Would you be annoyed at this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, some of you may remember that I got a new addition to my family (a wolf cub named Udo). I mentioned him at work one day and how we are housing him in the crate with his “big brother” (our 5lb Chihuahua), but that he would eventually need his own crate, since Chili’s is only for a medium-sized dog (yes, he has loads of room when it’s just him in there). One of my coworkers, we shall call her Sue, piped up and said, “I could see if I still have my dog’s old crate – if I do, you can have it.”

“Woohoo,” thought I, as a those big crates can run upwards of $100 easily. I asked her to check and let me know, and offered her money for it – to which she replied that she didn’t need money, if she still had it, it was just taking up space and she would gladly give it to me.

Fast forward to last week – she found the crate and would try to remember to bring it to me. A couple days go by, and although I am in no hurry, I mention it to her. She says, “oh, yeh, I will try to remember to bring that.” That was Friday. Today, I get an email from her saying:

I am a little annoyed. The time to tell me that you wanted money for it was when I offered. I have since spent that money on other things that I need. I understand if she needs the money, but why not just say, “hey, I know I said I’d give that to you, but I am kind of broke, is the offer for paying for it still valid?” or some such.

Am I being a shit by being annoyed at this? **Note – she doesn’t know I am annoyed. I haven’t said anything in email or person to indicate it, and I wouldn’t. I just hate hate hate when people blindside me like that. I have actually lectured people in the past for similar behaviour – the time to ask for money is BEFORE the exchange, not during or after – it feels like extortion when you do it like that. And, yes, I understand that sometimes things do happen that make extenuating circumstances, but in this case:

[ul]
[li]she hasn’t been using the crate, it’s been in a horse trailer[/li][li]she’s asking for half of what her mother supposedly paid for it in the first place[/li][li]one assumes that she hasn’t paid her mother for it yet, if she’s claiming the only reason she wants money is because her mother bought it and not her[/li][li]her mother has no plans on ever using it – hence why it was in a horse trailer[/li][li]why the fuck not say, “let me think about what it’s worth” when I offered money in the first place?[/li][/ul]

The funny thing is, the whole issue might be moot – she says her dog outgrew the crate within a couple of weeks. Udo will be at least the size of a German Shepherd, so he will need a fairly large crate. She is going to measure the crate tonight to let me know how big it is, but I am thinking I might be better off just buying one new.

In all other aspects, she seems like a decent person. I don’t know, maybe this is a very weak pitting. Maybe I just want a pity party and for you guys to validate my annoyance. If you truly think I am the jerk, that’s fine, I know I have no sense of social stuff, so maybe this should just be a lesson learned, but it seems to me that asking for money for something you already said you would give me is just wrong.

2

I don’t think you’re being a jerk, but I also think it’s no big deal. People are flaky.

Having said that, if I were you I would tell her I’d found another crate and save up for when you have to have it. The deal seems a little squirmy to me.

3

This was my response:

She came back saying that she thinks it is for medium-sized dogs, so that’s why I said it might be a moot point. I think it was Nava that said it in another thread (about proverbs you’ve found to be true), and it seems to be true for me – “a thief thinks everyone is a thief” – I assume that because I always stick to my word, that everyone else does the same. I should stop assuming things.:smack:

4

I’m thinking this one is you being ridiculous. This part especially.

Um, she’s not doing anything of the sort. As far as I can tell no exchange has been made nor is the crate sitting in the office waiting for you. You aren’t being blindsided and she’s not extorting you by making you awkward. She’s giving you fair warning that she’s changed her mind.

What I would suppose happened is that during the initial conversation, in which other people were probably around, she thought she’d offer up the crate and be magnanimous by offering it for free. In a group setting she didn’t want to sound greedy or cutthroat. Reasonable I think. Then, once she got home and located it she starting thinking that she could probably Craigslist it for $50 so why not ask for a couple bucks for the hassle. Since it doesn’t sound like any firm contract was struck up here, I’d say she’s not being particularly unreasonable for changing her mind after sleeping on it.

What it comes down to is that you are getting pissed because you’re not getting your free lunch any more. Sure, it would be nice of her to give it to you for free as a favor but she changed her mind, people do that sometimes. Haven’t you ever changed your mind on something? Getting upset because an offhand comment was not held up as concrete is unreasonable. Sure, she probably made a mistake by saying she didn’t want money initially but sometimes peoples mouths move faster than their brains.

Holier than thou much?

5

I dunno. Maybe her mother found out she was going to give it away and objected to it. She seemed pretty apologetic about changing the deal. I’m fairly demanding of folks in general WRT them keeping their word, and I would let this one slide.

6

What exactly do you mean by “wolf cub”?

7

Well, it kind of seems like no big deal to me. You offered to pay for it, she’s consulted the person who ‘owns’ it (her mother) and has come back to you with a price that mom thinks is ok.

Really, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing or not doing with it - it’s her crate. I can actually imagine how this played out. She saw her mom and mentioned that she was giving away the crate (probably in passing). Mom had a fit and said 'I bought you that crate - you can’t GIVE it away! It’s a good crate! Like new! I saw one just like it on Craig’s list for $40! No, NO, NO!!!"

The reason I can imagine this is it would be the scenario if my mom had bought me the crate and I was giving it away (which is why I don’t let my mom buy me stuff anymore).

Anyhow, I don’t think either of you is being a jerk, your coworker probably feels like an ass, and the crate probably won’t fit your dog anyway.

I think you should save up and buy a crate the correct size for your dog, and thank your coworker for the offer, but you’ve decided to do something else.

8

Excellent question.

9

By “wolf cub” I mean he is a wolf – http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=498030 (pictures are in that thread). I really should update with new pictures, he’s all gangly legs now!

10

Generally not, actually. Like I said, I am not a social person, and that’s why I asked others’ opinions. This is just one of my pet peeves, and I wondered if I were being unreasonable being annoyed at someone going back on their word. Obviously, I missed the learning curve that teaches other people that it is wrong to assume that because someone says they will do “x” that it’s perfectly fine for them to do “y” instead.

In case you didn’t actually read my OP, let me point out that I did offer to pay for it, but that was pooh-poohed. It is not a matter of me looking for a “free lunch” as you seem to think, but a matter of someone telling me one thing and doing another.

11

:dubious: That is pretty clearly not a wolf.

12

Good Lord! That’s oversimplifying the situation quite a bit. She explained why she had to charge for it, and apologized for the inconvenience. After talking to her mother, she realized that could not simply give it away.

It’s not as if she promised to take care of your cat and shot it instead. She made an offer and then found out that she could not make good on it. What the fuck is she suppose to do? Pay for it herself?

And while we’re at it, pie-eyed.

13

Oh? Heh. I won’t argue his lineage, but I find it funny that the trainer when we went to a puppy play date class recognised him immediately for what he was. She asked his breed, and we said “oh, he’s a mixed breed” (because most people are rather ignorant of the breed and we didn’t want the other puppy owners worried about their puppies) and she said, “heh, I would swear he has wolf in him.” Of course I told her that I knew he is a wolf and she laughed knowing why I called him “just a mixed breed” but since her sister works with wolves in several preserves/zoos, she noticed the tell-tale signs right away.

He is very oddly marked for a timber wolf – and as a cub, hasn’t fully grown into his coat. Since he is pie-eyed, we assume he must be a hybrid, but do not know what the dog part is.

for comparison, here are a few GIS links of wolf cub pictures: black cub with grey counterpart, adult black wolf, adolescent black wolf, and finally very young black wolf cubs.

As we discussed in my other thread about him, a wolf can be indistinguishable from a domestic dog by looks alone. With many that are not the typical grey timber wolf, it is easier to recognise them by subtle things like how their ears perk and how they hold themselves. Wolves tend to have a very distinctive run/trot (well, really, I think it’s commonly called a lope) that dogs just don’t do.

14

(bolding mine) Yes, you are. People reconsider deals all the time. It would be one thing if she gave it to you and then a week later asked you for the money, but that’s not what happened.

The situation warrants about an eye-roll and nothing more but to move on.

15

I do think this is a small thing to get annoyed over. I would be a tad disappointed maybe, but it’s not like she broke any rules of etiquette or ethics. She changed her mind, and we are all entitled to that sometimes. Especially since its her possession that we’re talking about.

If you don’t want to pay for it, see what she says if you offer to just use it until the puppy outgrows it. Then you can return it. To make it extra easy for her to say yes, also offer to pick it up yourself.

16

Wow, I’d never heard that expression. I have always heard it in reference to a person or animal with 2 different coloured eyes. Wonder what the universal term for that is? It may be a Southern expression, since everyone around here knew exactly what I meant when I said my new puppy is pie-eyed.

17

Piebald?

18

That’s pretty much what “annoyed” means in my world – eye-roll, thanks anyway, and moving on with my life. If I already had the crate and she demanded money, I’d give the crate back to her and be annoyed, but it’s not like I am going to go off on her or in any other way show my annoyance to her, y’know? I think my reply was pretty bland, and I don’t feel like I am being a jerk – a jerk would be saying something ugly to her like “wow, thanks for nothing pal, hope you can unload that used shit off on some other fool.” Basically, I have only said I shall have to think about it.

19

I thought piebald was black and white markings? I always assumed that pie-eyed came from pied meaning multi-coloured. This is pretty interesting now. My poor baby, I’ve been calling him a drunk, and he’s way too young to drink :smiley:

20

That’s a little closer, but it usually refers to a thing which is streaked black and white. The Word Detective speaks.

The above article gives the derivation of pie-eyed as coming from “the fixed, wide-eyed stare of the afflicted, with eyes as wide and blank as the top of a pie.”