Women's rejection tactics.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m sure there are women out there that don’t do this. I’m also sure men do this as well. Being a straight male, however, I can only speak from my experiences.

A back story of my latest experience. I met a gal over the internet, and we’ve been texting almost non-stop for over a week. We were planning on spending Xmas Eve with each other, (she asked me to spend the night). Though we both claimed we were just looking to be friends, it was highly likely that we would be ‘fooling around’ to some extent when we were to meet on Christmas Eve. We were to “cuddle” at very least. Last night I texted her asking her if the doors were open to being more than friends at SOME point, or if she just wanted to stay pals. I told her that either way I would be ok with her response, but that it was good I knew what to expect sooner rather than later. Long story short, she didn’t reply.

Now, people here can say that I might have “said the wrong thing”, but it’s no excuse just to cut off any contact. No matter what anyone says, I believe she was wrong. If she didn’t wish to talk to me anymore, she could have been up front about it. I’m mature enough to handle that. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking if there’s a chance for future romance. If the roles were reversed, I would think that people wouldn’t fault a woman for wondering what to expect in the future. I didn’t act needy… I said I would respect her reply.

Last night’s incident aside… I’m pissed on how women I’ve met handle situations in where they don’t want to be up front about their feelings. They stop responding to you, They give you a fake number, and they just take the easiest way out FOR THEM to avoid being adults, and speaking to men like they’re adult. They make men feel worse, just to avoid saying; “No thanks, I’m not interested”, and let the man be fooled into thinking they scored a number, or letting them think that they’re actually interested.

Ladies, how would you feel if you were given a fake number?

I also object to the; “THIS IS CRAZY, but here’s my number, so call me maybe”. Why is it “CRAZY” for a woman taking the initiative to pursue a man? Maybe then they could actually relate to what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a rejection.

2

So, there’s no chance she just hasn’t had the chance to reply?

3

Unless she’s in the hospital. Like I said, we texted non-stop. She has another phone so I know she didn’t just lose her phone. She would text me all the time at work. I would wait for her to text me a lot, because I didn’t want to bombard her with text messages. But she would always come through with keeping the conversation going. Every night and morning she would text me.

4

Bolding mine.
So. You both agreed to be friends, you tell her that you were, in fact, full of shit about that, and SHE is the one who wasn’t up front about her feelings? And she’s obligated to respond to you after finding out you weren’t interested in having the relationship to which you agreed?

I just wanted to make sure I read correctly.

5

I said I wanted to be friends now, but asked her if the doors were open for the future. I told her either way, I was ok with. I was not full of shit, I just wanted to know if it would possibly lead anywhere. She made it seem as if I would be more than her friend at some points… which is what lead me to ask.

6

You irritated her, so she’s blowing you off.

7

She’s just not into you.

And now for the unsolicited advice: You’d do well to start interpreting a lack of response as a “no thank you, not now not ever” going forward. You are much less likely to be disappointed in the future. Women don’t owe you (or anybody else) the courtesy of a polite rejection. That’s not how social interaction works, so perhaps you could get with the program and work on accepting that.

In actual fact, providing a polite rejection opens the door for guys to whine and ask “why not,” get pissed off, and swear I’m not really like that/I will change/I’d be such a better boyfriend than him/blah blah blah. And before you get butthurt because you would totally never do such a thing, you’re just some guy she’s been texting. How could she possibly know you’re a guy who would totally never do such a thing?

And anyway. You don’t want to be with a girl who is not 100% enthusiastically into you. Do you? Closure is a myth invented by the entertainment industry. Move on.

8

Tell me how that’s irritating?
Maybe I did, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time… Tell me how I did so, and I can learn for the future. Even if I did irritate her, she can’t tell me that?

9

So, you long for a world where women are honest and upfront about their interest in and reaction to your romantic and sexual overtures. Even more, you’d like one where women can make overtures themselves without embarrassment or shame. It’s a perfectly understandable desire, and most people would heartily agree with you.

It comes at a price, though.

First, you - and all the other men in the world - do not ever get to nag a woman to reconsider once she’s said no.

Second, you - and all the other men in the world - do not ever get to call a woman a bitch or a c*nt or any other name if she turns you down, even if she’s not sweet and apologetic.

Third, you - and all the other men in the world - do not ever get to call any woman a slut, a skank, a whore, or any other name that implies they are bad people because they had sex. Ever. Under any circumstances. Even if it was for money. Even if it was a consensual gangbang. Even if it was with a guy you hate. Even if it was with a guy you hate in a consensual gangbang for money right after she told you to fuck off when all you did was ask her if she’d be interested in a date.

Fourth, you and all the other men out there, really need to put a lid on double-edge sword of “I’d tap that,” “she’s a butterface,” and “I don’t dick fat chicks,” as well as the other variations out there.

Why?

Because every time some man nags a woman “Ah, come on, we’d be great together. You should give me a chance,” it reinforces the need women feel to avoid conflict at all costs. Sooner or later, pretty much every woman out there has had to put up with a man who would not take “no” for an answer. Answering “hell, no” only gets us called names, so we revert to nicely-nicely good girl polite tactics of avoid, deceive, and retreat.

Also, every time any man calls a woman a whore, a slut, a cum dumpster, or some other name because she chose to have sex, regardless of circumstance, the rest of us women notice and refuse to put ourselves out there for that kind of abuse. That includes expressing our interest in men, making the first move, and initiating sex, because we’ve learned through hard experience that any of those decisions can be turned around and used to denigrate us.

When you and all the other men out there start rating women on their sexual appeal and reduce them to nothing more than parts or describe women only in terms of being warm, juicy bits you can stick your penis in, women are sure that we will get exactly the same treatment the moment we’re not there.

Some of us (women, that is) have managed to go against years of ingrained acculturation, put aside our feelings of fear and vulnerability, and have nurtured the ability to tell a man up-front “No, I’m not interested,” or “you just crossed a line, and I’m not dealing with you anymore,” or “I’m very interested in you,”. It’s not consistent. I can do it on some days, and other days, I find myself quibbling and fibbing and very carefully stepping back, looking for a plant to hide behind. It’s just that hard to steel myself against the kind of vicious hostility I’ve encountered and I’ve seen other women encounter when we have done exactly what you’re asking for.

Oh, do you object to the fact that I’ve made you responsible for things you don’t do, attitudes you don’t hold, and gender roles you had no part in assigning? I’m terribly, terribly sorry for that. I thought that’s what we were doing in this thread.

10

I am moved on.

Just curious, why is it the man’s job to take the risk of getting rejected? Why can’t women ever take the initiative?

11

I felt irritated for her when I read your OP. You agreed to be friends, then you send her a lamewad text saying, “I know that’s what we said, but would you be amenable to something else?” No.

I suppose she could have told you she found your question to be annoying, but as far as I can tell, you two haven’t met yet. You’re some dude she found on the internet who she planned on meeting, but you’re pestering her already. Sometimes in cases like that, it’s just easier to blow the person off.

12

This right here. She got spooked, and she doesn’t want to leave you an opening for debating/questioning/arguing/screaming at her. And yes, it happens. A lot. Talk to a guy innocently and he hits on you, and you say, “I have a boyfriend.” You get back “You’re not married so it’s OK” or “I’d be way better for you.” Mention that you’re married and you get back, “I’m not.” And ok, maybe she shouldn’t have texted you so much if she didn’t want to “encourage” you. Maybe she was “naive” and figured that you liked her as a person and she was enjoying the experience of getting to know a new friend, and pow the dating issue comes up.

13

Hey, phouka?

fist bump

14

We do. I did, twice. I’m married to the second guy.

15

Yup, some of them do. And quite a few men respond to a polite, “Sorry, I’m not interested,” with “Oh, YEAH? Well then fuck YOU, bitch!” Perhaps some women do that, too, and regardless, it doesn’t justify women giving a fake number or dropping of the face of the earth, but it might help you understand why they do.

But in your case, no, I think your internet chick was wrong. I think you were *also *wrong to try to take things up to the next level before you’d even met - even though you’d agreed to be just friends - based on the apparently unspoken assumption that you were going to get frisky. And I heartily agree that not every pickup line and catcall merits a response. But if you’ve been communicating that much, to the point you had plans to meet, I think she owed you at least a “Yeah, no.” (If you then wheedled or threatened or responded with anything other than, “Okay, take care,” then yes, she should then ignore you.) I’m a woman, and I’ve gotten the sudden radio silence routine, and it totally sucks.

However:

No, it’s crazy because she just met him, as it says in the line immediately before that. Yes, it’s crazy to give your number to someone you just met, whether you’re a man or a woman. And sometimes, you go ahead and do it anyway.

Also, consider that even if only men do the asking, women are still on the receiving end of a rejection all the goddamned time. Every time they’re interested in a guy and are hoping desperately for him to ask them out and he chooses someone else, they’ve been rejected by him. So they get rejected by guys who don’t even know they’re doing it. In that scenario, a woman who has never been asked out has, in a way, been rejected by every available guy she’s ever met. That’s an idiotic way to go about things. Personally, I’d much rather ask and get a definitive answer one way or another than be forced to assume I’m not wanted, and that’s what I do.

But for the record, there are still (in this modern age!) a lot of guys who are put off by the woman pursuing them. You might not know this, but as a woman who has pursued, I can tell you it’s true. Now, in my opinion, a guy who would be into me otherwise but is weirded out by my asking him out is not someone I’d want to date anyway. But there are a surprising number of otherwise nice guys who feel this way, and so for some women it’s not a dealbreaker. So, rather than risk pushing away the object of their affections, they wait for him to ask them out. But this is becoming a lot less common now, isn’t it?

16

Seriously, you’ve been invited to spend the night with a woman to “cuddle” on Xmas Eve after knowing her for about a week, then complain that women don’t take the initiative?

17

I agree that in a perfect world, men would behave the way you described. I know I’m as respectful as I can be. I like the straight dope. I don’t like games. If a woman’s not interested, that’s fine with me, (personally). But I do see what you and others are saying. It ISN’T a perfect world.

18

She wanted to wait until she had actually spent some time with you in person, ensure there was some chemistry before dealing with relationship talk. The question isn’t why did she blow you off, but why did you push for a relationship before discovering if there was mutual attraction?

19

Represent!

20

I’ll admit… I’m clueless when it comes to this stuff. Can people forgive me for my ignorance? And again, she HINTED at being more than friends. We were too close for her not to just tell me she was annoyed by the question.