%>&*§$ women

In My Humble Opinion
1

There’s a ‘little girl’ Iam after. Her name is Megan and she seems to want more than a friendship as well. Everything seemed to be perfect.
I was just about to tell her that I love her etc. but when I asked her to go out tonight she just said: “I’ve planned something else tonight”… Nothing else. No ‘Sorry, but’ or hesitating. She did not even explain what she has planned . I was trying to find words and just stuttered something like “Errm okay then, see you on monday”.
I hung up and thought “Okay that was it!”. I did something wrong, I’m a fool, whatever… I can’t do a damn thing about it.
So I worked the whole Weekend to keep my thoughts off her.

And today - monday - she came to me smiling, we talked a lot and had a great time. Iam so confused now. What does she want.

Women are so hard to understand and “read”.
How can I distingiush between a

"NO, you idiot, when do you finally get it? Fuck off!"

and a

"NO, but if you stop now, you’re not worth it anyway."

I already talked to her sister about that and she told me Megan probably just didn’t want to go out with me that night. But how can you not want to go out with someone your in love with (Iam pretty sure about that)?

She is a really, really special girl/woman (smart, witty, damn pretty, hot)… She never had a boyfriend and I’m the first one she didn’t dump immediately.

Another hint: She’s half Irish, half Scottish.

Help me! =)

Disclaimer: I’m a newB-doper. So if this isn’t the right forum, please just move the thread. And I’m not an english native, so please excuse my mistakes.

2

IMHO

talk to her… comunication is a wonderful thing.

Being “In Love” does not always require spending ever breating minute with each other. Do not take her not going out with you that night as a blow off.

It kind of sounds like to me you both are interested in each othe and have yet to have an actual “first” date.

Ask her out on a date well in advance. Maybe today/tommorrow you should ask her out. Do not wait till the day of, because she might already have plans.

Best of luck to you.

Osip

3

Of course instead of getting all wound-up about hidden meanings, you might just accept her words at face value. She might be the kind and ethical sort of girl who believes that if you have a prior arrangement with someone, that arrangement, as a matter of courtesy, takes precedence over all but dire emergencies. This bodes well for a relationship with her I would think.

She didn’t know you were going to declare your heart that night, for all she knew you were just asking her on a last minute date, which she declined because she had already organised something else. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, just means what the girl said.
So try again, but plan ahead this time. Good luck. :slight_smile:

4

What Osip said. Stop getting so worked up, and take it at face value. Personally, I can’t imagine asking someone out for that very night and having them say yes, when I’ve never gone out with them before!
There is a name for your belief that if she “loved” you she would’ve behaved differently. It is called a “preconceived notion,” and in relationships it is a very dangerous thing.
All signs are good here. Her sister is giving you good signs, she came to you of her own free will after the weekend, etc. Stop beating yourself up wondering what might be going on, and stop putting unspoken expectations on her. You’re not being fair to either one of you.
And this part is probably not my business, but I’d think twice about telling her you “love” her at this juncture.

5

In agreement with my esteemed colleagues, plan ahead, and avoid the idea of being in ‘love’. If you two have never been on a date, I highly doubt you both are in love. You may be very fond of each other, you may have strong feelings, but don’t call it love.

Relax, calm down, and just ask her sometime today or tomorrow if she’d like to get together “later this week” and see what she says.

6

Jeez, take a deep breath. It’s not like she popped out with “Hell no, I wouldn’t be seen in public with a dill hole like you. Besides, I’ve got a gang bang film to star in tonight.”

Maybe she already had plans. That’s my guess anyway.

7

Erm… Eh? Little Girl?

Other than that, wait and see; speculation is pointless and possibly counterproductive in that it could make you do something stupid or appear neurotic. Calm down and wait it out.

8

So, you’re Young and Hopelessly in Love with a Beautiful Girl in Spring. Sucks to be you, huh? OK, we’ve all been there (honest). Right now your emotions are running at 9000 RPM and your foot is jammed to the floor. Ease off the gas, big guy, before you throw a rod.

Besides, you don’t want to scare her off, do you? Calm down, relax, run a few miles, cold shower it. Do what you have to so that you can regain control of yourself.
Self-Confidence is Sexy.
PS- Please don’t say ‘Love’. You don’t really even know her yet.

9

Oh, and I’d avoid probing her sister(!) excessively for insight; it could end up working against you if it makes you look scary and intense.

10

how about “Hey, I’m going to X on Saturday night” (this should be Wednesday or so) “WOuld you like to joine me?”

Takes the pressure off of a first daye and besides there might be another time she is busy - it happens - it doesn’t mean her feelings for you have changed, it just means she is BUSY. Respect her space, respect her schedule, respect HER. you will go a lot further. Oh and don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.

11

As an ex-teenage girl (I was one a while back :stuck_out_tongue: ) I’ll second these comments expressed by other posters:

  1. Don’t tell her you love her if you’ve never dated her. Don’t tell her on the first/second/any early date, either. Love usually takes a while to really be sure of, and telling someone way too early that you love them sets off various bad warning bells. Maybe you’re “in love” with her, but it tends to take some time to develop a real love that involves a good relationship.

  2. I wouldn’t recommend asking her to do something that very night - or at least, don’t be surprised if she says no without going into further detail. Some women even have a policy to never accept a date that’s set for fewer than a couple days from the asking day, as some people think it shows a lack of consideration - like you’re the second choice when someone else backed out, or like your date thinks you couldn’t possibly have anything else to do.

Slow down, things sound fine. Don’t stress out. If she’s still all smiling and chatty with you, she’s still possibly interested.

12

Please, if you learn anything from me, ever, let it be …

NO MIND READING.

Tell her you plan to take her at her word, and do not read anything into what she did not say. Do the same for her. Say what you mean, don’t make her have to guess. If you are unsure, ASK.

Example:

My husband isn’t much for the whole flower thing. Seems a waste to buy flowers, they just die. I explained that I like getting flowers (it is the experience, not the object - you don’t get to take dinner and a movie home to keep, either). I told him under what circumstances I like to get flowers, and what kinds of flowers I do and do not like. Sufficient data so that he doesn’t have to read my mind (“does she like flowers on her birthday? I don’t know! But she seemed to be hinting at something like that, or maybe it was something else… ARGH!”), and I don’t expect it (if it is really important for me to get flowers at a certain time, I tell him, in advance).

My best friend says that the no-mind-reading rule is ‘unromantic’. As a result, she weeps and rages that her husband only ever gets her flowers if he happens to walk past a flower stall on the way out of work, and often gets her kinds she can’t stand. He’s expected to guess which kinds she likes, and remember every hint she’s ever sent about the topic. He feels jerked around because even his casual nice gestures are counted as utter failures. I, on the other hand, got a copy of my wedding bouquet on our anniversary, delivered to work. Who is happier? Whose life is more romantic?

If she didn’t say it, don’t assume it. Ask. And give her the respect she is due, and ask her. Not her sister. If necessary, fess up to your nervousness, and say you are feeling a bit insecure, but don’t let your fear run things - let your respect for her run them.

And next time she doesn’t pop up with an alternate to a ‘not tonight’, try either suggesting ONE alternate time/place, or asking her to get back to you when she knows her schedule. (If you keep suggesting alternates, you sound desperate, which is BAD juju in relationship-land. Suggest just one, then back off.)

13

First off, “little girl” doesn’t cut it. I doubt that you’d enjoy being called the “little boy” under the same circumstances (sorry, but that is a pet peeve of mine).

Second, she may go with the rules that she doesn’t accept ‘last minute’ dates. It gives the impression that she was an afterthought. Try making plans for Saturday and ask her on Tuesday or Wednesday. Good luck.

14

Umm she said no to 1 time of your asking her on a date and you’re all flipped out about it? I have only one thing to say to you:

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

15

I think I should provide you some more background information.
Her sister is in my grade and we’re good friends for a couple of years now. And I know Megan also for a longer time now. It would be the first real date indeed. But in the last time we often went to clubs & parties together (with some other friends). She knew already that I was kind of interested in her. On a party few weeks ago her sister came to me and told me to just go and get her! I couldn’t believe it. She told me Megan is not the one who says ‘Oh Sev is hot’ but there were several indications/hints that she wants more than a friendship. Anyway I didn’t do it this night, which was probably the right thing to do. At that night she left without saying goodbye. So you see this is not the first time I thought it was over.

You’re all probably right, that I should ask her earlier.
And I know I shouldn’t talk to her sister, but she’s the who understands best.

‘Little girl’ was ironic. She is ‘stronger’ than I am and all other guys regardless of their height, age,savvy,wit…(as far as I have witnessed it)

And I’m really sure I love her.

It is very hard to get her on the phone. Sometimes she even does not answer SMS. But now I know that doesn’t mean anything. Ah and she would never call me. She almost never calls anyone. She just receives a lot of calls… I think it’s part of her insecurity and shyness. It’s hard to explain.

communication
I’m pretty open and I share your opinion that talking is the cure to most diseases. But I can’t talk open with her yet. So we’re playing the read-the-others-mind all the time. I’m just to afraid that she just dumps me if I came to her and spoke openly about things.

Self-Confidence is Sexy.
I know. That’s what makes her so sexy and the fact that I’m quite self-confident* as well is probably the reason why I do have a chance to get together with her. I never had problems with girls. There are a lot ‘simple ones’ out there. But she is although she’s 16 more mature & confident than most of all the others girls I know. I’m 18 by the way.

  • in public, hehe. here I’m trying to get my pain eased :stuck_out_tongue:
    I’m really sorry for not replying directly to everyone and secondly for this confusing post. I hope I answered most of the question.

A BIG THANX FOR ALL THE REPLIES!!! You already helped me to cool down :slight_smile:

16

I agree with the “try, try again - but not too often” thing. Be quite specific: “Do you want to go see Identity next Tuesday night?” That gives her the chance to say

(a) “Gee, I’d love to!” [great]
(b) “I’d love to but I have dance class that night - how about Wednesday?” [also great]
© “Sorry, I’m busy.” [bad, but you gave her the chance to make other plans.] You can say “How about Wednesday?” and if she says “no” again, it’s pretty much definitive (unfortunately).

It’s important to be quite specific with your question because then it’s more clear what the answer means. You would know that she doesn’t mean “I just hate movies” or “I’m busy that night” or “I never accept dates less than two days in advance.” Plus you give her every opportunity to make it work!

I think that women who say “no” when they mean “yes” aren’t the best choices for girlfriends. Take her at her word.

And no, please, don’t tell her you love her just yet. There’s a very good chance that that would make her run for the hills.

17

I was with my ex for two months before the word “love” came up, and I’m the one who brought it. You may well be infatuated, but infatuation is not the same thing as the sort of love that keeps people together for fifty years. Infatuation is FUN when it’s shared, though!

Do try again, but don’t be too intense and weird about it all, and do NOT make any declarations of love yet!