I think it would depend on the circumstance. Provided everything is on the up and up, I’d be okay with it, but then I’m not looking to get married myself. If you *are * looking to get married, it’s pretty dumb to date someone who already is.
I guess I would. Because I have. In fact lived with a guy who was technically still married. They wanted a no fault divorce (or whatever they call it in the UK) which (in the UK) apparently involves living apart for something like 18 months. He was on his 8th month when I met him. While Hal Briston’s example is an object lesson, I talked to him long enough to know they wouldn’t get back together. They haven’t. But he wanted out of the marriage in a way that would be easiest on her. Which makes me love him even more.
That is a realistic pitfall. I don’t think he’s in a hurry to get married. He put in his on-line profile that he has absolutely no interest in making new babies. Existing kids are ok. So that weeds out a large portion of the population right there. I think that depending on why the person is in the playing field has a lot to do with what they expect in a dating partner. There may be women out there who are fine with it because they’re not looking for anything permanent.
So far, though, he hasn’t found that person. He’s upfront in the first communication (some women he met at pubs or what have you, and was upfront).
I did. She and her husband were in the middle of an amicable divorce, no kids involved.
Dates with women who know him, or dates via personal ads/the internet/etc.?
I might fool around with someone separated, if I already knew him, though I would be extremely hesitant to actually date him. But on dating sites, I will not initiate contact with or favorably reply to any guy who states that he is separated: I’m not looking for marriage, but whoever I date needs to be independent of his ex (and she of him). Being legally divorced is no guarantee of that, but a separation makes it less likely – and also makes it more likely that some feelings might not be resolved. It’s one of the very few “dating filters” that I have.
In your friend’s case, I don’t care that he’s staying married just to help her out: if they are not ready to be independent of each other for whatever reason, I am not ready to date him.
Eh, probably not. It’s not a huge moral issue for me, it just seems like a more complicated situation than I generally tolerate in my life.
I did actually date one guy who was married-but-separated, and he broke that news to me somewhat gradually – first he was divorced, then he was more like divorcING, etc etc. Whatever, guy. While I would have appreciated more honesty upfront, it was the sort of thing where we were dating casually and it wasn’t likely to get more serious whether he was single, married, divorced, or a bigamist. So I don’t think I was traumatized by the experience.
Strangers. He’s given up on the on-line stuff. He only tries the face-to-face approach now.
Yeah, if I met someone in a bar (or someplace) and he told me that he was separated – again, for whatever reason – I wouldn’t be willing to pursue anything with him.
Which is still too complex of a situation to voluntarily walk into, even without the kid. Your friend doesn’t sound like the classic “I’m really leaving my wife - next week, I swear” jerks. In fact, he sounds like he’s probably a nice, well meaning guy. But he is staying financially tied to someone (which is exactly what “for the insurance” means) and that’s a level of instability that I don’t need.
Since there is a teenager - absolutely not. I’d be very wary of someone who was leaving their kid in such limbo. Now, it is very possible that everyone involved (including the teen) really understands everything and is ok with the situation, but I wouldn’t listen long enough to find out.
I did once. No kids. We didn’t get too serious, though, so no repercussions except a panicked all-caps email from my dad advising me to STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT.
I did it once and wouldn’t do it again. Perhaps it was just that particular person but I got really tired of hearing about the divorce.
This sounds like you won’t date any divorced parent, just on principle. If I’m wrong, what do you mean by “limbo”? What is it that you think everyone might not “really understand”? 
Hell, no. Especially not with a kid in the mix. I take marriage too seriously to mess around with a married man, even if it’s only in the technical sense.
Not just no, but HELL no.
Nope. In general, COBRA allows a divorced spouse to continue on the insurance for 36 months (I think, maybe it’s 18, but it’s at least 18 months). Yes, COBRA is more expensive than being covered under the employer plan. But a) this gives her a clear path with a deadline to get her act together, insurance wise. And b) staying married “because it’s cheaper” is not going to convince me to date the guy. It is possible that the divorce settlement would give her a certain amount of money toward paying for the insurance. They need to figure this stuff out and make it happen. In his case, it may be part of the price of freedom.
To me, “married, but separated and going to get divorced in some unspecified point in the future someday, probably” is a transitional and flux-y state (limbo), while (to me, again) “divorced” or “married” or “together” or “not together” or “legally barred from marrying” are solid places, end points.
And I do think “my parents are married, kind of, but not really, sort of” could be confusing to a kid. It also might not be, but as I said, I’m gone before I find out if this particular kid gets this particular situation. “My parents are divorced” seems to me to be much less confusing.
I guess I fall into the married-but-not-really-separated category. Since I regard myself as married until one or other of us dies, there’s no dating going to be happening anyway. Thank goodness. It’s 30 years since I went on a date.
No, I wouldn’t. It’s just too risky. He or she might tell you that they’re amicably separated and just waiting for the paperwork to go through, but in the end, you only have his or her word that it’s true–unless you know the spouse too, in which case, what the hell are you thinking??? Scream. And. Run!
There are too many good potential partners out there to settle for someone who’s still got this kind of baggage. Add to this the fact that people have been shot to death over this sort of thing where I come from, and you have a potential disaster on your hands.
Life’s just too damned short as it is.
Fortunately my current partner didn’t feel like almost everyone else in this thread seems to. My then-wife and I had only been separated (but living in the same (large) house still, purely due to not having anywhere else to go yet) for a couple of months when I met her.
It’s now over 3 years and we’re both happier than we’ve ever been before.
I’m married but seperated. We’ve been apart for over two years now. No kids and for a while, I kept her on my insurance. Now I’m laid off and she just started a new job so she is returning the favor.
I’m just starting to feel like dating. She’s dated a few guys.
I’m a little disappointed that some of my favorite doper women have vowed to never date me.
If I did date, I would be very upfront about my situation but that appears to not be a saving grace. (or is it throw?)
The google ad for the dating service is a bit ironic.