Schedule and weather permitting, I bicycle to work in service of managing my blood sugar. Yesterday I’d have been better off taking a pill, as there was an unexpected thunderstorm just as I was about to go home. Fortunately, Memphis Area Transit Authority has a bus line that runs right onto campus, and MATA buses have racks on the front onto which bicylists can mount their vehicles, so rather than waste money on a cab (dollars are made of pennies, you know), I was able to get home without drowning for under 5 bucks.
Anywhistle … so there I was, riding the bus for the first time in forever. The bus was maybe half full. It was still raining hard when two young persons got on board. Both were soaking wet, and they were clearly a couple. Sitting together, they huddled for warmth, and after a few minutes started kissing. It was just kissing–there was no groping, no grinding of hips, probably not even any tongue I myself thought it was kind of sweet. But the bus driver was disturbed. “Y’all need to stop that,” he said repeatedly and in increasingly strident tones; the third time he threatened to stop the bus and throw them off if they didn’t decouple. “Don’t nobody want to see that on the bus,” he yelled after they finally obeyed. “Don’t do that EVER AGAIN.”
Seemed like an overreaction to me. But I’m a terrible role model: impudent, impious, soft-hearted, and mule-headed. So I put it to the group: Would witnessing the sort of public display of affection I described, in the closed quarters of a city bus, have bothered you? Were the affectionate passengers out of line, or was the bus rider over-reacting?
I wouldn’t have watched it, but it wouldn’t have particularly bothered me either. No reason to throw them off the bus, though I’m old & tired enough to think they would have been better served listening to the bus driver the first time.
Straight or gay couple? Wouldn’t significantly change my answer, but may explain why it bothered the driver so much.
The bus driver is, in a sense, the captain of a ship, and he is responsible for maintaining order and public safety on his bus. You obey the driver, and if a dispute arises, take it up with the company later.
In this case, the driver (quite rightly) believed the behavior of the passengers might have been offensive to some passengers, who also have a right to travel in an environment within a reasonable comfort zone.
Bus drivers have a certain amount of latitude in enforcing comportment on the bus. For example, I recently rode a bus in which the driver announced that he wanted all passengers to use seat belts, even though there was a sign making it obligatory only for riders under a certain age. I ignored the drivers “request”, but if he had made a fuss, I’d just buckle up rather than disrupt public transportation… My buses have a sign that says obscene or profane language will not be tolerated, and by extension, this can be broadened to body language – at the discretion of the driver…
'Round these parts, the local bus lines (DART) all have signs saying that eating and drinking anything are strictly prohibited. I’ve repeatedly had drivers stop the bus (when they’re running a bit ahead e.g. no recent stops) to run into a Jack In The Box or whatever to grab a drink and/or snack.
I would have simply thought to myself, “Mazel tov, you crazy kids, and please use protection,” and then found somewhere else to avert my gaze. Kissing with nothing further (no groping etc.) strikes me as a non-problem.
Yes, to an extent. But the OP’s question was whether the bus driver was appropriately exercising his power to regulate the behavior on the bus. If the couple didn’t comply, we could have a different debate over whether they should have complied and “take it up with the company or later” or did something different. The debate here is over the diver’s behavior. A moderate amount of kissing on a half empty bus on a rainy day doesn’t make my PDA meter go off. And I’m not a huge fan of PDA.
Actually that’s only half the question; the other half is whether you would have been bothered. It’s possible to have been indifferent to the sight but to have thought that the bus rider was right to stop them.
That’s true. I would not have been bothered. I don’t think the bus driver was right (although he had “the right”) to stop them. I was going to add that even if he thought he should stop the kissing, he had no reason to get angry with them, a polite request would do. Then I noticed that apparently they ignored his first and second request. That’s probably a problem, even if the driver didn’t have to intervene to start with.
I wouldn’t have been particularly bothered, though I’m not really a fan of PDA. In high school, I had a girlfriend who would have been perfectly happy to make out on the bus every morning and I kept having to say “Quit it! We’re on a bus!”
I think the driver’s response may have been a little aggressive by going into yelling, but he was right to stop them. Partly because you have to stop people at clear dividing lines. It’s too hard to adjudicate rules like “kissing but no tongue” so if you just stop it early, everyone is better off.
If it was just kissing and not groping, I wouldn’t be too put off, although I would think they were rather lacking in social decorum. (I mean, yeesh. At least take your snogging to the back of the bus!)
Now as for this “PDA” thing of which you speak . . .?
<Googles PDA: “Personal Digital Assistant” ! >
My god!!! Those depraved fornicators!!
<Checks Urban dictionary: “Public Display of Affection”>
Oh, right. Got it.
I think the couple should have knocked it off (err… I mean cut it out) when the bus driver told them too, but the driver definitely over-reacted.
If I were on the bus, sure the smooching couple would have been a bit distracting, but I’d much rather the driver got the gear shift out of his arse and kept his eyes on the road.
Oh, they were at the back of the bus, as was I. The seats there are wider, so I’d gone back there to pull out my tablet and get some work done during the very slow ride. The kids were at the very back, and had I not been sitting in a rear-facing seat I’d never have noticed them.
Oh, and I tried to put the full term in the thread title, but it was too long. Blame Vbulletin. Or Ed.
I would probably not have been bothered, though if they were a gay couple, it would have been weird for me. I haven’t been exposed very often to gay couples kissing a lot, especially in public and especially men. (Cut me a little slack, I’m old! But it wouldn’t have bothered me. I think enough people would have a problem with a gay couple doing a PDA like that, even with no groping, that the bus driver was right to ask them to stop. It may have been weird for him, too. Or he may have just been a bigot. I guess I’m assuming it’s a gay couple, here. Either way, he shouldn’t have had to ask three times.
In that case, snog away, young lovers.
And don’t mind the skeevy man taking pictures with his tablet.
(You did get pictures, right?)
But seriously, if they were seated where people were facing them, they should have stuck to just holding hands and grinning foolishly at each other.
(In my humble, grumpy old opinion.)
I was wondering too if this was a same-sex couple, which might account for the driver’s over-angry reaction. I voted (before I thought about that) that the PDA was ok and that the driver was wrong, and I stick with that, as opposed to the double standard that you are discussing. Bigotry begets bigotry, and if it’s ok for a straight couple to smooch on a bus, it should be ok for a gay couple too.
Looking at this without all the details I will look at this from, what I would assume (ASSUME) to the bus drivers POV.
Here the bus drivers are the Captain of the Ship (bus) and have a legal responsibility over the riders.
The bus is driving around with a half full bus, say about 50 people at full load, so 25 people are on board and people get on board during a dark and rainy night. In a warm bus, outside of the elements they feel the need to be further protected. The 2 people start kissing and don’t stop when the driver asks them to stop. The driver asks them to stop not only once again but for a third time and they only stop when the driver says the he will drop them off at the next stop.
IMO, you put the drivers livelihood at risk because you couldn’t control yourself. Bus drivers are liable for everything that happens in their bus and might often be scapegoats for legal actions. Because you couldn’t stop kissing someone ‘to stay warm’ another rider may have complained and only the bus driver would be at fault.
I would agree that the company policies/society/everybody else maybe at fault for not being accepting of what you want, but lowly bus driver should not be held responsible because you couldn’t stop kissing when asked.
I would have thought it was cute and had no problem with it. But I have no problem with the bus driver asking them to stop, either. In maritime law, you obey the captain while aboard his ship.
But it wouldn’t have bothered me. I think enough people would have a problem with a gay couple doing a PDA like that, even with no groping, that the bus driver was right to ask them to stop. It may have been weird for him, too. Or he may have just been a bigot. I guess I’m assuming it’s a gay couple, here. Either way, he shouldn’t have had to ask three times.