Worst television programs of all time

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

The subject heading says it all. I’m talking pure crap.
Wretched, odious and utterly contemptible bilge that actually made you shudder and then want to spit at the screen. My votes:

  1. Laverne & Shirley – the low point in American television, if you can picture that. Worse than death by lethal injection. Penny Marshall should have been dropped on Baghdad back in '91–along with her monogrammed “L” sweater. “Squiggy” was a national disgrace. Had he been French, his hideousness would have been complete.

  2. Three’s Company – c’mon, give me a break. How many years did Suzanne Summers milk those padded C cups? The whole wretched series–from start to finish–revolved around her nipples! Lord, by the time the series ended, she was shuffling around in a walker with her dentures in her front pocket and her boobs dragging behind her.

  3. Joanie Loves Chachie (nuff said)

I’m sure you can think of more. . .

P.S. Does anyone else think those two news anchors on “Saturday Night Live” suck big time? (gagging sounds) The both of them need to be lashed to a rusty anchor and then get thrown into the Marianas Trench.

#2

Two words: Mama’s Family.
Two more words: Small Wonder.
Another two words: Punky Brewster.
Yet two more: Gilligan’s Island.
Yet another two more words: Cop Rock.

#3

Oh my god, I think you made pricciar cry. :smiley:

Worst shows ever:
AfterMAS*H
Phenom
America’s Funniest Home Video’s
Family Matters
Cops
Anything on MTV
Stupid FOX shows that go something like, The Worlds _______est ________
Or When ________ ________
Full House
Homeboys From Outer Space
Herman’s head
Any cartoon on CBS**

The one I hate with a vengance, It’s Showtime at the Apollo. Jesus that is bad stuff. I was watching an episode that was dedicated to the Apollo’s good luck stump! I mean c’mon! It’s a fucking termite infested block of wood! I can understand dedicating a show to Louis Armstrong or Marvin Gaye, but the fucking stump?!?! What they hell were they thinking?

I’m sure I will have more later on…

#4

Why does everyone dis Gilligan’s Island? What’s so bad about it? AFAIK, it never purported to be anything but a slapstick comedy. And it’s achieved eternal syndication, so someone must be watching it.

#5

I think it would be better to call this post “popular shows that sucked,” since somebody, somewhere liked most of the shows already listed. That’s why they were on the air for more than two episodes.
Anyway, I’m going to agree with some of the ones already listed:

Three’s Company- What’s really funny is, this was the height of their careers for everyone on the cast.

Full House- I once had a thread for Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen haters. The number of posts amazed even me. Bob Saget and Dave Coulier are both zits on the collective ass cheeks of humanity, and both need to be popped. Preferably in the mouth, so they’ll shut up.

America’s Funniest People- Dave Coulier again, telling stupid (and I mean stupid!) jokes with some bimbo, intercut with people acting like idiots in malls throughout America. It doesn’t get much worse than this.

Mama’s Family- A show that had no reason to exist. I’ve never in my life met someone who would admit to watching it.

Will & Grace- “Hi! I’m Will! I’m gay!” “Hi! I’m Grace! I’m neurotic!” “Hi! I’m Jack! I’m REALLY GAY!” “Our lives are interesting and our show in no way rips off Seinfeld!” NOT!!!

#6

Argh! Whenever I want to make a point about how people waste their lives of quiet desperation, I point to the popularity of “Full House.”

Let’s not forget “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” My favorites are the ones where someone is in trouble, begging their spouse to help them, and the spouse is chuckling as he or she videotapes them.

I think the worst show of all time had to be Fox’s “Candid Camera” ripoff. Their pranks would typically involve making people think they were fired. I remember one prank involving some guy whose hobby was gardening and who, according to his spouse, had put an enormous amount of work into his pride and joy. Said spouse naturally went to FOX to ask them to play a prank on him, involving tearing up his garden and building a faux oil well on it. The announcer concluded the segment by saying, “Ho ho! Of course, we’ll pay for the damage to his garden.”

-Ben

#7

Aw, no, don’t mess with “Cop Rock”!

#8

You mean The World’s Adjectivest Nouns and When Nouns Verb!?

Let me put in a word for what may have been the granddaddy of all horrible “real life” shows: Real People. I thought it was cool at the time, but I had an excuse - I was about eight. “And here’s a woman in San Diego who shaves her cats and gives them tatoos inspired by popular Impressionist artists!” :eek:

Yes, boys and girls, the Seventies really were THE DECADE FROM HELL!

#9

Any show on MTV.

#10

The year is 1980. The show is “Pink Lady”.

For those whose fading memories or fortunate viewing habits have spared them, there once was a 2-girl Japanese vocal group called “Pink Lady”. Typical idoru, J-Pop sound, reasonably popular in the Home Islands.

They had the bad luck to chart a minor hit in the US. (No, I don’t know what it was.) And because of that, some network exec decided they’d make the core of great variety show and signed them up right away.

He forgot to find out if they spoke English first. Any English whatsoever.

They didn’t.

Not a smidge.

The poor kids got thrown into a crash course in the language, and the show was quickly retooled to include alleged comedian Jeff Altman, who was to act as their co-host, guide and translator. When the show finally reached the air, the team-up came across as horribly lame – the girls could only barely be understood and they came across as vapid airheads; just as bad, Jeff simply wasn’t very funny. The show bombed and was off the air in a month (March to April 1980).

– Bob

#11

Wheel of Fortune

  • I hate these people. America, you follow-up Jeopardy with this?!

CHiPs

  • It’s so bad, it’s worth watching in a “Plan 9” kind-of- way. I am captivated by the re-runs.

Designing Women
-Must I explain?

Mad about You
-Not ‘splainin’ this either!

Oprah
-Okay…I am thinking of writing a book about the Oprah phenomenom. Oprah people are definitely into Wheel of Fortune. Oprah people are the people funding those companies that put ads in the back of The National Enquirer (I’ve peeked!), let alone funding the paper itself.

I put Oprah in the elusive category of “mind numbing”.

I’m sorry, but Oprah has done more to hurt women than help. It just staggers my imagination to think of the people that get into this.

I’m going to look for an Oprah thread.

CHiPs is funny/stupid. However, I find Oprah funny/sad. I don’t think it’s funny that it’s so bad…I find it sad.

#12

Ah, Full House. My classmates still talk about that show, nay, still QUOTE that show every chance they get. They love it. It makes me sad.

Also to add to the list, Sweet Valley High (my classmates sing the theme song to this classic) and Blossom.
There was also this show on NBC for an episode or two called Sleepers or Sleepwalkers or something and it was about this group of people who go inside other people’s dreams to try to help them, or something like that. I watched the pilot and changed the channel half-way through.

Those are my contributions, though I’ll probably think of more later.

#13

I remain convinced that those two twerps are evolved from Norfin trolls. Look at the early shows. Now look at a troll. 'Nuff said.

[slight hijack]I hate practical jokes with a vengeance – it’s a major peeve of mine – and believe that people who do them should have their tongues nailed to a coffee table. But to do them for the purpose of broadcasting them on a stupid TV show…well, there should be a special circle of hell for those people.[/slight hijack]

Shows we should forget:**
Webster
The Powers of Matthew Starr** (or whatever it was called)
Lucan
That’s Incredible!
Hello Larry
The Chevy Chase Show (poor Chevy – even he hated his show. At least the Dorito ads were funny.)
Any daytime talk show.

And hey, I LIKED Cop Rock.

#14

Dusty’s Travels.

We watched the first five minutes. Gilligan and his wagon train are heading into a ghost town. Bob Denver looks at the sign: “Shady Gulch. Elev 250, Pop 159”. “Wow,” he says. “I wonder how old Mom was?”

My father turns to us and says, “If they walk into the saloon and see a deer head on the wall, and he says, ‘I wonder how fast that deer was going when it hit the wall,’ we’re turning this off.”

Two minutes later we were watching McNeil-Lehrer.

#15

How 'bout

Baywatch Nights
Acapolco Heat (right after Baywatch)
The Kindred ? (White Wolf vampire show)

[hijack]Did anyone ever see Nowhere Man? Loved that show, was on for about two months, after Star Trek Voyager. Too good to be on TV :frowning: [/hijack]

#16

“Manimal”, anyone?

#17

I watched one of the four episodes. Only because Alice Cooper was the musical guest. He did “Clones” from “Flush the Fashion”. It was cool. The rest of the show sucked canal water.

There was a show on Channel 20 (here in DC area) back in the late 80’s (before it was UPN). I have no idea what the show was called but it was supposed to be very sexy for it’s time, really pushing the envelope. Being a college student, I was DEFINATELY going to watch this show. It was filmed in such a way that it looked like every 5th frame was shown, very stop-motion stuff. It hurt to watch. After 20 seconds, it was off.

There was also a gameshow called “Crosswits”. They rounded up the dumbest contestants they could find and pitted them against each other. We called it “Nitwits” and watched it occasionally just to laugh at those idiots.

Hey, Southpaw, don’t be dissin’ “Manimal”. All six episodes are true classics! Besides, it was in hiatus for about 5 years before it was finally “cancelled”.

#18

AKA Pablo

Now that Pablo, Full House, Mama’s Family, and Small Wonder have been mentioned, this topic of discussion is officially closed.

Worst Shows Ever.

#19

the Brady Bunch, in my opinion. Doogie Howser, M.D. was pretty bad too.

My brother, who is old enough to remember it, says My Mother the Car was worse even than those two.

#20

I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned “Supertrain.”

It was NBC’s answer to “The Love Boat,” but to be original they placed the weekly ensemble of hasbeens and neverwuzzes on a train. So they didn’t have to use ten-foot-wide sets, they said this was a ::snrch!:: special extra-wide train.

Yep, Pink Lady was stunning in its rottenness. Watching it was like watching a train wreck. Seeing Alice Cooper on the show would’ve made the rest of the show seem all the lamer… if that were even possible.