…FTR, I also wouldn’t date a rapist.
While you’re being broad, part of the reason (beyond social conditioning) that women aren’t quite as turned on by the idea of male prostitutes, one-night stands, etc. is that there is less guarantee of orgasm. Many women aren’t clinging on to fuck buddies because they want to marry them, they’ve simply found men who can get them off and would rather a(n almost) sure thing over an anonymous encounter.
if you’re equating these 2 concepts, I think you’re badly misinformed
She does raise a good point. Rape has also always been around, despite efforts to curb it, in all cultures and societies. But that’s not exactly evidence for why we should accept it. Not saying we should or shouldn’t legalize prostitution, but tradition is hardly a good reason for keeping something intact.
I don’t equate them. But what she quoted from Ascenray did talk about men seeking sex ‘regardless of the circumstance.’ That does equate the two, in a way.
I think you’re missing my point.
To the vast majority of men, the physical sensation of sex is pleasurable and that pleasure is sought out and enjoyed even if there is no emotional connection or relationship. That inclination exists regardless of whether that man has ever patronized a prostitute or committed rape.
I’m specifically talking about comments like these:
Men do have a very different viewpoint on sex than women do. It’s a fact of biology. No matter what else might be involved, the very fact of penis in vagina is immensely pleasurable and at that specific instant in time the vast majority of men are feeling pleasure, no matter what else might be at stake.
And it’s very likely that nearly every [heterosexual] man a woman has met has at least briefly imagined what it might be like to have sex with her, even if he wouldn’t otherwise consider her attractive or desirable or would have moral or ethical qualms about actually having sex with her.
It wouldn’t even occur to me to ask, and if he told me about it later, it wouldn’t make Difference One to me.
Absolutely not. There’s a universe of difference between paying for sex and intentionally physically and mentally damaging someone.
Rape is not a crime about getting sex. Rape is about power, about hurting people.
It’s not so much what else is ‘at stake’ as the conscious steps and events that might lead a man into a situation where he is paying to put his dick in a stranger. I don’t think the posters you quoted were dismayed by sex drive so much as lifestyle choices.
(I acknowledge that there are biological differences between women and men when it comes to sex, though I’d argue that much of that is social conditioning. Though if men were absolutely sex starved and dick-driven, I don’t imagine there’d be a need for prostitution… there will always be people willing to screw if you’re simply looking for a vagina – or asshole, that feels good, too – to rest your penis.)
ETA I think saying rape is about power is as much as an oversimplification as insisting it is only about sex.
Ditto here. But I am not sure I would even *know * that I’d dated a man who’d visited prostitutes. It’s not something I would have thought to ask, and I don’t know why a man would volunteer that information to a woman he was dating romantically. I’ve been married almost 13 years, though, and didn’t really date much in the time that AIDS first made dating and sex involve asking some hard questions before having sex with someone.
When I think back on previous partners, there is one in particular who would not surprise me should it turn out he paid for sex. Realizations about that, though, came at the end of the relationship and in the looking-back-on portion of getting over the breakup.
I bet I have dated/slept with a man who’d paid for sex, but it’s not something I’m going to dwell on now.
Should my husband visit a hooker, though, our marriage would be over. And he has every right to jettison me should I do the same thing.
I don’t think it’s black and white like that. There are many different kinds of rape. Some of them are based on power, some of them are based on sex, some of them are in between. On college campuses, for instance, I have little doubt that most of the rapists who sleep with passed-out drunken girls and then get busted for it later would rather that the girls slept with them willingly - but they wouldn’t, so they had to rely on alcohol to take advantage of them. This is a crime of sex, not power. This is very, very, very different from someone grabbing a random woman, dragging her off somewhere, and sexually assaulting her and getting off on the thrill of doing it.
I think if we gathered up all the “Would you date _____” threads we’d see just how incredibly small the dating pool must be for some of the people on this board. It’s unrealistic to have the high standards you see people claiming to have on the SDMB. I haven’t told my SO that I’ve visited prostitutes before we got together–and I most likely never will. That’s not to say I’m afraid she’ll leave me, I just don’t feel it’s important enough to bring up after 9 years.
I’m a caring lover, loving partner, and damn decent father and I won’t be made to feel like a pathetic scumbag for visiting prostitutes when I was a lonely bachelor.
At least prostitutes provide a useful service to society. Myself, I would never date someone in, say, marketing.
My first husband had a thing for prostiutes before we were a couple. I still married him. My current husband not only lost his virginity to a prostitute (age 19) and still paid for sex prior to us meeting, and subsequently being married. I have also paid for sex (male prostitute). It’s a nothing in the whole scheme of things. Men have needs, and so do women. What’s the big deal? Is it any different from men or women getting a skinful of grog and picking up numerous one night stands from nightclubs?
Whoa! I re-read my post! My current husband paid for sex before I ever met him. Otherwise, it reads like foreplay!
You said it ll.
And how would you know?
Perhaps I’m naive, but I’d never consider “doesn’t hire hookers” to be an unusually high standard.
Having sex with prostitutes doesn’t make you a pathetic scumbag, it just makes you someone I most likely wouldn’t want to have a romantic relationship with. Just like someone else wouldn’t want to have a romantic relationship with a woman without a college degree or a man with children from a previous marriage. God knows, there are plenty of men out there who wouldn’t want a relationship with me, for whatever reason.
I pretty much agree with this. If I found out someone I was dating had visited hookers, I’m not sure I’d be able to look at them the same way again. Call me petty and judgmental, but it’s a gut reaction and it can’t be changed. I’ve heard of far more petty dealbreakers.
But I think you are twisting the original premise. Dating and “been with” are not the same thing.
I don’t understand. The OP’s question was “Would you date a guy who’s been to see prostitutes in the past?”
Okay- my misquote. But I still maintain “been to see” does not equal “dating”.
I believe you are clutching at straws.