Women *sigh*

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I’m not sure how much this will actually add to the conversation, but since I’m a woman and I’ve done online dating (rather unsuccessfully, might I add), I thought I’d throw in my two cents.

I, too, am divorced, all kids gone, professional, blah, blah, blah. (I’m somewhat close to my college weight, but since I was a nontraditional student and didn’t graduate until I was in my 30s, take it with a grain of salt. Ha.) Online dating from a women’s perspective tends to be hit or miss, largely miss, especially when one gets in my age range (mid/late 40-mid/late 50). There are a lot of guys out there (at least in my geographical area) who are looking for the woman they see on television–no older than early 30s, in television shape (very very slim, athletic but not too athletic), and quite honestly, will treat them like crap. I’ve had friends who have done the online dating and are one step away from abuse towards a guy, yet the guys are lining up at the door to be with them.

I’ve been on many dates as a result of online selections, and although they’ve been very nice guys, I didn’t necessarily feel drawn to them one way or the other. There wasn’t anything about them that stood out from all the other guys online. (Maybe they thought the same about me.)

I will say that a deal breaker for me is if when we meet, he talks about himself the entire time. Everyone always tells me, “You’re such a good listener” and if someone tells you that on the first date, it’s doomed. That means you didn’t shut up long enough, or ask questions, that the other person could actually, ya’ know, converse with you. Yes, I want to get to know something about you, but if I’m asking all the questions, and all the responses are about you, then it’s one sided. (Plus, that means I get a ton of information about you, and some things I don’t need to know on the first date.) I’m not going to interrupt your stream of consciousness monologue to insert my comment–not on the first date. And if you can’t see that you’re monopolizing the conversation, then…I’d like someone with a bit more perception than that in my life.

PS. Enjoy your vacation! I hope it’s to somewhere exciting, or at least pleasurable.

42

Nah… you did it in posts 23, 24, and 25 in this thread.

You seem like you need a vacation.

:smiley:

43

Do these women you connect with share some kind of common characteristic? (Besides age, of course.) Do your dates share some kind of common theme? And how many dates do you get before the cone of silence? Any common conversations?

For instance, if you told the woman with the 14 year-old how glad you were that your kids were on their own, she might take is as you not wanting to deal with a kid again. Not saying you did that, but it is the kind of thing that might be an issue.

I’m just glad I’m married and going to stay that way. I’m not sure I could face what you are going through.

44

Just a thought: women with 14 year old daughters can be really, really careful about bring strange men into the picture.

45

Posting at 3 AM is never a good idea. Thankfully, I seem to have made it through relatively unscathed.

This time.

46

If you’re just trying to get laid, I’ve found a couple of counter-intuitive strategies that have paid off. For me at least. Talk dirty to them, right off the bat. As in your very first message.

I could not believe some of the replies I got after messaging very attractive girls with, frankly, ridiculous and offensive things. It went against all my instincts but I made myself click “send”. And more often than not, I’d get a positive reply. And in a handful of instances, it actually led to hooking up.

Now this is irrelevant if you’re looking for a relationship. The women who respond to this type of messaging aren’t exactly looking for marriage. But if sex is the goal, unbelievably, it works.

47

I’m really not strange.

I know what you’re saying, but if she is on a dating site…

48

I largely put off dating while the Hallgirls were at home. I went on a few dates, but I was very reluctant to bring someone into the home for a long term basis.

49

I wouldn’t try to analyze it if someone doesn’t call back, just move on and move ahead make other dates with other people and have fun. I had a date with a guy once, outside cafe and a cute dog wondered up to our table and he didn’t like it and acted like it was dirty and said something about people shouldn’t have dogs around food… After that date he called and asked me for another date and I just said I didn’t think we were compatible. I wonder if he is wondering what went wrong? Maybe I should have explained so he wouldn’t think it was him. It was really because I like dogs and I can tell he doesn’t, so not gonna work- there’s nothing wrong with him though he should date someone else who doesn’t like dogs.

50

I think there is a grain of truth to this.

I worked with a guy. He was basically me but not quite a good looking/slightly more ugly, less impressive education, not as exciting hobbies blah blah blah.

And I am not saying this as some sort of stealth bragging. He actually told me all this himself.

The main difference was he was confident and would say shit to woman that would make Howard Stern think twice.

He got laid as often as he wanted.

51

Just make sure that is actually what you’re dating!

52

No, no. I am not looking for that. Believe me, if you’re male and work in the industry I work in, that is not an issue. I attend one or two conventions a month, and it would take about 30 minutes at night to get someone into my hotel room. Not bragging, it just is what it is.

When I was first single, I availed myself of that opportunity rather often. I am looking for something different now.

53

It’s so much competition on those dating sites which makes it a lot tougher. I been ghosted on 4 times this year and had to accept it’s life in the online dating world. Sometimes you do need a break from dating because it starts to get to you but hang in there OP.

54

I know there are websites out there that alert women to “serial daters”, i.e. guys that just use dating sites to get laid. Maybe someone should start one about “ghosters” (male and female.) It’s such rude behavior.

55

yeah so many people prefer to avoid confrontation which makes ghosting a easy option.

56

I am actually gaining respect for the woman who wrote me back after six months. She actually had the huevos to tell me it wasn’t happening, even if she changed her mind.

57

On the other hand, sometimes trying to explain to someone that it’s not working, you’re not going out again, whatever, is not worth it because they want to argue about it. Like in the example above, if some guy is rude about dogs I’m never going to see him again, but if I tell him it’s because he was rude about dogs he’s going to explain to me how he really wasn’t, and anyway, dogs are dirty and they really do carry germs, and…it’s just easier to ghost.

58

At least he said he did.

59

And I suppose you would be a better judge than me of whether he was telling the truth?

The dude didn’t lie. Mainly because he had no filter so to speak and also generally didn’t give a shit about what anybody else thought about him.

60

Wow. I don’t think it’s me. I precipitated the biggest shitstorm in history last night and I don’t even know how. I didn’t make a bad joke or even said anything off-the-cuff, but appanrtely I stepped in it, big time. A girl I haven’t spoken to (literally) in a decade called me this morning and asked me what I did. I could not answer that question.

ItI’ve got my two best wingwomen on the case, but I may need to call in a profesional. seems like I’ve lost a girlfriend over this and I have no idea why. Seriously, no idea why.

Manda Jo?