Women: When a guy puts the moves on you...

You described my own situation really well. It’s a learning curve, getting caught up on basic life skills I didn’t learn when young. For me, being nice is the best policy in life 99% of the time. I’m able to be assertive, of course, it’s just a matter of timing, sensing the right moment when to switch from nice to assertive. I admire women who can make the transition smoothly in either direction.

If the guy is just being overbearing and too touchy, the advice given is good. But if you feel like you’re in immediate physical danger of getting raped, punch him in the throat hard and run away.

A guy hit on me in a convenience store once, and I just ignored him rather than get into a confrontational thing. His retort was, “BAH! You’re too fuckin’ old for me anyway.”

I was like 35.

The recovery was painful, but I’ve survived. :wink:

I feel embarassed for my fellow male at times like this. It’s like the guys that hoot and holler at some woman walking down the street. Oh, yeah, that’s gonna work. If a woman wants to be with you, you’ll know it. Otherwise, keep your grubby hands to yourself. It’s not a difficult concept, even when you’re drunk.

When I find myself being overly agressive in my persuit of women, usually something along the lines of “Look buddy…I’ve given you your blowjob now will you please leave me alone” works. :smiley:

I love guys who think they are doing girls over the age of 29 a favor by hitting on them. Some guy in a bar told his friend “he’d hit that 30 year old” about my GF’s friend. I’m thinking “no you won’t…you’ll probably just stand there getting drunk with your friends not talking to any girl” Kind of like this guy:


Back when I was with a band, and spent a fair amount of time in bars, early in the evening [like the just after work times when we were setting up and hanging out] if a guy wouldnt leave me alone, usually a drink dumped on him got the idea across, but one guy got nasty and got a steel toed sneaker to the kneecap and a short ride in an ambulance.

Usually the bartender or guys in the group kept the regular mashers away, but there are occasions when left pretty much alone for a while made me a target for someone who though that just because I was with the band, I was a groupie [heh] and available.

Lissa is my new hero. :cool:

Heh, I was just about to ask her if she’d asked Scarlett for an autograph.

He sounds like a lunatic… and he’s looking to hookup. Beware of anyone who comes on too strong too fast…they’re not sincere.

Just be blunt, and tell he’s out of line. He needs to back off.

Right. He’s smooth because he’s a player. It’s merely a ploy. And damn! I like the “slap and/or drink in face” reaction. Look, at the end of the day, you’ll be glad you did it… no regrets. :smiley:

the men that are interested in conversation and an intellectual exchange of ideas do not, during the interaction, touch or stroke the other individual in a suggestive manner. That’s how you tell the difference.

i meant to quote this one. what’s up with the reply function?

It’s hard when you get this at work. I sometimes work the reference desk of my public library. Sometimes, on weekends or at night, I feel like one of those dancing girls in a cage. Can’t get away! Which is *not * to say that I attract 'em like flies, or anything like it; but when your job is to sit in a public place and smile and be helpful to people, there are those who will take advantage. I personally have a very hard time dealing with this sort of thing at work.

A couple weeks ago there was this really annoying guy. He never laid a finger on me, but he kept hanging around, making these asinine little witticisms, winking, telling me that I’m cute, etc. A sample of his charm: he would ask me a question, and when I answered, he’d say, “Shh! It’s a library!” (Ha ha. Yes. Go die now.) My cool, professional, polite-but-not-friendly demeanor bounced off him like a nerf ball; he kept on comin’. Finally he said something like, “You’re so sweet! You’re married, aren’t you?”

I looked him in the eye and said, “None of your business.” He got a fake-shocked look on his face, like he thought I was kidding; I said, “Mister, you need to leave me alone now,” and he faded away.

I haven’t seen much of him since; but I often wonder if he’ll be back. He didn’t seem the type to let go so easily.

That’s my choice too. I give most guys the benefit of the doubt. If they’re just a bit drunk, nerve-ridden, whatever, then a light tone gives a face-saving way out for everybody. It’s usually pretty easy to just deflect innocent or awkward passes by not responding to them. IMO most human egos, male or female, can use some charity from others. Who hasn’t done/said something really, really stupid in a brain fart moment? My chosen tactic is a howling non-sequiter; any response that’s completely unresponsive to the pass. Even a humorous rejection 1. probably won’t feel humorous at all to the recipient and 2. calls attention to exactly what I want to finesse past. That’s more a difference is style than substance, though.

I’m with you, Hello Again. I’ll tactfully deflect a misguided fumble. Any pressing gets a pointed rejection, egos be-damned. A cool “Not interested” with a dead-level stare in the eyes usually suffices. From that point, my soverign right not to be hassled kicks in. Any grouping results in the stray appendage being forcibly returned to the owner with a clearly stated, “You will stop that NOW.”

OK true but I mean there has to have been some interaction prior to the touch or stroke right ? And it’s hard to accept that the male had no real interest in what you’d been saying up till then nor has he any interest in continuing once he knows you are not interested that way. That was my point.