No, that hypothetical wouldn’t be OK with me. Even if he were a straight man I wouldn’t betray him by going to his soon-to-be-wife.
Thank you. Until I stumbled upon this thread I thought it was a given that most people would operate like this. It’s certainly how my family and friends operate, thankfully.
Wasn’t that line in a Tokyo Rose broadcast?
You need to learn what the word “betrayal” means.
The son’s welfare isn’t at stake. There is nothing about his welfare that hangs on his being allowed to fuck over an innocent person and ruin her life.
By all means, enlighten me and banish my ignorance.
Except for the DADT thing. Though, like I said, he might be able to get out of that just by being engaged to marry a woman. That’s still fairly shitty for the woman concerned, but not as much as marrying her - and it’s not like the son invented DADT.
I would have to consider long and hard about telling her or not. But the above part that I bolded wouldn’t really be a large part of the consideration. He may not have invented it, but he voluntarily subjected himself to it. (Yes I strongly disagree with DADT, but my gay brothers and sisters that joined knew what they were getting into.)
There’s a huge difference between past “arranged marriages” in which both parties knew what was coming and what this Todd guy is doing. That is, completely and selfishly withholding information she has a RIGHT to in order to make an informed decision about her own life. Who the hell does he think he is to just blithely decide for her what she’s going to do with it? No wait, he’s deciding what HE’S going to do with her life. Well, I want kids and to avoid being booted from the military…AH, here’s a likely candidate, you’ll do. Lord have mercy are you kidding me? What a prize PRICK this man is!
Surely there has to be some woman with a seriously ticking Bio-clock that would be willing to enter into some sort of arrangement with him? A business arrangement with both parties in the know is a completely different thing.
I don’t care if the person is gay, straight, or any color in the rainbow sexually, or if there’s some other issue (he robbed 15 banks in a tri-city area and is living incognito with a stolen identity). You do NOT have the right to do this to an innocent person without their knowledge. IANAL but if he does manage to trick her into it, when she finds out, there’s going to be hell to pay. That’s got to be some sort of fraud, breach of contract etc regarding the marriage contract. She’ll take him to the cleaners. And Yay her, he’ll deserve it.
This is the old “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”. Anyone who gives two figs for that poor simple girl as a human being and has any compassion at all will clue her in. Yes, Todd has a right to keep his homosexuality to himself, but if he uses it to use HER, he forfeits that right, ethically and morally.
Damn, how many gay kids did your parents have?
But I agree about DADT. None of them were drafted, and it sucks but they knew it when they enlisted. Reminds me of a former professor who was an agnostic, took a position at Baylor U. (a respected Baptist college in Waco, Texas), got denied tenure- in spite of a great reputation in her academic circles- for not attending worship services, and then bitched about it to everyone who would listen. I agree it’s a stupid reason to deny tenure, but they didn’t suddenly spring the fact they’re Baptist on you once you’d relocated to Waco and unless it’s the exact opposite of every university I’ve ever worked at I’m guessing they made it clear what was required for tenure in plenty of time for you to comply or even to not take the job.
Lying in court would NOT be saving them. If a loved one has done something illegal, they need to pay the consequences. You’re not helping a loved one by enabling their destructive behaviour.
Child molesters probably don’t want to be outed either. Deliberately engaging in an activity that most people would be harmed by has no shield of confidentiality.
If some people in this thread actually think this guy is an evil sociopath (a possibility I will grant), why the heck would you give him an ultimatum and threaten to tell her in a week if he doesn’t? That’s how people get murdered. Just tell her anonymously. No need to make the drama needle go to 11.
And uh, unknowingly my ass. If that’s the case then either she has no sex drive, so she won’t care about that part of the marriage. Or a gay guy was able to convince her that he loves her pussy and looks forward to doing it whenever she wants. Which means he has serious acting talent and has earned it. I mean, wow. That would be a maestro performance. Keeping the vomit down and everything.
:rolleyes:
Many feel that “betraying” the son in such a case would be protecting his welfare, since the likely outcome of his getting his way is, in time, going to be worse for him than torpedoing his plan now.
And if there are children by that time, Brenda’s grandchildren, it just gets worse. What will Abby tell them about their father? What kind of relationship will they have, if any? If Abby sees Brenda as complicit in the deception, how keen is Abby going to be in facilitating their relationship? (Brenda’s own status being kept a secret before the wedding isn’t going to help that angle either.)
No, if the OP is really a fair summary of the situation, what Todd is planning is likely to hurt everybody involved. You think someone who cares for him should let that happen?
If that’s how you think you can best help your son, then go for it. And don’t put betray in quotes. It’s what you’d be doing if you weren’t looking out for your son, but his future wife instead, which is what the people in this thread are saying they’d be doing.
Don’t tell me how to write my posts. When I use quotes, there’s a specific meaning and purpose for the choice, just as there is in choosing to use this or that word.
And no, it’s the opposite. That’s the point.
Well then, you go on and keep “helping” your loved ones however you see fit.
We sit on opposite ends of the moral compas, for my wife would be my closest friend.
Maybe it means I haven’t found the right woman. 