From most important to most expendable/easy to disown, I’d say most people would rank their loved ones like this. What do you think?
Unconditional love:
Nearly unconditional:
Take them or leave them:
I think pets go into the near-unconditional love category too, not unconditional.
I think we only need the third category.
People may love their pets unconditionally, but they love them to a much lesser degree than most people love their parents or their children. So the ranking system is flawed there.
Who puts their nieces and nephews and pets above their spouse?!
I’d rank it like:
Unconditional love= children/spouse.
Everyone else is somewhere below, and I am of course assuming a non-abusive relationship with the spouse.
I think it must vary a lot from person to person.
For myself, I don’t have any pets. I have some aunts and uncles that I love nearly unconditionally. That’s just for starters.
I’m afraid my daughter is in a class by herself, and my husband in the next one by himself just a hair below.
I love my nieces and nephews, but they wouldn’t be in the same class as my parents and I’m not sure if they would be in the same class as my pets. Of course I psee them rarely and wouldn’t recognize most of them if I saw them walking down the street.
So, if all those people were in a lifeboat and you could save only one, who would you grab?
I expected this thread to be somewhat different. My mom, and to a lesser extent, my dad, had pretty explicit rankings of how much they loved their children.
(not a happy childhood, yo)
A lot of people, especially women!
Are your nieces and nephews biologically related to you though? Most people seem to treat their own siblings’ kids with nearly as much fondness of their own, but are more lukewarm about their spouses’ siblings kids. Which is of course completely understandable being they’re actually an in-law relationship.
Since the OP is looking for opinions, let’s move this to IMHO.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Wow. Just, wow.
So let me get this straight: Your love for Fido and your nephew Frank is more meaningful to you than your love for your parents or your spouse?
And anyone put in a category of “Take them or leave them” isn’t someone who one would think is loved by whomever put them in that category.
How old are you? I’m simply amazed by this OP.
Lots of people don’t have pets.
Lots of people don’t have children. Lots of people who have children don’t particularly love them.
The OP seems to be confusing himself with “most people”.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pai325 View Post
I love my nieces and nephews, but they wouldn’t be in the same class as my parents and I’m not sure if they would be in the same class as my pets. Of course I psee them rarely and wouldn’t recognize most of them if I saw them walking down the street.
Maybe it’s just late but I’m having a hard time understanding how this is an appropriate response to the quote you’ve responded to. The above poster said that while they love their nieces and nephews, that love wouldn’t even be in the same league as the love they have for their parents.
To which you responded that most people seem to treat blood nieces and nephews with more love and kindness than those relatives acquired thru marriage. What am I missing here?
I don’t have a typical family: I was raised mostly by my aunt, although there was no question who my parents were. My aunt was an aunt by marriage, and there is no question that she loves me like her own children. FWIW, she has four biological children, and then adopted a foster child, but he often says she has six children. She also had her sisters kids under her roof for about a year when her sister went through a divorce.
My family is very close, with cousins growing up going to the same Jewish day school when we were young and seeing one another on virtually all the holidays. I am “Aunt” to my cousins kids, and they are aunts and uncles to my son.
My family looks more like this:
My aunt and uncle who raised me; my son; my husband: people with whom I share unconditional love, and the loss of whom would send me into deep mourning, and alter my life significantly.
My brother, my first cousins, my grandparents, my aunt’s parents, my father, my in-laws, my other aunts and uncles, my nieces and nephews I know well; pets: people with whom I have shared unconditional love, but whose death, after mourning, I would get over and go on.
My mother: not unconditional, and in a class by itself.
My cousins, some of whom are second cousins, who I don’t see as often; my nieces and nephews I have met just a couple of times, my brother- and sister-in-law I have seen just a few times, my extended in-laws (ie, my brother’s wife’s brother): strong affection and camaraderie, and I would formally mourn them, but I don’t necessarily have intense feelings I would describe as “love” for them, albeit, I probably could if I spent more time with them.
I don’t have any family I can “take or leave.”
I think I understand where the OP is coming from in terms of conditional versus unconditional.
Let’s say your child commits a terrible murder. Do you stop loving that child? Based on what I’ve seen, most parents continue to love their children even when they have done terrible acts. Yet when it comes to a spouse, people often choose to leave that relationship via separation or divorce.
So you can understand unconditional love for a niece who commits murder but not unconditional love for a parent who does the same? You understand that??
ETA: Becauze this was not only about childs and spouses. There was a whole lot more.
Nope, you’ve generalised what I said. I can understand feeling unconditional love for a child, but conditional love for a spouse. I’m only talking about a small part of the OPs post, not expressing agreement with its entirety.
I’m not saying I agree with the OPs rankings or anything like that. But I can see a difference between the conditional and unconditional types of love. I have seen parents express their unconditional love for children who have done terrible things. I have seen people stop loving their spouses and divorce them for doing terrible things.
This gets very complicated when step children enter the picture. Say the grandparents are suddenly given 3-4 new “grandkids” by a marriage and now when giving out say birthday or Christmas gifts, they are expected to give the new kids the same as the old.
In what way is that complicated? This exact situation happened to my parents and they delighted in having more grandchildren to love.