Okay, you’re stranded on a desert island. You’ve used all the pages from your three favorite books at toilet paper. Your three favorite CD’s are strategically mounted on palm trees to signal distant passing ships. And your three favorite movies are… well… hey you’re on a deserted island afterall–there just ain’t no VCR. The only thing you have to to keep you from going horribly insane are your three favorite quotes from the Simpsons.
No whole episodes here, I’m looking for something no lengthier than relatively short interplay between two or more characters or a simple one-liner.
For example, here are my three contenders, in no particular order.
Ned Flanders: “I need to know is God punishing me?”
Reverend Lovejoy: “Oh, short answer ‘yes’ with an ‘if.’ Long answer, ‘no’ with a ‘but.’”
CBG: “Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote unquote, Ultimate Belt.”
Storekeeper: “I see, do you have a receipt, quote unquote, sir?”
CBG: “I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt.”
Storekeeper: “Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.”
CBG: “Hey, I… Huh… Tha… Oh…”
Storekeeper: “Gee, I hate to let you down Casanova, but uh, no receipt, no return.”
Bart: “I’ll give you four bucks for it.”
CBG: “Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.”
Homer: Beer, the cause of -and solution to- all of life’s problems.
Homer: That can’t possibly be true. If it were I’d be terrified.
Jesse the radical: I’m a 5th level vegan. I don’t eat anything that casts shadows.
And I’m sure a new favorite will emerge from the April 7th episode starring Phish. Can’t wait!
Homer: What’s with the attitude? I just want some dealies!
Marge: Homer, why are you frosting our throw pillow?
Homer: Well, I could ask you the very same question!!
Marge: Should I just back out of the room?
Homer: Would you?
Homer: Don’t discourage the boy, Marge! Weaseling out of stuff is important to learn! It’s what sets us apart from the animals! Well, except for the weasel.
Homer: What’s with the attitude? I just want some dealies!
Marge: Homer, why are you frosting our throw pillow?
Homer: Well, I could ask you the very same question!!
Marge: Should I just back out of the room?
Homer: Would you?
Homer: Don’t discourage the boy, Marge! Weaseling out of stuff is important to learn! It’s what sets us apart from the animals! Well, except for the weasel.
And holy sweet Jesus - there are only three posts in this thread and two of them are made by people named Colin! Woohoo! We’re taking over the world!!!
Colin, you’ll find taking over the world is not so easy as keeping control. Just wait until internal dissension fractures the coalition, as the “Collins” take arms against the “Colons” – who, though small in number, have a hell of a strategist to lead them.
Comic book guy: You must be the creator of Hi and Lois, because you are making me laugh.
Rod(or Tod): I got him, I got him!
Bart: No, you just winged him. You turned him into a Unitarian.
After Lisa tries to stop family and Homers gang from eating the roasted pig, everyone starts taunting Lisa…heard in the background is Barney: Go back to Russia!
p.s. sorry about the double post. The server stopped responding and I couldn’t tell if the first one ever went through (I got that “Page Not Found” thing).
Insurance Guy: And this place Moe’s you were at, it’s a business of some sort?
Homer’s Brain: Don’t tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night?
Homer: It’s a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer’s Brain: Hehe, I would have never thought of that.
Shelbyville Kid: I wish a Springfield kid was here right now…I’d fill his mouth full of stinkbugs!
Bart: No, not in my mouth!..is what the kid would say, to the bluffs!
Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don’t mind if I do!
Moe: I’ve got what you’d call an enemies list
Barney: Jack Anderson, Daniel Schorr, Jane Fonda…Hey, this is just Richard Nixon’s enemies list with his name crossed out and yours put in its place
Moe: Give me that [writing] Barney…Gumble
Barney: Aw
Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn’t win your case, here’s your pizza
Marge: But we did win
Lionel Hutz: That’s OK, it’s an empty box
Mr Burns: OK, what should we Republicans do now?
Ralph Nader: Ooh, ooh, I know!
Mr Burns: You’ve already done your job, Nader
Billy Corgan: “Hey cannonball, I like your style. When life takes a cheap shot at you you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.”
Homer: “Homer Simpsons- smiling politely. You know, my kids love your music. And thanks to your bleak songs, they’ve finally stopped dreaming of a future I can’t possibly hope to provide.”
Billy: “Well, we try to make a distance.”
From “Brother From Another Series”
Bob: “You’ve wanted to be Bob’s assistant since you were five! Remember, the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.”
Cecil: “I’ll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way. Besides, it freed me to my true calling.”
Bob: “Cecil, no civilization in history has referred to chief hydrological engineer as a ‘calling.’”
Cecil: “Ahem.”
Bob: “Oh yes, the Capodocians, all right.”
From “The Springfield Files”
Burns: “So Smithers, another weekend is upon us. What have you got planned. Something GAY, no doubt?”
Smithers: “Wh- what?”
Burns: “You know. Gay, light-hearted. Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town.”
Smithers: <laughing in relief> “Absolutley, sir.”
And I STILL think I’ve missed some great ones. But all the same, those ones are good. I love guest stars, can you tell?
In no particular order (and specifically leaving out quotes already posted on this thread, some of which were among my first choices):
Grandpa: “The metric system is the tool of the devil. My car gets forty rods to the hogshead, and that’s the way i likes it.”
Bart: “I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”
Ralph: “The doctor said i wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if i kept my finger outta there.”
(i know three was the number; sue me)
CBG (to Homer, who has got the job of playing Poochie in the revamped Itchy and Scratchy): “Please make one out to me, and three to my friend of the same name.”
Homer (watching TV and eating dinner): “Oh, where’s Bart?. His dinner’s getting all cold and eaten.”
Burns: Imagine it, Smithers: electrical lights and heaters running all day long!
Smithers: But Sir! Every plant and tree will die, owls will deafen us with incessant hooting…
When Cecil tries to blow up the dam that Bart and Sideshow Bob are hanging from:
Cecil: And now, to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you’ll be nowhere near them.
(sneaks another in)
Jasper: …Staring at my sandals…that’s a paddling…
Lisa: “You remember the story of Oedipus Rex, right?”
Homer: “Well, maybe 20 bucks would help me remember.”
Latter on, during Homer’s dream:
Bart: “He thought that trip to the Guillotine factory was just for fun. He never guessed that it would be the perfect opportunity to have him shot.”
From the episode where Sideshow Bob frames Krusty:
Lisa: “Dad, don’t you realize that you’re just giving in to mob mentality?”
Homer: “No I’m not, I’m getting on the bandwagon.”
