I was up late this weekend, being a holiday and all, so I caught a movie that I had heard of, but never seen…
Myra Breckinridge
Rachel Welch, Rex Reed (!), a badly-embalmed Mae West, cameos by Farrah Fawcett and young Tom Selleck (who didn’t actually look too young, come to think of it…)
Wow. Certainly in my top five worst.
Swirly Thing alert!!
Yes, we’ve already done this many times…and every time we do it, I’m gonna nominate Heat as the most godawful piece of crap I’ve ever seen, when I was expecting something serviceable. One doesn’t rent Plan 9 expecting it’ll be a great film.
The title of “worst movie ever” is kinda hard to pin on one film; the worst movie ever wouldn’t just be inept, like Plan 9, it’d be mind-meltingly boring as well. At least you can laugh at Ed Wood’s films.
I have two that come to mind.The Omega Code -waste of time and money. Something from circa 1980 called They All Laughed. Ben Gazarra was in it. Believe me, no one did.
Sorry, but you people are wimps. Well, most of you, anyway, who focused on movies released in the last five or ten years. I gotta agree with occ, if those are your worst movies, you ain’t seen that many. On this list, Nothing But Trouble comes closest for me. (Good call, TMR.) Still, even among recent flicks, there are lots worse: Did you see Jean-Claude Van Damme in Knockoff? Hideous.
But worse than all of those, going back a few years: Try Clan of the Cave Bear. Totally unwatchable. Probably the only movie I had to actively force myself to sit through. Yes, I’m a movie geek – I never stop halfway through. I’ve never walked out on a movie in the cinema, and I always make it to the end on video, even if I have to start and stop a couple of times (e.g. Showgirls). But with Clan of the Cave Bear, I watched some, and was actively ill. I stopped and waited a few days. Then I came back and watched some more (I had taped it off cable). I ended up having to wedge myself under the coffeetable to prevent myself from fleeing the room at a dead sprint, and only then was I able to get to the end of the movie.
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Easy…hands down…
“CHUD”
Rich “G7SUBS”
Another one that absolutely sucked donkey b*lls:
Meet Joe Black
“Pacific Heights”
And let’s not forget “Showgirls.”
On second thought . . .
Wimps, are we? WIMPS? Son, I sat through Glen Or Glenda?. I cringed my way through exploitation movies from The Hot Box through The Big Bird Cage. I felt embarrassed just to be watching Megaforce.
Yet nothing I’ve seen has made me feel as helpless and miserable as Heat.
I admit, though, that my education is not complete until I’ve seen * Let My Puppets Come *, which is supposed to be the absolute pinnacle of all that is wrong on film, as measured by Oh, The Humanity!.
Hope that double-UBB code works; if it doesn’t, work it out.
This was not the worst movie I have ever seen but, damn!–it sure comes close!
Those who are dancing look insane to those who cannot hear the music.
One-of-a-kind, custom-designed Wally sig available on request.
Okay, truly, truly BAD movies…not just ones I disliked:
I second A Walk in the Clouds. YAR!
Vibes with Cyndi Lauper as a clairvoyant.
Alien3 I love (and own) the first two, but this thing was truly one of the worst made films I have ever seen. I only managed about 30 minutes of it when it was televised on a network. Bad editing, bad writing, bad acting, bad sets, just BAD.
Time Bandits Too bad to be forgettable, unfortunately.
:::shuddering from dredging up these repressed memories:::
Teaching: The ultimate birth control method.
About 10 years ago I saw a movie in an arthouse cinema called ** Surf Nazis Must Die **. It rated a review by the leading movie critic in Australia because it was so bad. He was right, it truly was awful.
Knock softly but firmly, 'cause I like soft firm knockers…
The Jazz Singer with Neil Diamond. Can you imagine Laurence Olivier as an orthodox Jewish cantor with an Irish accent?
It’s a toss-up between A Boy and His Dog starring Don Johnson and Tiger from the Brady Bunch and The Road to Wellville.
Well, I know this has been dissed, er, that is, discussed before, but these are mostly just bad movies, not the worst ever made. Problem is, the really bad ones no one ever sees, cause they are so bad, they have no shelf life in video stores.
But you have to admit such movies as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Plan 9 From Outer Space (if I am remembering the titles correctly) are just about as bad as it ever gets. Now, of course, they are cult favs of people at science fiction conventions, who gather to laugh at the stupidity of these movies. 
I think its a tie between Wolf starring Jack Nicholson, and The Modd Squad movie. Both sucked so bad I could barely stand watching them the whole way through. I just kept thinking, “They can’t get any worse,” but they did.
Also, Ruffian. Time Bandits? Are you kidding me. I loved that movie. I agree that it was a little weird, but it was so weird that it was good.
Mullinator… YES!! Nixon was horrible!! I rented it because I love Ed Harris and heard he was in it, but I swear I would give anything for those hours back! YUCK!
And whoever said Pacific Heights… that was awful, too! Melanie Griffith, though… I’m not sure what I expected.
EvilBeth, while it may not be THE worst I’ve ever seen, it would be in the top five worst for me. And it remains my standard for measuring bad movies. “Was it as annoying as Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes? Cause I can endure pretty much anything after that.”
Liv
Mullinator… YES!! Nixon was horrible!! I rented it because I love Ed Harris and heard he was in it, but I swear I would give anything for those hours back! YUCK!
And whoever said Pacific Heights… that was awful, too! Melanie Griffith, though… I’m not sure what I expected.
EvilBeth, while it may not be THE worst I’ve ever seen, it would be in the top five worst for me. And it remains my standard for measuring bad movies. “Was it as annoying as Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes? Cause I can endure pretty much anything after that.”
Liv
Without a doubt Ator, but Batman & Robin was a high entry on my worst movie list.
I’ll never get out of my head the awful shot of Arnold yelling:
Keel the Heerows!
“The Arrival” <Shudder> It took me days to forget that horror…I still wake up screaming.
“Good, bad, I’m the guy with the gun.”