Workplace Griping Spinoff - Shredder Guy and other tales

[Rebo]

It was suggested (by me!) that we should have a spinoff from the Workplace Griping thread.

flatlined entertained us with many stories of her illustrious coworker, Shredder Guy. I have compiled her stories here.

Please feel free to add your own “Adventures with Shredder Guy “ stories.

@flatlined

To the shredder guy who used my computer on his lunch break. SG, I don’t care that you use my computer, its not mine, it belongs to the county. If I’m not using it, I’ll share so you can surf the web. BUT, the next time you use it without logging me out and get a virus I WILL send you down the shredder feet first.

Yes, this is my fault for not logging myself out before leaving the office, Yes, I do know that you don’t do know to log me out and then sign because you are “too old” to manage to remember your flipping password and why you shouldn’t just click on all the ads, and yes, I know that the internets are hard.

I’ve now set it so I automatically log out after 10 minutes of inactivity. You can still use it, but now YOUR employee number will show who clicked on all the ads. If you ever, EVER slop butter on my keyboard again, I will kick you off forever. I can and will lock you out and you will have to go to the public library to do whatever it is you do online. I know you are a old guy who is just managing to survive, but I’m not obligated to let you online at all. I’m being nice and you are taking advantage of me.

That moldy coffee cup I found? I threw it in the trash. Do not take the salt and pepper out of the break room and make me go looking for it. When I complained about that, you saying that you would just have to buy your own won’t make me feel bad. I’m also not sorry that I stopped bringing coffee in. It was a perk that came from my personal funds, not the County’s. Yes, the brewed coffee I brought from home smells great. I know you want some. I know you think I’m mean that when I brew some of my rather expensive coffee at work, that I only brew enough for a mug for me. You have been working here for over 4 years and have brought coffee in twice.

I know you are “po”. I know you are living in a camp trailor. I also know that you go the the casino every night. I also know that you have a pocket full of lottery tickets.

I also know that I can do more shredding in 2 hours than you do in 6. If/when the hiring freeze is over, I’m so going to fire your butt and get someone who is willing to try to do the things that people who work together do.

WOW! That felt GOOD!!!

[Rebo]

@flatlined

The good thing about shredder guy is that he cleans out the work fridge every Friday. He eats/takes everything that is left over. He used to just eat anything that was left from yesterday (like the stuff that I’d keep around for snacking for ME) He’s “po” and can’t afford to buy snacks, afterall. It took a lot of yelling, but now he waits until Friday. This is prolly my fault. Back when I had other people working for me, some food would go bad and I said that anything left on Friday would get tossed.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

We are out of coffee at work. We are also out of salt. I bring my fancy pants coffee from home and I don’t use salt on my already over salted frozen lunches. I’m not going to replace either of those. Shredder guy can just whine, he’s the only other person there.

Serious work rant now. I am not allowed to leave the warehouse unattended, but shredder guy can’t do such things as write down messages. Don’t answer the phone, you idiot, just let it go to voicemail. It really makes me want to do the headdesk thing when shredder guy tells me that someone called and he doesn’t remember who it was or what department. STOP anwering the phone!!!

Now I have to stay at my desk for lunch. Getting out of the warehouse for half an hour was the only thing that has kept me from killing shredder guy.

When you folks read about someone getting shoved into an industrial shredder feet first, please don’t tell them about this post.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

My shredder guy outdid himself today. All he had for lunch was 1 bread and margarine sandwich, so he was digging in the fridge for leftover food. (which he had cleaned out on Friday)

I’m a kind person. I really am. But the begging for food came after he told me about spending most of the weekend at the casino and then gas station shock when he had to fill his full sized pick up with gas. No food for him.

The HR department is going to change the rules about PTO. We are no longer allowed to roll over more than 80 hours per year. We are not allowed to sell it back. Its now changed to a use it or lose it situation. I’d love to use it, but we are so shortstaffed that its a major deal for me to take a whole day off. In October, I’m going to lose about 5 weeks of PTO.

Does anyone know a way to fake a fever and get sent home because I’ve got swine flu? I could use a week off to lay around and catch up with my reading.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

I’m in Arizona. I don’t work for a private company, I work for the government. They seem to be able to make their own rules. When I complained about not being able to leave for lunch because shredder guy couldn’t be trusted to take messages or just let them go to voice mail, I was told that they didn’t even have to let me have a lunch break and was reminded that this is a “right to work” state.

How the PTO thing was explained is that we have been given time to get our PTO down acceptable levels and that this will save them at least 180,000 a year.

That announcement came out on Friday. Today, we couldn’t use our computers because we were under cyberattack. This was big. The entire county was pretty much shut down. Nobody could do anything. Courts were shut down, nobody could pay fines, nobody could pay taxes, nobody could get building permits.

Coincidence?

I stopped at the library on the way home tonight. I ran out of things to do today, and spent the afternoon bored out of my mind. Tomorrow, I’ve got a couple of good books to read.

[Darth_Panda]

Is this the guy?

[Rebo]

@flatlined

You are totally right. I wouldn’t be upset if I had been assigned a dish a week ago. I’d even use her recipe. Potlucks are good, I’ve had some amazing food at them, but communal meals are good too. I’ve always enjoyed them. Its the “that sounds great” emails she sends after we make our suggestions and the last minute changes that tick me off.

@Lynn_Bodoni

What she needs to do is to write up a menu, and ask people to sign up for one or two items each. In the case of main dishes, perhaps two or even three people could sign up. Or she can assign dishes to start out with. But what she’s doing is not even close to a potluck. She’s organizing a communal meal, which can be a better meal than a potluck…but she needs to understand what potluck means. It means that Shredder Guy digs into the office fridge, steals someone’s leftovers, and presents them as his contribution. Or he brings in a box of Shredded Wheat crackers. And then he proceeds to make a pig of himself.

@flatlined

Do you work with me :dubious: Shredder Guy always says he will bring the paper plates, plastic forks, etc. He used to get them out of the our break room, but I haven’t restocked since the last potluck, so he showed up with the chipped dishes and bent forks that every work place has. When I mentioned that I expected him to wash them, he went to a different department and got their paper and plastic. After he was done pigging out, he offered to clean up. Which meant he took one of the cakes to the department he had gotten the paper and plastic from.

[Rebo]

@Lynn_Bodoni

You have posted about Shredder Guy before. And I know the species, having worked with him or his relatives in the past.

Shredder Guy (and his soulmates) are the reason why Organized Coworker tries to assign dishes. It’s a pity that he can’t be excluded from every communal get together.

@flatlined

Sadly, they know that most people are nice and will not challange them. There is at least one at every job. I used to blow him off and just replenish the supplies, but now that its just him and me, its a constant annoyance. Today, I reached for a tissue and the box was empty. Ticked me off. Again. He used the last ones and couldn’t be bothered to toss the empty box away and leave me a note or tell me that I needed to bring more in.

[Agent_Foxtrot]

I don’t suppose the shredder guy’s name is Ron, is it? Do you think he tells his SO’s family that he’s practically the assistant manager in your office?

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Anti rant. Lots of laughing while posting.

I like hard boiled eggs. I boil them on Sunday and use a sharpy to write FLATLINED on a baggy and bring 5 in on Monday and eat one a day. I’ve been noticing that “someone” has been helping themselves to them when I run out on Thursday or Friday.

On Sunday, I carefully poked holes in the shells and skins and boiled the eggs with about 2 cups of salt in the water. When I opened one, and carefully tasted it, it was so gross that I had to go brush my teeth. I almost puked from small nibble.

I guess SG was in such a hurry to snarf down his stolen food that he didn’t stop to smell or taste it. After he was done puking, he spent much of the day stinking up the toilet.

Tomorrow, I will pull one of the good eggs I boiled out from my lunch bag and eat it in front of him.

Yes, I’m evil.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Considering how he has been complaining about no salt in the break area, I would have expected him to totally lurve the extra salt.

He came to work to today and spent the entire day fucking off. Except for the time he had to talk to me about someone’s sex life. I’m documenting it. I don’t care about who sleeps with who, I don’t care that so and so is living with someone the same sex. As long as they do their part of the job, I just don’t care. And honestly, just because a couple of guys rent an apartment together doesn’t mean that they are sharing a bed. Or girls. Or a girl and guy.

IMO, this is sexual harrassment. In the past, I would just tell him to go away. I’m so tired of him that now I’m going to get his ass fired and do his work.

I have to document it, because the PTB think I should understand the he’s old and po and needs this job. I used to be sympathic, but over the years, I’ve learned that he is just deadweight that needs to go away.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Lynn, from what the sexual harrasment classes we have to take every year tells me that he can’t do this. You are right that I don’t think its sexual harrassment, it does upset me that I’m sure that he is telling people about his thoughts about my currently extinct sex life is much better than is what is happening.

I keep my mouth shut. My personal life is personal (except for here, and even here, I don’t tell people what is really going on).

Document, document, document. SG is going down.

Hopefully he will stop stealing food after this, but I know he won’t be able to stop gossiping.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Oh gawd, I hates those team building things with a burning rage. They are such a waste of time, everyone hates them and Management gets to think they are doing something positive.

My work rant of the day. I have a small tattoo on my inner arm. I never thought that a flag colored eagle would be offensive to anyone. I work in a warehouse, I rarely see a taxpayer. Today, on casual Friday, I wore a red T-shirt to work. (red shirts to support the troops, most of the county has bought into it and mine is a nifty USMC support one) Shredder guy called my boss to say that he thought it was inappropriate that I was showing my ink.

So now, we don’t get casual Friday work garb anymore. Shredder guy has pissed off the only other person who brings coffee in, because J loved to wear shorts on Friday, but he has a small tattoo on his calf. J now has his coffee locked in his desk and guess who will get to listen to SG whine about no coffee on Monday?

[Rebo]

@flatlined

He’s old and po. He was given this job through the “good old boy” network and I’m the only one who has to put up with him on a daily basis. J only works in the warehouse 2 days a week. Long and boring talk about scheduling here.

I haven’t talked to HR about SG yet, but its well known that SG is living in a camp trailor because of his bad money management skills.

I’m thinking that this snit happened because SG came to talk to me about someone’s sex life, started by telling me “I know you don’t want to know this, but this is something you need to know.”

Instead of my usual response “If you think its something I don’t want to know, that means I don’t want to know it” and walking away, I sat at my computer and pulled up my notebook.

I didn’t send his monolog to HR, I need more documantion to keep it from a “He said, She said” thing, but I did send it to the person in question. Her outraged responses are in the same folder as well.

I think her outrage at him was what caused him to complain to my boss about my short sleeves. SG won’t stop talking and I will continue documenting everything.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Dear boss

I am on vacation, which was planned a month ago when I got put in a use it or lose it situation by HR. You approved my vacation, you knew when I was leaving and when I am supposed to be back. I’m 2 states and 2 time zones away now. I can’t access the inventory program.

You knew my plans. I left my desk clean and gave you lists of boxes that needed to be picked up or pulled. Why oh why did you start calling me at what is now 6 am my time to ask about things? Why did you keep leaving frantic messages every 20 minutes, getting more hysterical with each one. They are boxes full of paper. Nobody is going to die if they don’t get moved on a timely basis. I took the time to write the time and dates for each pull/pick up list on the top in red ink.

Is it just because you are finally dealing with SG face to face? I know you aren’t as stupid as your calls make you out to be. I’m sorry you were offended that I took it to email. I AM ON VACATION and I don’t feel obligated to carry my cell now.

PS Tell SG that my frozen lunches won’t spoil during the next 2 weeks. They are frozen!

[Rebo]

@flatlined

Phone has to be on because of cat stuff, but I can look at the caller ID and choose which calls to take. All work numbers go to voice mail. I don’t care about the food, I do mind that SG guy is such a fuck up that he is trying to find an excuseto steal my frozen dinners because he “thinks” they will spoil in 2 weeks.

[Rebo]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Well, her boss has probably been having to deal with Shredder Guy, and apparently dealling with SG can really do a number on your head.

@flatlined

Right on one! This is the first time in over 5 years that she has had to think about the warehouse. I’ve never been gone for longer than 3 days in the past and there were other people who worked there as well. Now its just me and SG, so this meant she actually had to spend time there.

Apparently, she has learned that my job is slightly more involved than she thought, a little more labor intensive than she thought and that SG is a real piece of work.

I thought by her phone calls that she wanted to change my schedule to have me coming in at 7:30 permanently. That was a mistake on my part, she just wanted me in early today so we could talk about SG and what to do about him. Which is really nothing.

He’s been telling stories out of turn, and she was actually believing him. We have an electronic time clock, I don’t have the “power” to change my time punches, but SG told boss that I routinely come in at least half an hour late. Once I pointed out that she is the only one who can change my time punches, I could see by the look on her face that she suddenly realized how stupid it was to threaten me about that.

She also told me that she doesn’t think she’ll be able to “let” me have the time off for the surgery in October. I asked her to put that in writing, which didn’t go over very well with her.

Sorry, boss. My doctor is upset that I’m waiting that long to do it, I’m scheduling it around my work flow already. I work to live, I don’t live to work and this job is definatly not worth living in pain for the rest of my life. Houston is looking better and better.

BTW, I wouldn’t have to shove SG down the shredder…all I’d have to do is hint that I was hiding food in the hopper and SG would happily dive in head first.

[Rebo]

@flatlined

I really, REALLY like how you think

My anti-rant…or how SG dropped a box on his own foot:

1. He told my boss that I always let him take a 15-20 minute break every hour because he’s old.

2. He said the spare change in my desk drawer was shared because he is po (and said she should put some there because he used it for sodas).

3. Said that Opal doesn’t exist.

4. Said that I had told him that boss would buy coffee and snacks while I was gone.

5. Somehow, the pick-up and pull lists disappeared, so she didn’t know what needed to be done. Of course, this meant SG was able to sit around and check sports scores on the computer.

6. Ate her lunch, and when confronted said he thought it was food I had left and he didn’t want it to go bad and stink up the fridge.

7. Spent 3 hours picking up 40 boxes from a site 2 miles away, and then boss learned it was because he was in their break room, noshing on potluck food everyone had brought in for lunch. They were not happy about it. They are nice people and had he done it after the potluck, they wouldn’t have minded nearly as much.

8. Managed to put more miles on the delivery van in 2 weeks than usually happens in 4 months.

9. Never once cleaned the coffee pot, and left his half filled coffee cups all over the place. When boss confronted him about that, and the used cultery in the sink, he actually said he never washed dishes because that was women’s work. Now I’m wishing I had answered her calls and emails, just so I could have laughed about SG’s idiocy.

In other words, my boss is trying to find a way to get the other departments to send people over to do their own shredding and will happily watch the carnage when I put some mexican food in the hopper and SG dives in to get it. She will probably help me shove him in feet first if that’s what it takes!

(I’m not sure how many frozen lunches I left. I think I had 4 and there was only 1 when I got back, but I didn’t count them or take pics, so he gets a pass on that.)

[Springtime_for_Spacers]

[quote=“Dolores_Reborn, post:1, topic:585014”]

It was suggested (by me!) that we should have a spinoff from the Workplace Griping thread.

flatlined entertained us with many stories of her illustrious coworker, Shredder Guy. I have compiled her posts here.

Please feel free to add your own “Adventures with Shredder Guy“ stories.
Thanks for starting this.

[Rebo]

@Lynn Bodoni

The only way that this could possibly be better is if he bummed money from her to gamble with.

@flatlined

How did you know? Boss lady said she lent him gas money just before payday and I’m quite sure he spent it on lotto tickets.

@Morgyn

Too bad you didn’t send them to boss lady in an e-mail, saying you’d left them in hard copy for SG to make use of. Then boss lady could have printed them out for him Every Day. And asked him how he kept losing them.

@flatlined

I wish I had thought to do that. I’ll do it when I am out for surgery. I’m quite sure that you are right about where the van was going. I’m going to ask one of the fleet guys for a sticker that says that the van now has GPS tracking. I don’t think I’ll actually get GPS tracking for my short use, but the sticker on the window might scare him.

@purplehorseshoe

OMG, flatlined. I’m dying over here. I’m sorry you have to put up with this idiot, truly, but your karmic return can be knowing that you’ve provided at least one random intertubes stranger with some amusement. Did he actually use the words “women’s work” and if so, is he 108 years old?

@flatlined

I used to go home and drink heavily after trying to deal with him, but now I just laugh. I’m not sure that he used those words, its what boss lady said. I do know that it wouldn’t surprise me. When I confronted him about the dirty dishes in the sink, he told me that he always leaves them for his wife. I told him that meant that he after he clocked out, he would need to go get his wife to wash his dishes and then I started putting all the dirty stuff on his keyboard and told him that he couldn’t clock in until he cleaned up his mess. SG doesn’t like me much anymore.

@Lacunae Matata

flatlined, until last week, I’d have thought you were seriously exaggerating the SG drama - I mean, no one could be that bad at a job, and so obnoxious, right? And then I met my new trainee…(snipped) She’s a hover-er. Pissed all over the seat of the employee john.

That was when it was time for her to clock out and go home. I’ll commute if we can’t train someone, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna work with a potty sprinkler! .

@flatlined

Wow! Just Wow. You have my total sympathy!

The thing about SG is that he is very charming. He knows how to work the system and uses his age. He’s just a po old southern boy who thought that everyone was happy to share food and help out when someone is down and out, because that’s how he was raised.

I fell for it for over a year, then I started paying attention.