Hey, my Dad gave me that album as a gift. He’s not very good at expressing his feelings, (He never told me he loved me until I was in my 20s) and this was his way of telling me how he much he loved me.
So back, off, buddy 
I will second Swingin’ by John Anderson. God, how I loathed that song.
Just a-swaangginnnn’
Excuse me while I find an icepick to dig out my eardrums.
Cute story. Horrible song.
Terrible as it is though, it’s a work of staggering genius compared to that song (by the same artist I believe) about the kid buying a pair of shoes for his dying mother.
That song could drop a diabetic at fifty yards.
I realize that everybody is afraid, nay, horrified beyond all belief, as to what the Worst. Song. Ever. REALLY is, so you won’t post it out of fear of reviving this sonic nightmare to drive you insane for the rest of your lives.
So I will do it for you. I will sacrifice what’s left of my sanity on behalf of the Straight Dope. Hope you appreciate it.
It’s Come On Eilleen by the Dexys Midnight Runners. May they roast in one-hit-wonder hell for all eternity.
I hate you very much.
Seconded.
I Drove All Night
Not by the original by Cyndi Lauper, by that horrid version by Celine Dion - that Chrysler keeps using in every freaking commercial.
Achey Breaky Heart - Billie Ray Cyrus.
Single Girl - Sandy Posey , a rather twee little contribution.
I just called to say I love you - Stevie Wonder, drekk drekk drekk.
Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler
My father was John Anderson’s golf partner/teacher.
I hate my father.
Now that I think of it, that period of the 1980’s was actually a dizzying confluence of things vibrotronica hates:
-Country music generally (except Johnny Cash)
-John Anderson specifically
-The Nashville music machine that made John Anderson a whole bunch of money
-“Swangin’”
-my father
-golf
Especially because this song usually makes me think of Uncovered Spike.
[sub]flees, dodging a shower of airborne rotting vegetables[/sub]
That one is Styx - “Renegade”
I don’t know if posting country and western songs to this thread is cheating. I actually like country music, but I know how a lot of you feel about it, and it’s often hard to tell whether the artists are being deliberately awful or not (Dropkick me Jesus through the goalposts of life), but if ever there is a song in the “So Bad It’s Good” category, it’s Teddy Bear by Red Sovine. It’s about a little crippled boy talking to truckers on his dead father’s CB. Truly magnificently, royally, and spectacularly awful it is…
You had to mention it, didn’t you?
That is the worst song I can ever remember hearing…and hearing…and hearing. Even now, my sanity is starting to slip as it echoes in my…GAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Another awful song - almost as bad - is Cher’s “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves”. Well, maybe just about any song by Cher. Her voice grates on my nerves.
Does anyone remember a song called “Once You Understand” by a band called, for some bizarre reason best known only to themselves, Think? It involved parents argueing with their children (‘cut your hair, get a real job’ type stuff) and then the father gets a phone call telling him to come down to the police station because his son has died of an OD. I think it was a minor hit in the 70’s–I remember it being popular with my 6th grade class.
So why was the dead kid’s body at the police station? Another bad song, which was popular in my 6th grade class, and which I believe was by a band called Wild Cherry, had lyrics which went “Play that funky music, white boy!” I always thought they were singing “Play that &#%@ music right, boy.”
I’m glad it’s been something like 27 years since I heard either of those songs. It almost makes getting old worthwhile.
Oh man! I forgot…
Shannon - Henry Grosse
“Sannon is gone I heard, Shes drifted out to sea”
Possibly “Break my stride,” by Matthew Wilder, but not much.
“Even the nights are better” - by Air Supply
“Wildfire” - by ??? Michael Martin Murphy ???
A hearty second on “Patches” and “Knock 3 Times”
“Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me a Bow-Wow” - not sure if this counts. It’s from an old movie called Evergreen
And there was one by a group called Gary Pucket and the Union Gap that I have, thank goodness, repressed completely.
Hearty second (third) to Shatner’s Tamborine Man. Unlike bad songs that suck, it’s a bad song that’s uproariously funnny.
You may think he was just clueless, but no: Shatner was totally skewering the songs he sung, trust me. You can ever listen to them again without thinking of his super-emotive renditions.
“Sometimes When We Touch,” by Dan Hill. Dave Barry’s bad song book claims it sounds like the singer is having his prostate examined by Captain Hook. When I actually heard the song for the first time, I had to agree.
At times Id like to break you and drag you to your knees At times Id like to break through and hold you endlessly…
Love you too, Dan.
Alternately, here is the worst song ever recorded. You just can’t argue with statistics.
You can also purchase a CD of it. It’s worth every bit, believe me.