I’m hoping lots of female Dopers will help me with this. It’s a serious poll for an article I’m writing.
Situation: you meet a guy socially, or it’s a first date, and the two of you are chatting, spending some time together, getting to know each other.
I want your Top Five things that he SHOULD DO that are most likely to encourage you to like him or be interested in him. Examples: complement your appearance, ask about your family, take an interest in your career.
Also your Top Five things he should NOT do unless he wants your interest to evaporate. Examples: talk about himself too much, be a sports bore, do ‘funny voices’ humour that just doesn’t work.
Make interesting conversation. I want to learn more about you.
Ask some questions about my life. Show your interest.
If you kiss me, only give me a light, gentle kiss. If I want more of a kiss, I will show you. No tongue in my mouth unless mine indicates it first.
Hold the door open for me.
Do Not:
Burp/pass gas
BS compliments. If you think I look pretty, say so. However, DO NOT overdo it. We can tell when you are exaggerating. For example: “You look really great tonight,” is acceptable. “You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen,” is not.
Stare at my boobs all night. Look into my eyes instead.
Talk sports, unless I bring up the subject first.
Stare at other girls.
If I think of any more, I will let you know…
And as an added aside, please please please don’t let us keep thinking that you are interested when you have ceased to be so. The only reason that that is not #1 on my list is that the OP specified first date. But please don’t lead us on. When we finally find out that you have stopped being interested, IT HURTS. ALOT.
I’m on the same page with Monica and Dragongirl. DO:
Ask me questions about myself. Too many guys ignore this very basic courtesy.
Tell me interesting things about yourself.
Dance with me. I don’t date guys who refuse to dance.
Smile. Let me know you’re having fun.
Compliment me!
DON’T:
Spend the entire evening talking about yourself.
Drink too much. One beer is fine; four beers are not.
Tell me you can’t stand kids. It’s a big turn-off.
Complain about your mom or exes.
Go off on fanatical political tangents–about the P.C. Police or Amerikkka or what have you. Not on the first date. Idealism is wonderful; fanaticism is not.
Stand up when I leave the table (not many men do this, but it impresses the hell out of me when they do)
Treat any service-people with respect
Put your hand on the small of my back as we go through a doorway
If I do something clumsy, act like it was charming
DO NOT:
Answer your cellphone. In fact, it shouldn’t ring. In fact, don’t bring it with you inside wherever we go.
Draw all conversational topics back to yourself as quickly as possible
Discuss exes or your parents, unless specifically asked.
Make any “territory-claiming” moves, like putting your arm around my shoulder, or grabbing my hand, or putting your hand on my leg, or ordering for me, unless I initiate it or ask you to
Do:
smile and laugh
ask questions about me and my life
open doors
make eye contact
leave a good tip (if we go to dinner)
Don’t
be rude
stare at my chest!!!(seems to be the most popular activity)
tell me all about your sexual conquests and tell me how good you are
talk about yourself all night
be allergic to cats
I pretty much agree with most of the stuff here, with a few exceptions:
As a fifteen-year-old, I understand if your parents make you carry a cell phone. No big deal, just don’t have any unecessary conversations.
2)I really like physical affection, so I like to have an arm around my shoulder, or my hand held, or a hand on my leg.
I volunteer to put my arm around your shoulder, to hold your hand, and especially to put my hand on your leg. Oh, I’m 39, and the difference in our ages turns me on. I hope it turns you on, too.
Do you mean…
Don’t talk about your favorite sexual positions on the first date or…
Don’t talk about your favorite sexual positions on the first date on the first date?
notcynical said, “I volunteer to put my arm around your shoulder, to hold your hand, and especially to put my hand on your leg. Oh, I’m 39, and the difference in our ages turns me on. I hope it turns you on, too.”
Pick me up/meet me on time. It shows you’re interested & considerate.
Hold up your end of the conversation. I know first dates can be awkward, but I don’t want to feel as though I’m interrogating you, with you volunteering only the smallest bits of information.
If you’re picking me up, be a calm, considerate driver.
Tell me that you’re glad to be out with me. You don’t have to gush, just say something like, “I’m glad we were able to get together tonight.”
Open doors for me.
DO NOT:
Share too much about your: psycho exes/lunatic family members/past sexual experiences/three previous arrests for DWI/past medical sagas. TMI is never good.
Ask, “So. What happened to you/What’s wrong with you?”. If you’d like to know why I’m in a wheelchair, tiptoe into it; “I’m not sure whether you’d be comfortable sharing at this point, but may I ask how long you’ve used a wheelchair?” I’ll get the idea.
No glancing/staring/gawking at other women. You’d think this would be obvious, but some men still do it - they think they’re being surreptitious, I s’pose.
Get blitzed. I’ll have a couple drinks with you, but getting blotto on the first date isn’t good form.
If I could find it on-line, I’d post a link to the lyrics to Leslie Fish’s “The Way Not To Get Laid” which includes the line [Don’t] *brag of where your tongue has been!" Instead, I’ll offer up the following:
DO
Make interesting conversation. If I don’t like your mind, nothing else will matter. Respect boundaries. I once had a fellow perform shiatsu on my hand after I specifically told him I wasn’t interested. This starts at this trivial and continues up to sex itself. Open a door for me. I admit to being a feminist, but I like being treated like a lady. Respect me. Remember I like to think I’m a competant, intelligent person. (Actually, this hasn’t been a problem.) Smile!
DON’T
Be rude to the waitstaff. This is a date-breaker. Be rude to anyone else, for that matter. Try to change my mind if I’ve taken a moral stand, no matter how trivial. This may sound foolish, but a fellow who trying to date me kept telling me ways to get around a clause in my ISP contract. Since I’d taken the service aware of and agreeing to the clause, telling me how to get out of it made me like him even less. Act like you’re single if you’re not. This includes girlfriends, SO’s, etc. In other words, if we’re on a date and I find out you’re married, engaged or involved, during or after the date, any relationship we had or were starting to have is out. Get drunk.
What do you know – I came up with 5 each. Most of this stuff should be common courtesy, but I’m not sure it is.
Here is what happened: I was offering my hand for a hand shake to a woman I was going to be working with and someone called my name and I turned my head while my hand was still there, I felt something hit my hand and I clasped and “shook” once before I figured out what was wrong. She had just sort of overjudged and leaned into my hand i guess. Anyhow if this happened to you woukld it freak you out or would you get a laugh out of it? Whats the best recovery to make here? I just pretended nothing had happened, as it wasn’t strictly a social meeting but I still cringe when I think about this.
