When you’re up to your ass in alligators, it’s difficult to remember tha your primary objective was to drain the swamp.
Could be worse. Could be raining.
Somehow, when I finish reading this I hear a clap of thunder and raindrops.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don’t.
[QUOTE=Nature’s Call]
Hoc volo, sic jubeo, sit pro rationes voluntas.
Translation please.
I had to ask our Latin teacher about this one - she told me that it roughly translates to “Because I said so.”
Jammin’
Here’s a guy who when he puts in his contacts, he sees better!
-John Madden
This was actually my highschool yearbook quote: :smack:
If you come forth with a fifth on the fourth, you might not come forth on the fifth.
Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.
“A facility for quotation covers the abscence of original thought.” - Peter Wimsey
A co-worker of mine is fond of saying (particularly after I’ve ranted on a problem I’m tackling), “Hmmm… could be worse [dramatic pause] It could be me.”
I don’t remember that being in The Jerk. I remember it being a deep thought by Jack Handy.
On the door to my (very messy) office:
“One advantage of being disorderly is that one is always making exciting discoveries.” (A.A. Milne)
On the bulletin board in my office:
The Six Phases of a Project
- Enthusiasm
- Disillusionment
- Panic
- Search for the guilty
- Punishment of the innocent
- Praise and honors for the non-participants
Live each day as if yesterday were the third day before the day after tomorrow.
Dollars to daisies, the world is what it is.
“Never look a gift lion in the mouth.”
“In the ongoing battle between airplanes, hollow objects made of aluminum and plastic and traveling at hundreds of miles per hour, and the Ground, made from Dirt and moving at zero miles per hour, the Ground has yet to lose.”
“The superior pilot uses superior judgement to avoid situations requiring superior skill.”
“Eagles may soar, but Weasels have never been ingested by jet engines.”
“Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial”
“When the going gets tough…I’m outta here.”
I believe the following is a paraphrase of something by HL Mencken:
“For every intractable, complex and puzzling question there is someone who has an answer that is popular, simple, plausible and wrong.”
You can do any number of slight variations such as “For every intractable disease there is someone selling a cure that is cheap, plausible and ineffective.”
etc
Oh, and my other favourite is:
“Cynics believe everyone is corrupt, the naive believe no one is corrupt, and idealists believe everyone is corrupt but themselves”.
“So I’ve got that going for me…”
Usually as an afterthought to some unnecessarily lengthy description of nothing special. I don’t know why, but it works every time.
“Women like to talk about their platonic friends. Men don’t have platonic friends. Men just have friends they haven’t fucked yet.” -Chris Rock.
Famous last words:
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” – Union General John B. Sedgewick, on the subject of Confederate snipers, during the Battle of Spotsylvania
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” --Pancho Villa
“Let’s not attempt to use logic here. It will only slow us down.”
That comes in handy quite often.
Defective Detective, that reminds me of an unofficial motto I’d heard (and spread) while in the Navy - “You can’t be a buddy 'til you’ve fucked a buddy.”