If, when the time comes you can part with the clothes, it is important to you, jsgoddess, that the recepient should really appreciate the clothes, it might work well to have them offered through a third co-worker. He/She can say something like: " Hey, jsgoddess seeks some good uses for the clothes of her late husband. I noticed that your husband Stan has about his size, and there is some good quality stuff in there. If you’re interested, approach her, she’ll be glad that the stuff goes to somebody who can make good use of it."
That way, if Stans wife is spooked by the idea, she has a perfect out to say to the co-worker intermediary something like: " No Stan has gained weight recently" " or Stans has enough clothes". And when she does want the clothes, spending a little effort by going to ask you is only make her going to appreciate the clothes more. And you will know for sure the clothes are really appreciated.
Anyway, in general, I don’t think the idea of offering somebody a dead person’s clothes is strange at all, but on the contrary, very thoughtful. But I can imagine that doesn’t hold for everyone.
I’d say something along the lines of I have some clothes I brought in. You can look for anything you’d like before I pack them up and get rid of them.
I draw the line at used undergarments, and I wouldn’t recommend you take that to give to a coworker. Whatever else is left after your coworker is extremely useful to charities that clothe people, even the undergarments. Nursing homes have people in need of clothing as do shelters. St. Vincent DePaul gives clothing to needy families daily, where as Goodwill does not and sells it. My choice would be to give it to St. Vincent DePaul because I’ve seen them hand out the clothes to people on occasions when I’ve stopped in to shop.
While this is easier logistically, it might weird me out, because I would feel more like I was picking through “his” space like a vulture. For me, it would be better to be presented with the clothes at a neutral spot.
First let me please offer you my condonlences. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I’m wearing my deceased father’s bathrobes (yes, he had them in different weights for different seasons) every day. I wore my deceased grandmothers (brand new, still in the package, not sure what she was waiting for) undershirts as tank tops till they fell apart. True these are family members, but i certainly would not be wierded out by the offer. I might not accept, but no wierdness.
I know how hard it is to try to decide what to do with all the possessions, and my condolences again.
My aunt died in October, and we parceled out to the family what items we thought would be useful/appreciated. My mother wanted to have a rummage sale, but I nixed that idea – she’s 96, blind and deaf. Just what she needs to try to do. We gave the rest to Goodwill, except for underwear. That I finally convinced Mom to throw away. “No, Mom, no one’s going to want Ola’s bras.”
We have always used hand-me-downs, so I don’t think anyone thought twice about it being creepy.
Antiques are inevitably the former possessions of dead people. Doesn’t seem to bother too many people.
A dead man’s clothes wouldn’t bother me unless they were stripped from the actual corpse. That is something I expect I would get over under circumstances less comfortable than I am enjoying at the moment.
I have no problem with wearing or offering a dead person’s clothing or posessions. That’s what we did when my grandparents died - gave people the chance to take what they wanted (and they did take stuff), then donated the rest. No one objected.
I’d be fine with it too. One concern would be the co-worker’s feelings – setting it up in such a way that she doesn’t feel like a charity case. Canadian girl’s suggestion is a good one. Invite her over and ask her to choose some things she thinks her husband would like.
I was at a friend’s house a couple weeks ago. She’s the same size as my daughter and she knows my daughter doesn’t have any extra money for clothes. Friend had bagged up some clothes to take to Goodwill and she asked if Tracy might like to have them. Instead of handing me the whole bag, we looked at each item and thought about whether Tracy would like it. It didn’t feel like charity.
My husband’s brothers had no problem taking his clothes when he died. I only wish I would have kept a few things – I love flannel shirts and now I have to buy them.
Well, right now I have a pair of shoes that were my dads, they fit my feet when they are still swollen but not to the agonizing part of a flare of my pseudogout. I am snuggling under one of his stadium blankets [one of those really old wool red/black/yello plaid ones that th edges are fringes not hemmed] mrAru has a bunch of his polo shirts and windbreakers, our roomie has some other polo shirts, and my brother scored some clothing as well. Though to be honest, everything else went to salvation army except the not pristine/underwear/generic white undershirt type tshirts. Though we did toss in several unopened packages of socks underwear and tshirts that since they were still factory sealed were fair game.
I currently carry one of his pocket pieces - a cute little leather case that just fits the 1923 silver dollar, it has his initials and birthday on it stamped in gold. I also have one of several of his cute little swiss army knives - the minimal one that is a blade, a rasp and a pair of scissors. It still has its tweezers and toothpick=) It is living on my keychain.