I was married at the tender age of 20 to a man who did this exact same thing to me (except for the military and children thing). I am incredibly lucky that I did not have children, but five years into the marriage, I came home early from work and found my husband having sex with THREE other men.
I cannot describe the devastation I went through. Another woman, I could understand and compete with but I not only did not feel adequate as a woman, I did not feel adequate as a wife and partner and human being. Everything I knew to be “true” – our love, our life, our future plans – EVERYTHING I believed in life, was destroyed. My core belief system in humanity was destroyed as I had put everything into my marriage and the idea that – like my parents – I would live with this man for the rest of my life and that my life would be built on our shared values and beliefs.
For me, that was just over twenty years ago. Now, in my mid-40s, I am incredibly lucky I don’t have AIDS nor any other diseases. But back then, the pathology of AIDS was unknown and I had to get tested every six months for years because they didn’t know if the disease could lie dormant or not.
Lastly is the subsequent twenty years after my divorce; still single and thus far unsuccessful in establishing or maintaining any long-term relationships due to trust issues and a massive fear of being deceived and hurt again. No children, no boyfriend, no family, no husband. And my ex-husband? Absolutely disappeared off the face of the earth (i.e., not Google-able).