Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Driver: Because of the body in the trunk?
She: Should we get married?
He: What’s your name again?
Your turn.
Circa 1988
Man: So, he liked my photo and wants to have me over for dinner—what’s his name?
Friend: Jeffrey; said you looked good enough to eat.
May 6,’37
Man 1: Gotta light?
Man 2: Sure
Woman: Does this make my butt look fat?
Man: (doesn’t actually matter what you say)
Driver: No Oserfer, I wasn’t drinking.
Younger sister (standing next to her older sister): Who do you think is older?
Sincere unsuspecting idiot thinking it’s a trick question: Okay… You…?
Female student from Corsica: Hi, I’m from Corsica.
Lightheaded space traveler: Urr I’m blanking out. Where is Corsica again?
Unhappy Brat to Parent: Why did you have me, anyway?
Parent: Because we didn’t know it was going to be you.
============
Same Brat to Same Parent: I didn’t ask to be born!
Parent: And if you had, the answer would have been “No.”
============
First one is from Johnny Carson. Second one might be.
.
And speaking of Carson:
I have this second or third hand and it could well be an urban legend, but supposedly there was a college kid driving to Florida from NY for Spring Break (in a car with New York plates) who got pulled over by a state trooper outside Savannah…
**Trooper: **Do you know why I pulled you over?
**Student: **Um… No?
Trooper: Son, nobody goes through the state of Georgia that fast.
**Student: **Not even General Sherman?
Apparently, he lost a few days of his spring break in a detention block at the station house.
See, education CAN hurt.
Where can I get answers for all these questions?
Yahoo!
The current Something Positive has a punch line along those lines. http://www.somethingpositive.net/
If I remember, I’ll post a numbered link once it updates off the home page.
Not a worst answer but a worst comment: My brother in law was speeding through Nebraska. Earlier he and my sister had bought a piece of Indian pottery in New Mexico and they had put it in the trunk. A state trooper pulled them over for the speeding, then got suspicious and asked if he could search the car. They said yes and he, while looking through the trunk, found the piece of pottery.
My sister yelled “He found our pot!”
Fortunately he didn’t hear her.
I was telling one of my friends about this new woman I’d met. I said “She has a certain je ne sais quoi about her.” He asked me what that meant. I told him “I don’t know.”
Just in case anyone not getting these:
You don’t ever (NEVER EVER EVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!) answer questions like this; you just pretend you didn’t hear it and change the subject to something benign like weather.
You never EVAR say, regardless of whatever your excuse might be at the time, say you don’t know where Corsica is to a Corsican.
The scene:
South Carolina.
Four college guys driving in a car with Tennessee plates.
Driver has a Florida license plate.
Cop pulls the car over.
Asks for license and registration…then says “You boys on a road trip?”
True story. No…I wasn’t the driver…but I was in the car.
-D/a
(vague acquaintance met in passing on the street)-“Hi there, how are you?”
(you)-“Well, I’ve been really depressed lately and I’ve been dumped twice. Life sucks and my mom has cancer.”
“I do.”
How could this not be the winner???
At a guess, “Florida license plate” should ready just “Florida license.”
Still not sure why that makes “are you on a road trip?” a dumb question: I can think of lots of non-road-trip reasons why you might have a driver and a car with out-of-state credentials.
But the thread title says “Worst answers” and Digital didn’t give the answer.