I had a girlfriend like this way back when. She pursued me over the course of a day and a half and then confided that she wanted to have sex right away. Her explanation was this: Get the sex started right off the bat. Who wants to invest several weeks/months in a relationship only to find out that you’re going to have lousy sex? Then, if the other person doesn’t realize that they’re having lousy sex, you have to continue it and taper it off or you’ll hurt their feelings. Find out right away and you can cut your ties with out too many hard feelings.
Well… okay. Who am I to argue with that kind of logic? At least she was up front about it. She was my gf for about a year.
I hope I’m wrong (as I want to belive the best of everyone, and so, hope he is just a totla asshle and not actually evil) but it’s possible this guy is an emotional sadist. That is to say, the six weeks were not what he had to put in SO he could get laid, but part of the fun. Getting off on manipulating a woman, making her care about him, making her think he cares about her… so he can feel superior. The sex, and the immediate breakup just being the coup de grace.
I don’t know…amoung other things that “slip” of his friend’s that let her know he talked about sleeping with her just seems a little odd. More like it was intended to hurt her.
Sick thought but there are some sick minds out there.
If you want to NOT assume the worst about the guy, there is another possibility. He might have been not feeling so hot about the relationship before having sex. More or less intending to break up, but the sex opportunity came in to play and he foolishly took it. Embarassment over the situation might make him crawl into a hole and go away.
Thousands of men will go to the extent of spending hard-earned cash to have sex with women whom they have never met and know nothing about, women who are likely to be carrying lethal diseases and also possibly involved with violent criminals.
There is no limit to how low some men will stoop for sex.
The fact he told a friend that he’d slept with her speaks volumes about his lack of character. I’d say yeah, he was just trying to get laid.
Also, it almost sounds like the friend was suggesting a little rendevous himself. If so, he either got the okay from the guy or, unsurprisingly, is equally trashy.
My guess is that his feelings for her were already cooling before they had sex, but once he’d invested several weeks dating her he held out so that he’d have something to show for it. Some guys are big into the number game – dating someone for several weeks without getting to increment your number is thus a waste of time. Once you’ve had sex there’s no incentive to keep dating, unless you actually like the person or the sex was really good. This is all a very wordy way of saying he’s a total dick.
She’s better off without him. Sadly, there’s not much she can do to avoid such people in the future – just like serial killers, they look a lot like regular people. Tell her not to get bitter or discouraged and keep trying to find someone nice.
In this case, it seems to me that the woman was the one who should be worried about all of that stuff. The man did her wrong, not the other way around. He wasn’t soliciting a prostitute, but dating a woman who seemed to have good intentions. You make it sound like he’s the victim.
** SHAKES** has my vote for best way to avoid it!!
I think it had to be the “notch on the bedpost theory”. Courting her up, then after he nails the hide to the wall, he tells his buddy…who appears to be wanting to get a little as well…and even tells him * THE SONG*???
This is the nail in the coffin (or hide, as it were). Didn’t just pass on the fact that he laid her, but went into quite a bit of detail. The friend evidently knew that the guy had no further plans on her. Wouldn’t want to risk getting his ass kicked if he ruined the relationship by humming “their song”, trying to hedge in on the guys action. The guy and the friend knew this would be the blow off for the guy…if the friend got lucky, so much the better (for them, not her).
A GREAT book to read which helps explain a lot of that type of behaviour (and NO, it’s not a 'man bashing" book despite the title) is:
101 Lies Men Tell Women; And Why We Believe Them.
And yes, according to every writer on “why do guys do this” that I’ve read, icnluding the three guys who wrote the book about the real story on single men (dammnit, I’m having stupid moments thanks to that time of month), and such writers on sexuality and the “man/woman” thing as:
Erica Jong
Barbara DeAngelis
The “Mayflower Madam” (hey!!! who’d know more about men that a hooker? :D) and so many others that are escaping me at the moment.
It’s very possible for men to go through scenarios “just to get laid”
I believe you missed the intent of DogFace’s post. I didn’t see as in any way trying to elicit sympathy for the guy, but rather as an illustration of how good sense is sometimes overruled by lust.
Thanks CanvasShoes. I’m going to amazon now and sending her the book. It is a very different world out there from when I was in the game. The biggest change is that families used to live in the same town and if you dated someone you usually knew someone who knew someone who knew them. I guess you almost have to get a private investigator involved before you go too far in a relationship. Very sad.
[sup]Sick![/sup]