Amen…although the succeeding ones gave that one a run for its money. THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONLY ONE!
Hands down otherwise which hasn’t been mentioned is a sleeper called Asteroid. However, there were SO many continuity problems and SO many impossibilities that we actually ended up laughing hysterically through it. Fortunately, we rented it. We’d’ve gotten thrown out of the theater, I’m sure.
Jurassic Park and ALL sequels. BLARG. Valley Girl. Don’t even ask.
Tom Cruise actually did do one movie that was worse than Cocktail – anyone else see Legend? <gagackbarf> Although Eyes Wide Shut is right down there, too. What was the friggin’ point of that movie, anyway??
I saw GWTW before I read the book. Ever after, the movie just didn’t compare. However, I don’t think it was intentionally racist. My vote’s for BOAN on that one.
Showgirls. Without question, the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. At least I can laugh at Manos, the Hands of Fate. This was just unrelenting garbage.
Dungeons and Dragons. As I’ve told friends, I’d happily pay to see Jeremy Irons recite his laundry list, but I didn’t think it was possible for a major motion picture to be this bad on purpose. (No, I haven’t seen Battlefield: Earth.) And I’m a gamer!
Bullwinkle and Rocky. Boring, boring, boring! The theater seats were comfortable so I just lay down, put my head in da spouse’s lap and fell asleep through the last half of it. I think I got the better deal.
Starship Troopers. Did it have to be that gory? Although seeing Doogie Howser decked out as a Nazi doctor was worth a bit of humor value.
By far the worst movie I’ve ever seen in a theater was 1492: Conquest of Paradise.
This thing was, like, five hours long. I admit, it featured beautiful cinematography, but apart from that it sucked really hard. It starred Gerard Depardieu as Christopher Columbus. I’ve blocked most of it out of my memory, but a few things stand out:
A Spanish guy tells Columbus that Spain has just defeated the Muslims and driven them out of Spain. He says something regretful, like, “Theirs is a great culture – we learned much from one another.”
Columbus’ enemy dies by falling (or perhaps being pushed, I don’t remember) off a cliff. The director went to a great deal of trouble to not only show the body as it hit the ground, but to have ribs and things visibly pop up out of the body upon impact.
There’s this awesome scene of Columbus on a New World island during a hurricane. He clings to some sort of structure, and the force of the wind lifts his body up off the ground, horizontally, exactly as once happened to Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island, except that this was not a comedy, and Gerard Depardieu looks a lot more chunky and less aerodynamic than the guy who played Gilligan.
If I think about it, I’ll probably think of more things I hated about that movie. But I really don’t want to think about it.
One of the perils of a: being several years older than my brother and b: easily conned into things by said brother, is that I’ve brought him to movies I would never in my life had gone to see myself. Some of them were almost ok, like ** Harriet the Spy, Mortal Combat 2, Species, and the last Star Wars movie. Some, like ** Good Will Hunting, Men In Black, Dante’s Peak and Titanic were pretty good.
However, ** A Night At The Roxbury** has got to be the dumbest movie I’ve ever spent money on. There was only one scene in the movie I liked at all- when Chris Catan is “loading” the plants into the van. SNL shouldn’t be allowed to make any more movie spinoffs.
Well, unless I missed it, no one has mentioned “Nothing But Trouble” It may not be the worst piece of celluloid crap to ever hit the screen, but it’s close.
Oh, man, those stinker movies! I’ve got several, and they’re all so bad I can’t decide which is the worst:
Frantic Roman Polanksi’s excuse to give his French girlfriend a paying job… PopeyePappy saying “haul ass”?? Popeye’s father? I don’t remember that from the cartoons. Shadow of the Vampire The only good line is the hungry vampire(Willem Dafoe) telling the director(John Malkovich - does he ever play anyone but himself)“We don’t need the scriptwriter”. Ha! I’m laughing just remembering that stupid movie.
And last but never least…
Total Recall - Arnold’s character trying to track down the leader of the underground movement to find out why the government messed up his mind with phony memories. The guide finally agrees to let Arnold meet him (great suspense, we’re all holding our breath) and the dude opens his shirt exposing a partially absorbed twin (EWWW!) hanging from his chest, and this grotesquery holds its deformed hands toward Arnold saying “Open your miiind, open your miind!” Ohmigod! While everyone else is oohing and aahing in the audience, my husband and I burst out laughing, and couldn’t stop. We had to leave the theater to catch our breath. I’m still laughing about this ludicrous scene. My kids think I’m nuts, but hey.
BTW, just caught Battlefield Earth on cable. Cheesy ‘b’ movie, but actually not terribly bad. Enjoyed Travolta’s character deducing the “man-animal’s” favorite food - rats! Stupidly funny.
You know, I can’t even remember that part - I think I was in a coma by that point. Or maybe it’s the same syndrome as when Steven Wright said “I drove across the country, with only the one cassette in the car. And I can’t remember what it was”.
I will say that I didn’t have the luxury of a remote control to add to my enjoyment (?!) of the movie, although if I did, the ‘Fast-Forward’ would have gotten more work than the ‘Rewind’.
Yeah, I’ve paid to see Showgirls and Spice World but those weren’t bad because we saw them in a college movie theater with most of the audience yelling at the screen. Although the one scene in Showgirls with Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkeley talking about how they liked to eat dog food…well at least the movie it had loads of labia majora.
But, the worst movie I’ve ever paid to see was about the third date with my wife-to-be. It was a Steve Martin-as-psychiatrist-with-Madeline-Kahn-as-whiny-patient vehicle named Mixed Nuts. We sprung out of the theater literally within 10 minutes after the opening credits. It. Was. Just. So. Goddamn. Bad. It was one of those traumatic experiences which cause bonding. I attribute the success of my relationship with my wife solely to that movie. Forget all of the mutual understanding, communication, and love – all it takes is a really bad movie (or even a fragment of one!) to get a relationship to work forever.
Everyone I’ve asked thought this was a good movie. By the end of it I was fighting to keep my hands from tearing out my eyeballs. This movie was so awful I felt like calling the studio and demanding my two hours back. It was cheese. A large pile of Velveeta. The fact it was based on a true story made it worse. The message was a good one. The Disneyland, sacchrine-laced, butt fuck you for your seven dollars acting was some of the worse I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing.
First of all, whoever mentioned Hudson Hawk in this thread should be drawn and quartered, I love that movie.
My vote goes to Josie and the Pussycats. what can I say, for some reason Rachael Leigh Cook does it for me, but this movie was a stylized piece of crap.
the scenario:
A group of Americans from my German class are hosting German exchange students.
There are 3 of us Americans here
5 Germans
not too bad yet huh?
Well everyone knows how almost every nasty and terrible thing comes from either germany or japan righT?
Well the germans love tom green! why? I have no idea.
They want to see Freddy Got fingered
NO . . .
ok ok its cool, we can get in for free
We get in for free, all eight of us, suprise! we are the only ones seeing this movie, fyi, its 9:00 on a friday night . .hmm . .does that tell me something
Movie starts, oh i can tell its going to be bad
It gets really bad . .the entire movie all us americans do is talk about how bad it is . .it was terrible, if i would have paid, i would have asked for my money back . .it was that bad, of course the germans loved it
But what about The Burglar (could be wrong on the title), the Denis Leary flick where he breaks into the rich family’s house on Christmas Eve or something like that? The people who wrote this movie are horrible monsters and deserve to die.
I CANNOT BELIEVE that none of you has mentioned "Dude, Where’s My Car?"
I paid $7.50 to see that, and to this day I believe I was raped in the pocket book.
Worst piece of crap I have ever paid for.
Plot was as follows:
Two losers wake up hungover.
Discover they have lost their car.
Go to a stip club to find out what happened.
Watch as strippers pour buckets of water on themselves, they are wearing white t-shirts BTW.
…Something…Transvestite, and a bag full of money.
5 Hot Chickssup[/sup] wearing skin tight black leather…
Something with aliens…
Giant Women…
PO’d girlfriends…
I dunno. It sucked badly. Do not ever see that movie, it will make you dumber, as I have evidenced here.
Ugh, tough call. It’s between Battlefield Earth and Dude, Where’s My Car?. See, I knew ‘Dude’ was going to be a stinker but went to see it anyway, only to be disappointed – which seemed almost impossible given my low expectations of the movie prior to watching it. I did not know about L. Ron writing the book that ‘Battlefield’ was based on, but that movie was just beyond sheer horror.
Nowadays, I refer to poorly made films as “Battlefield Earth”-bad.
Hmmm…That’s one of my favorite christmas movies, and I think it’s very funny. You thought Austin Powers was really funny, right? I’ve noticed that there are two types of comedy, action-comedy(which are usually sprinkled heavily with bathroom humor, too) and verbal-comedy, and it seems that many people prefer one and hate the other. I know I do…
Honestly, people. Why are so many people claiming to have “won.” There’s no winning – this isn’t a contest!
Besides, I have all your asses whipped: I saw Mr. Baseball, starring Tom Selleck as an aging American baseball plaer who gets traded to Japan. So stupid.