Worse neighbor: Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, or Stan Smith?

Cafe Society
1

So after months of looking for work, you find yourself in a job interview with an exec who absolutely loves you and at a company you’ve always dreamed of working. They offer you the chance to set your own hours and a ton of benefits. Asked to suggest a salary, you give a figure twice what you made at your best job, but they shake their head sadly and say that, since you’ve asked for 50% less than that their minimum for the job, they must bump you up accordingly. Also, the quarterly office party includes all the hookers & blow you wish–none or tons, it’s up to you.

But the job requires you to relocate either to Springfield, state unknown; Quahog, RI, or Langley, Va. They need you to start in a hurry, so they’ve already lined up a house for you in each city and will pay for it. In Springfield you’ll be living next to Homer and his brood; In Quahog, Peter Griffin & Company; and in Langeley, the Smiths & their resident alien. You’ll have to stay in whichever house for 6 months?

Do you tell the employer to stuff themselves? Or do you take one of the jobs? Which one?

2

Quahog. I don’t socialize with my neighbors much. Peter is less likely than Homer to actively involve a stranger in his dangerously insane schemes, and Stan would be the most likely to start spying on an introverted neighbor. Plus Lois is the hottest wife of the three.

3

Langely.
Homer is a moocher, a public drunkard, and has a son who isn’t a kid I want my daughter around.
Peter Griffin regularly gets people killed and has murdered people himself. Living next to Peter would also mean living near Glenn Quagmire, a rapist and sexual predator.

4

Springfield all the way, at least that would be amusing. Besides, I don’t think the Simpsons have blown up the house to the right of them even once, so that’s a definite plus.

5

Springfield. As someone upthread has mentioned, Homer’s dumb and Bart’s a brat, but Peter’s dangerously oblivious and Quagmire lives across the street. Not Langley, for sure…Stan would put a silenced bullet through your head for trimming your hedges too close to his property line.

6

Wasn’t there an episode that established that Stan had never actually killed anybody?

7

Worst neighbor for your average Doper? Dale Gribble.

8

D’oh! I forgot about that.

9

Boy howdy.

10

Don’t you mean “Rusty Shackleford?”

11

…and let’s not forget that Stewie is also a murderer. Just up the street is Mr. Herbert, the pedophile. Death, himself, is a visitor to the area.

12

Quahog. I’ve never seen American Dad, so I’m just choosing between Peter and Homer. Going with that:

(a) Peter, for all his faults, doesn’t seem to steal from his neighbours as casually as Homer.

(b) Lois is more likely to go for some extra-marital afternoon delight than Marge.

© There must be some easy pickin’s among Quagmire’s morning after throw-a-ways.

13

Evergreen Terrace here I come. Provided of course that I’d be moving into the Flanders’s place. Stupid Flanders.

14

I think Homer’s the only one of the three I’d actually like, but he’s little better than Peter, with respect to doing damage to those around him when he gets a crazy scheme. I wouldn’t want to deal with Bart, I doubt Marge and I would have anything better than a cordial relationship, leaving Lisa the only one who’s both likable and not dangerous, but I’d probably be arrested if I tried to strike up a conversation about music, literature, or cartoons with her. And Maggie’s a baby. So 2 family members I’d actively not want to leave near, 3 I’d not actively want to, so Springfield’s out.

Plus there’d be the Flanderses on the other side, and they’d drive me nuts.

Peter’s less likable than Homer, and his craziness tend to have more collateral damage (‘I really need to stop bathing during Peter’s shenanigans’, and all that). Lois, I think I’d actively dislike…the kids’d probably be tolerable, until Stewie blew up my garage…Brian…depending how much he’s had to drink could range from almost as dangerous as Peter, to obnoxiously sanctimonious, so I couldn’t deal with him.

Then there are the other neighbours…Cleveland seems like he’d be OK, in general, but Joe’s a rowdy bastard, who draws his gun WAY too easily (probably compensating for being ‘dead from the waist down’, as Peter put it) and Quagmire…is Quagmire.

Quahog’s out.

Stan, I wouldn’t like, but I could be cordial. Would have to make a quick exit when he started talking politics, but that’s not a big thing. Francine, I’d be friendly, if not friends. Steve and Haley I would actually like (mostly…both of them can be annoying, but not enough to be truly unlikable). Klaus is a fish, so I’d never have to deal with him. Roger’s a wildcard, but his crazy schemes rarely get bystanders involved, so that puts him above Homer and Peter right there.

I would also like the newspartners, and at least manage to be pleasant with the Russian dude.

So, Langley it is.

15

Him too. :slight_smile:

16

I deliberately left King of the Hill out of it, as Arlen seems to be so easily the best option. Hank’s bound to be a good neighbor–hell, you can probably get him to mow your lawn if you play your cards right–and Dale’s easy to manage, as he scares easy.

17

Send me to Langley.

That’d be the perfect impetus for me to buy my long-desired T-shirt that says;

“Not an Agent of a Secret Government Organization”

Stan would be certain to leave me alone, or buddy up to me, upon seeing that.

18

Springfield. I’d be too afraid Stan would kill me himself or that Peter would try to launch a shuttle from his yard again.

Most of the Simpsons antics could me handled or ignored. Flanders had problems because he’s a pushover

19

I actually think I could get along best with the Simpsons, and would enjoy having them as neighbors best. Give Homer an occasional donut and/or Duff, and he’s your friend for life. Compliment Marge on her kids, and ditto. Hey, maybe I could get a peek at the Olmec war-god sculpture in their basement! Lisa and I would get along very well. I think I could reach an understanding with Bart, although I might have to bribe him. Maggie is just a cute little kid (I’d especially look forward to seeing her in the winter, when she wears her adorable star snowsuit). If Flanders bothered me, I’d just tell him very firmly and seriously that it would be better if he didn’t come by again. I think he’d get the message.

Peter and Stan are both too dangerous - for very different reasons - to have next door. No thanks.

20

I don’t get the Flanders hate. He, too, is easy to manage. If you want to keep him completely away, imply that you’re an atheist or a B’hai. If you want access to his basement bar, keep mum about your faith and be polite; he’s always polite in return.

The only people who don’t like Flanders are Homer, because Homer’s deliberately an asshole to him because he feels inferior, and Reverend Lovejoy, who’s only annoyed at Ned’s religious neediness. Unless you’re taking over the First Church of Springfield, Ned will never bother you.