I believe that, somewhere about the 10 minute mark of part three, Metal Machine Music by Lou Reed sinks to a level of near unlistenability. I am unsure if it improves after that point.
Agadoo by Black Lace
Oh come on. Disco Duck was a parody. Macarthur Park and Seasons in the Sun are fairly decent. Now, if you want almost-unmentionable dreck, I need only say…
Havin’ my baby…
You people only think those songs are bad because you’ve never heard this one. That must be it 
The worst of all is Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) by Jay Z. I’m pretty sure that the shrill shrieking of the chorus causes brain aneurysms, that’s why I’ve vigilently limited my exposure to it.
I wonder if there are any songs that are truly and universally reviled, most of the songs I’ve recognised here are liked by at least 1 person I know.
I have to go with Ice Ice Baby and pretty much anything recorded by Britney Spears.
I think people generally think the worst song ever is something they don’t like but were forced to listen to. That being said, I’d have to say Ironic. Being a Alannis Morisette (sp?) fan was a big reason I divorced my ex wife.
On CBC last month there was a bit of a special on this company that cut records from poems people sent in back in the 70s. They advertised in the back of comic books and magazines. People would then in their “poems” or lyrics and some cash and the company would put it to music and make a record out of it.
All I will say is I haven’t laughed so hard in ages at some of these songs they played.
Example: Imagine a “song” made from a really bad generic disco background music and the vocalist being a stereotypical sounding lounge lizard:
*Disco, disco, discooo,
Want to make a cake with Crisco,
Let’s go paint a fresco,
Disco, disco disco…*
Or something like that. It was just bizzare.
For an actual commercially released song:
Actually, I think his Mr. Tambourine Man was even worse.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I can stop this thread right now with…
“Never Been to Me” by Charlene.
I don’t mind Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem), except that Jay-Z ruins it with substandard rapping. The hook and the beat is pretty good though.
My pick is Hotel California. The song that symbolised rock’s transition from “dangerous thing that was going to be the end of society” to “hey, old bald guys can listen to this stuff too!”
The song that created Classic Rawk radio.
One of the Bathroom Readers has a list of their “Worst 10” songs. One of those, though I’ve never heard it, is a real show-stopper. It’s called “Why?” and it’s sung by a children’s chorus and…Herve Villechaize! Yes, “De plane! De plane!” Singing! And he sings like he talks! Sample lyrics: “Why?! Do pipple hef to fight? Don’t dey know what de cheeldren know?”
You’ve gotta include Good Morning Starshine in this list.
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Aaaaaaararrrrrghghg
Swingin by John Anderson. Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so.
But it’s redeemed somewhat by the parody “Never Been to Meath” by Irish poultry celebrity and cowboy builder, Dustin the Turkey. My vote goes to Life by Des’ree…
…I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s the sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast…
…fer fuck’s sake.
And Loving You is a brilliant, but fundamentally mad, song. I love the implication that loving ugly people is hard.
First of all, no one here (myself included) knows the name of the worst song ever recorded, since the really bad ones never became hits.
Think about it: whatever you choose, there’s something infinitely worse that was recorded on a major label and quickly forgotten. I used to go through albums for my college radio station, and believe me, the dreck you’ve never heard of makes any of the songs previously listed sound like Beethoven.
And Something infinitely worse than that that was recorded by an “independent” artist and sold four copies.
“The Disco Ballad of Sweeney Todd”
My ex and I used to use it when parties ran too late: put that on the turntable, and people suddenly start looking for their coats.
Does anyone remember this thing they did a story on This American Life on PR at one point as couple of years ago? A couple of guys did a poll as to what elements of music people hated the most and composed works to fit the bad criteria exactly-- a song about Labor Day with a children’s choir, an opera singer doing some vibrato country western singing, and tubas and oboes or something?
“Patches”
'Nuff said.
-Rav
I’d say “Yellow” by Coldplay - unintentionally hilarious and lyrically deeply stupid when it thinks it’s meaningful.
Also:
“My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. Utterly cynical balladeering with all the warmth and passion of an icecube.
“Lucky” by Britney Spears. Boy is that dumb.
“Every Breath You Take” by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans. Not because it misunderstands Sting; who cares about that? Because it’s really really bad.
“Hey Mickey” by Lolly. Honestly, worse than the original.
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something. Luckily a one-hit-wonder. Unluckily, bizarre in just the wrong way, and far too chirpy.
All of Westlife’s identikit ballads.
I also second Jay Z’s version of “Hard Knock Life”. A classic example of taking one of the most annoying songs in history and turning it into a really poor rap track.
Well, Dave Barry’s “Bad Song Survey” named MacArthur Park, but he also noted with some regret that other songs, very deserving of the label “Worst Song Ever”, weren’t well-known enough to get more votes. Specifically, he cited “Hooty Sapperticker” by Barbara and the Boys.
I have this song. It’s atrocious.
But I’m torn between whether it or “I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek” by The Go-Gos (no, not those Go-Gos, this is some British group that predated the Belinda Carlisle group) is worse. There’s a link to the song at the bottom of this page: Stomp Tokyo’s review of Don’t Open Till Christmas.