But “looking good” and “good fit” are not always different things. Being with someone who looks good and you’re attracted to is part of being a “good fit,” no matter how shallow your preferences are (whether you’re a man or woman).
I just don’t buy the notion that rejecting someone at first glance based on height or race is somehow a higher-order rejection than rejecting someone because they’re ugly or fat. This is not a polemic against any of those behaviors; my point was merely that I don’t think women are any less strict on physical requirements than men – they just value different things.
I want a penny for each time that one of my school classmates who claimed that some blond actor with limp hair was “so gorgeous” (in fact, let’s limit it to those who claimed to only like blond guys) was caught staring at the guy with black curls
well i think then u did actively startgetting it shap, it prolly gave u a huge confidence boost. also prolly gave urself some kinda daily structure, which would then contribute to the trait of self sufficient and stability.
well yeah and at that point its good to find someone that doesnt just satisfy what u “need”. they gotta to add/mix with who you are as a person.
well humans are visual creatures. if something exhibits the right visual qualities, then they have a better shot at being more attractive in someones eyes. course when u dip into that concet course u gotta keep in mind, physical attraction/perception of beauty is a subjective socially influenced opinion… blaa blaa all that jazz. but i think that women are just more know for basing attraction on personality as well as looks. not sayin guys cant, ive know ma share of picky guys that just werent feeling the spark. also women can be shallow. prolly based on relationship with parents and the family dynamic idk. anyways… think i may have gotten off subject a tad. my bad ^^; ive been attracted to genuinely beautiful people, but if personalities dont mesh… just cant. ive discussed it with a few guy friends. some of them say guys can hone in more on the physical, overlook any personality traits they may not like. honestly thought it was fascinating, love picking apart peoples brains, specially when it deals in human relations, and sexual social dynamics. ugh again sry for the long confusing ramble… kinda new to forum posting ^^;
I’ve been through a cycle twice of pretty fat guy to fit triathlon guy and each time it’s been interesting going from socially invisible to ‘is he checking me out’.
It’s not the only criteria (money! good job!) but size does matter
Speaking of “socially invisible”: My husband is very tall and very striking looking. I’m older, not as tall, and not as striking looking. When we’re out together, I might as well be invisible. People fawn over him and ignore me. People have actually overtly flirted with him, with me sitting right there. Both men and women can be very rude when it comes to dealing with what attracts them and what doesn’t. I tend to shrug it off, but it bothers my husband, even after all these years.
How does height come under fit rather than looks?
What can be inferred about fit based on whether someone is white, black, Latino (short of keeping the bloodline pure)?
Didn’t mean to, it’s just not that deep. I answered one who said that having rigid restrictions on height and ethnicity was an example of women judging on looks. But it isn’t. Those are examples of women excluding persons of a certain height or ethnicity. We don’t know why, could be prejudice or because her parents will freak or because she wants the man to be taller than she is, etc., all of which say a lot about the woman’s preferences and nothing of any man’s looks.
But height and ethnicity are a part of “looks”; they don’t define it completely, but if I’m told someone is “of Masai ancestry” I sure won’t be expecting a short, blue-eyed blonde. How are you defining “heigth” and “ethnicity”, that you consider them part of fit and not of looks?
This. I’m almost 47, and I’ve almost never* had a relationship of any significance where I wasn’t instantly attracted by the guy’s physical appearance. That sounds shallow and to an extent it is, but firstly, it takes way more than that to keep up my interest. Arrogance, ignorance, conservatism, racism, poor hygiene, general jerkiness - all of these are massive turn-offs that even the best looks in the world couldn’t compensate for. If you don’t believe me, I distinctly recall watching Interview With A Vampire one night and drooling pathetically over Brad Pitt … and then the next day seeing a TV interview where he was doing his best Jeff Spicoli and thinking “Ugh, he’s an idiot, never mind.”
Secondly, what I find attractive in a guy’s physical appearance isn’t necessarily (or even usually) the chiseled GQ model sort of look. I understand where those women were coming from, drewder, the warm-and-friendlies count for a lot. So, the guy who I used to consider the love of my life was shorter than me (and I need heels to reach 5’4"); another ex I adored was certainly no more than objectively not bad, though I had actually orchestrated our meeting after seeing him and thinking he looked cute and fun (which he was); my current love is ginger, LOL. And none of them look(ed) remotely like each other.
The one long-term relationship I had where I didn’t start off physically attracted to the guy, but grew to love him due to his personality? It ultimately ended because the love never really turned into physical attraction, as much as I hoped it would. So for me, yeah, that spark does have to be there first.
Jeez, what a horrible thing to say! You do realize there was an actual human on the other side of that discussion, right?
Honestly, age does not bother me, as long as the man is not also stuck in old-fashioned ways of thinking. IME it’s very rare to find a man over 60 who is looking for a partnership of equals. And I can’t stomach an unequal partnership.
I’ve never had any kind of age preference whatsoever. I have an uncle who’s in his 90s, and is one of the hottest men I know. I’ve occasionally seen kids, and thought “He’s gonna be exactly my type, once he grows up”. My own husband is 20 years my junior, and I’d feel exactly the same toward him if he were 20 years my senior. It’s a cliche, but true: age is just a number.
