the ones I have previously mentioned. I want to stay reasonably good looking, like I’ve seen many an older man do and I can understand the attraction for younger woman to such a guy, but I’m mystified about attraction to those men who do not take care of themselves and look their age.
Viagra makes the sex thing more possible now for older men and women, and I can understand how much better this makes it for the elderly man with a 20 or 30 year old girl friend, but does she really like it?
**tracer **
Well, the evolutionary-psychology theory is that women (and men) have the desire to make whoopie in the first place because it increases their chances of reproductive success.
It’s probably already evident, but I have very little patience for evolutionary psychology (and none of the social scientists I know think very much of it either). However, one of the few (if very obvious) postulates I’m willing to concede to this paradigm is what you’ve just said above. Yes, nature made sex nice and desirable for us so that we’d have babies.
That said…
I was saying there is an incentive to marry – that is, be in a long-term relationship that involves sharing resources to bring up the kids – a younger guy, and then cheat on him by breeding with – that is, making whoopie with for the purpose of getting pregnant – an older guy whose genes have “proven” themselves with time.
Do the people who write this stuff know any actual human beings? Or do they spend all of their time making reductive analogies to animals and machines?!
If this were true then the world would be filled with women my age or younger, married to young or youngish men and having affairs with men 10 or 20 years older. How common is this pattern? Married, as I am, to a man in his 20s and with a kid, I have plenty to do in between posts to the SDMB. And while I know many women in my position who do stray for any number of reasons, I see no evidence of a “hard-wired” tendency (as evolutionary theorists love to put it) to choose older lovers. (Thanks for the hand-dandy evolutionary link which I’ll check out on a day when I’m looking for a deliberate boost to my blood pressure; the stuff tends to make me mad!)
Alrt, I hope you won’t mind my saying that you seem a bit obsessed with this issue. I think it’s safe to say that panting sexual arousal at the signs of male aging isn’t the reason that significant numbers of young women are drawn to older men. And many other reasons why they might do so have already been suggested to you: here and by your friends. I have to agree that you seem a bit obsessed with appearance, including your own. I think most people of both sexes nowadays are able to stay in pretty good shape if that matters to them. So I can’t help but wonder why you are thinking so much about what older men whom you find unattractive look like without their clothes on.
Maybe it’s just a personal difference between us, but unless I’m strongly attracted to someone, the idea of them naked never pops into my head or, when it does, I banish it pretty quickly. (I distinctly remember having some unpleasant speculations about the sight of Bill C. in his birthday suit when the whole Lewinsky affair blew up and wouldn’t go away.)
Maybe you should stay off of porn for a while (which does have the tendency to develop sexual arousal based on visual cues alone). If the need arises, close your eyes and think sexy thoughts for a while and see what comes up; read an erotic book. Whatever!
Let’s also remember that the men we’re talking about are generally very rich, or exceptional in some other way. These are the relationships that make the newspapers.
But how many 60 year old plumbers have 25 year old girlfriends?
I’d just like to chime in as a woman between the ages of 20 and 30 who does NOT date older men.
And in fact, the rest of my female friends date men who are less than five years older than them.
Though I personally prefer my men younger than me or my age. (18-22) Rarely do I go for anyone older… and the oldest was about 25 but acted 18.
I honestly cant tell you why women would seek out older men, aside from money or someone who will pay for a nasty skag habit or whatever. But I’m sure it can happen. Different strokes, ya know? I think Sarah Michelle Gellar is -hideous-, but I know quite a few boys who would give their left nut to be with her.
But I don’t see myself ever going for anyone comparable to my dad. Too much of a generation gap.
Of course, I’ve managed to avoid the kind of boys who’ve decided I should look more like their video game girl and who’re unhappy when I don’t.
So acceptance and security have never been an issue.
Are you kidding? Do you know what plumbers make these days?
I’d date you and I’m a measly three years older than you. Wife enjoys your books and the same movies, so you two would have plenty to talk about, too. 
As I age I find the cutoff for too YOUNG for me to really find attractive is about thirty. Twenties are too young and late teens are just creepy.
Heard the number $150k being thrown around the other day. I chose the wrong career, but regularly prove I have no talents in that direction, anyway.
Heck, us software engineers can make upwards of $150K per year here in the Silicon Valley, and you don’t see chicks hanging all over us.
**
From this persective, I’d be totally abnormal. I work with a nice enough 38 yr old man, but I find it oogy (i.e. disturbing boardering on creepy) that he seems to be interested in me. In fact, I find the fact that he’s 14 years older than me to be a ** complete ** turn off. He’s closer to my parents age, of course I don’t find that attractive.
If this theory had any validity to it at all, wouldn’t it be common for older men to marry very young women? Since the average age for the first marriage 25 for females and 26.7 for males (http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/ms-la/tabms-2.txt) The oposite seems to hold true.
Oh, I am so disappointed in this thread! Now it seems that when I get old and wrinkly and about all that will work now and then is Hard Harry, that I’m not going to find young True Love!!
elfkin it was not unusual in something like the 14th century, among a few others, for men to marry women 10 to 20 years their junior. It was actually pretty common. Recently, within Utah, among the polygamists in the Moorman faith, men in their 40s were taking brides in their 20s. They made a movie about it. In the movie, they made it look like all of the ‘brides’ were just resigned to their fate and doing their duty but in a recent court case over a polygamist family, and this nut really kept it all in the family by wedding sisters and cousins of the same family, the women did not want anything changed. The youngest, if I remember right, was around 25 years the man’s junior.
I guess, when I get into my 50s, 
if I’m single, I’ll have to win the lottery to be surrounded by young, pretty, firm bodied babes.
I’ve occasionally scanned the AOL personals, and, roughly the acceptable average age difference the women there agree to is anything from 5 to 10 years in a guy. I have come across only a few who are in their middle 20s who are seeking guys in their 50s. Both I contacted and asked why, and both returned answers quoting maturity, attitude, quality of affection, attention and stability. In the international personals, South American woman showed a much higher desire for men 10 to 20 years older and when I asked why of a few real pretty women, they quoted maturity and stability and, surprisingly, culture.
The South American ones I considered suspicious because there are a major amount of women who just want to get the heck out of there and I’ve read many a report about mail order brides who, after being here for a year to get legalized, dump elderly hubby and take off for new horizons.
The same applies, I suspect, for the major amount of young Russian brides and those from the associated nations seeking American men on these ‘Love’ personals.
I think you all have pretty well answered my original question though and it is appreciated.