Words to live by...

*My cousin sent me a list of universal laws of nature. I liked them, and thought I’s share.

Universal Laws

“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice”
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.

“Law of Drunkeness”
You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

Halleluja to that one!


The Law of Consistency:

Interchangable parts don’t,

self-starters won’t,

leakproof seals will.
The Law of Conservation of Maximum Expense:

A three hundred dollar picture tube will protect a ten cent fuse by blowing first.
The Law of Involuntary Celibacy:

Never eat oysters when you’re lonely.
The First Law of Proctology:

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

**Friendly fire - isn’t.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.**

never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

Never forget, your firearm was made by the lowest bidder.

If anything can go wrong, it will, and at the worst time.

if everything is going to plan, you’ve overlooked something.

Old college roommate Susan’s sociological theory:

People tend to get pissy when they don’t have any food.

Hofstader’s Law: Things take longer than you expect, even taking into consideration Hofstader’s Law.

(GOD, I love recursive and self-referencing definitions.)

The Peyote Coyote’s Maxims for Life:
It’s illegal only if you’re caught.
Live fast, live hard, die young and live a good-lookin’ corpse.