Heck no. I own a fine tuxedo (with matching velvet cloak) that I got when a distant uncle died. At the funeral I thought “I didn’t know you very well, Uncle Sam. But thanks for the tux.”
My mother has offered me the mattress that my grandmother slept in up until her death. Even though she did not actually pass away on that mattress, I still have found myself unable to take it.
I’m currently wearing a pair of my dad’s sweatpants that my grandmother pushed me to take when he died last year (as they had only been worn one or two times). I felt a little odd at first, but I’m pretty sure it was just because everything to do with him felt odd at the time. It wouldn’t bother me now, family member or not.
ETA: And I wanted to add my condolances, jsgoddess. I’ve been away from the boards for awhile, so I only just saw the thread about your husband. I’m so very sorry.
Oh hell no! EJ was deeply honored to be offered one of our friend Norm’s ties after Norm passed away last year. Of course, we weren’t expecting one of these- :eek: He wears it with pride (and a bit of righteous paranoia that something will happen to it, like a dribble or something- they retail for about $245, I think).
There is nothing ooky about wearing someone else’s clothes, regardless of the owner’s current status. 
What’s the big deal? I live in a dead person’s house-in fact, SEVERAL dead people. Also, we are eating and drinking from glasses and plates that belonged tomy grandfather. Isn’t recycling green ,anyway?
It cannot hurt to ask. All but one of my uncles has now passed away (my grandfathers having died long before I was born) and I have at least one piece of clothing from each of them. I don’t necessarily wear them often, but I think about them whenever I see them. After I am gone nobody will know who these pieces belonged to, so I suppose they will be dumped as they are not worth passing along, but I have a lot of really nice clothes that I hope other people can enjoy.
My necktie collection features a couple of Robert Talbot Seven Folds, and one is even a 1/40. I used to have enough money to collect outrageous ties. I have about three dozen stunning ties.
After my cousin died this spring… my Aunt gave gave my mom a bunch of his clothes to let me go through. She was going to donate them to Goodwill anyway, but thought there might be stuff I’d like. I ended up with a handful of shirts. I have to admit- it was a little creepy at first… although I’m not sure why. he didn’t die in them. Had I bought them at Goodwill, I surely would not have noticed at all. Now I don’t think about it.
When a life was lost all the dead man’s belongings were immediately auctioned off to the rest of the crew and the money collected would be sent to the family of the dead man. This was done because the master could safeguard the money but could not safeguard the items and also because the fellow sailors had a chance to help the family of the lost sailor by bidding high.
This is a cultural thing, but I wouldn’t have anything belonging to a dead person. Stuff they gave me while they were still alive (even as they were dying), yep, that’s fine; stuff they owned at the time of their death, not a chance.
So if your mother dies and leaves you several buildings, cars, money, jewels and other valuables you would just give it all to charity? Where do you draw the line? Or do you only mean clothes?
Not creepy. My MIL gave me some of her husband’s clothes after he died, and while it was a bit odd in that he was 40 years older and a good deal smaller than me, I accepted them (the belts and ties, anyway. Anything else wouldn’t have fit) and now probably couldn’t pick them out of my wardrobe.
My hubby does too- but they are hardly ever worn. In fact, I’m sure most of them still have the tags on them.
My condolences again jsgoddess.
The offer is being made with genuine goodwill and should be either taken or refused with the same courtesy.
Anything you feel even slightly ambivalent about giving away - stays. You can go through things again in a year or ten years and decide again to keep or not keep things.
Some people may not like being offered used clothes or things they might consider “beneath them” like leftovers. Yes, when offered in good faith they should just politely accept or decline but it may happen that you catch them by surprise and make them uncomfortable. The same as when asking a favor. In such cases I try to present it in such a way that I already suggest and make easy the way out for them.
If you have any excuse to do it by email that is even better as it gives the person time to think their response. The bad thing is when you catch someone off-guard. If you say point-blank, “do you want this?” they may feel awkward saying no because they might think your feelings might be hurt.
I might try something like: I have all this stuff that I want to give to someone who can put it to good use and I would be glad to give it to you if you can use it but if you have no use for it then maybe you can suggest or direct me to some organization who can use it. Or suggest that you have planned to give it to Goodwill but that they are things which have sentimental value and if your friend has any use for any item you would love to give her first option.
That way you are already suggesting an alternative which they can grab even if it is to say they are sorry but they do not know any place. You are already suggesting that you would feel their non-interest to be very normal and acceptable.
I had a friend who had a bunch of clothes to give away and he approached me somewhat embarrassed about it in case I might be offended. I thought saying I did not want them might make him uncomfortable so, even though I really did not need them, I told him I would be happy to take them, keep any that fit me and distribute the rest.
When I was just out of school and starting my career, an older cousin of mine died. My aunt gave me some of my cousin’s suits. It made her feel good to know they were getting use. I appreciated them. If I hadn’t wanted them, I would have told her “no thanks” and not been offended or anything.
I did make sure not to wear them in from of my aunt, but that was the only time I had reservations about wearing them.
I inherited my maternal grandfather’s wedding ring. My sister inherited my grandmother’s ring and wears it often. She wondered why I don’t do the same, and I said a wedding ring is just too personal to wear if it’s not mine.
I don’t think I’ve inherited any clothes from a dead person, but if was presented as “we found all these old clothes at (deceased’s place), would you like any” than I don’t think I would mind. If it was presented more formally as an inheritance, I probably would. In the first case it sounds just like housecleaning. The second case it’s more personal and that would for whatever odd reason would spook me.
I don’t see how it’s any different from wearing Gramma’s wedding dress, or whatever. A friend of mine inherited his grandfather’s tuxedo from the 1930s-1940s.
I think if you say something like “_________ thought a lot of you, and you’re about the same size – you’re welcome to any of his nice clothes you might like,” that’s a nice tribute. I have a beautiful cashmere coat from a dead dentist! It fits me perfectly.