Now that’s moving the goalposts. The OP asked about a 4 year old, not a 6 year old. The two are very different developmental ages and very different peer group reactions would be expected, so I would handle each differently.
In both cases, I’d let the kid dress for Halloween in a dress if s/he wanted. If a 4 year old wanted to wear a dress to the playground or school, I probably wouldn’t worry about it enough to say a word. If a 6 year old did, I’d address it differently - still allow it, but yes, ask some questions about what about the outfit appealed to him. Again, not because it’s wrong, but because by 6, the fears of peer reaction being negative are more realistic. I’d at least want to prepare the child for the tough row he might be hoeing.
It might be that the kid likes flowing fabric, not dresses per se. In such a case, I might help him make a cool cape or cloak…something that would meet his desire while reducing the risk of bullying. It might be that he gets a kick out of shocking adults, in which case I’d help him develop some positive attention getting techniques, like memorizing state capitals or singing. Or it might be that he really likes wearing dresses, in which case we’d rehearse some polite but assertive ways to deal with possible negative reactions from others.
And with your attitude probably be Republicans that get busted in public restrooms trying to proposition someone while simultaneously passing laws against same sex marriage. But that’s OK, conservatism is just part of the social spectrum and we all must be tolerant of it.
According to Jim is not the best show on the planet, but they did have an episode where Jim’s only son Kyle wanted to be a fairy princess on Halloween. After the usual arguments on the issue, Kyle, Jim and Uncle Andy all went trick or treating dressed as fairy princesses. It was hilarious.
I can’t get behind this view. I don’t think choosing to dress as a Disney princess for Halloween should be equated with considering said Disney princess to be an ideal woman and role model. When they’re in preschool or elementary school, kids just want to dress in the clothes they think look nice. Snow White wears pretty colors? Okay, then I want to be Snow White.
When I was a kid I had a big box of my grandmother’s old clothes that my best friend and I liked to dress up in. Sometimes my brother would see us dressing up and want to wear my grandmother’s silk slips and sundresses with shiny necklaces. He also sometimes wore my tutu, or put on my dresses when I took them off. My parents didn’t really mind this or make a big deal out of it, and at age 16 he has lost his interest in crossdressing completely. I think he really just wanted to a) wear nice things, b) be more like his big sister; it had nothing to do with his idea of gender.
Point taken. In this boy’s case, I would have had the same reaction when he was four. Cross gender dressing just isn’t something that, so far at least, would be something appealing to him. I would temper his father’s freak out with some thoughtful conversation and do my best to find some kind of solution, but to go along without batting an eyelash like it’s the norm? Well, I’m not that enlightenend I guess. That’s why I hang here
Snow White is one of the least princesish of the Disney princesses, along with Cinderella. Both of them do housework and get their hands dirty; Snow White takes care of several people (who are in turn taking care of her). This, combined with the fluffy sleeves and lack of pink (I’ve been allergic to pink clothing for as long as my mother remembers) made her Acceptable in my book.
Honestly, I’d try to talk him out of it. But ultimately let him wear it if he insisted. I remember being about that age when my brother and I dressed up like girls for Halloween. Most of our neighbors couldn’t figure out what we dressed as – they assumed we were girls, and were trying to figure out why we were wearing regular dresses/makeup/jewelry.
My son, who recently turned 3, has long had a habit of doing things like putting a hand towel over his head so it hangs down on both sides like long hair, or wrapping a full-sized towel around him like a dress, and saying something like “I girl.”
This culminated in the time, just a couple months ago, when I went to pick him up from day care one day, and found him wearing a ballerina tutu. We usually keep a cheapo camera in each car because, with kids, you never know when a great photo op is going to happen. For some reason, the camera wasn’t in the car that day, and I’m still bummed about that.
It wouldn’t surprise me if he decided he wanted to dress up as a girl for Halloween one year. If he does, so what? He’s my kid, and I love him more than I can say. That’s not going to change if he’s still wearing dresses as an adult, let alone now. I want him to be able to be comfortable with who and what he is. He may have to learn where it’s appropriate or inappropriate to reveal certain sides of himself, but that’s true for us all. But I want him to know, now and always, that he can be open about who he really is when he’s with me.
My daughter is 2½ and *loves" Disney princesses. But she also loves Bob the Builder, Fireman Sam, Winne The Pooh and all the other stuff kids like. I used to feel slighty uneasy with getting her Disney princess gear, but I’ve really grown to loathe even more the pseudo-feminist anti-disney stuff… they are just stories, which are read in context with mummy and daddy, just like all the other books we have.
There’s an awful chain email (and no doubt facebook page / youtube video) called “Things girls learn from Disney” - examples like “The little mermaid shows girls that you have to mutilate your body to find a man” (just cos she loses her legs to be on land) - which could be applied to any children’s story you choose.
If my daughter (or son, if/when one comes along) wants to dress as a princess then she can - because the next day she’ll dress as a fireman, or a cook, or a cardboard box, or whatever other weird stuff is going on in her head.
And lolz at the Ruff Tuff Daddies who growl that “my son is a real man and ain’t gonna put on no girly stuff”.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting a 4 year-old dress up as Snow White for Halloween. I don’t have to worry about it, of course, because my 4 year-old quite sensibly wants to dress up as The Doctor. I think I’d probably try to guide him away from Snow White as a choice at 5 and up though.
It is possible to teach a child about traditional gender roles while still enabling them to accept exceptions - in others as well as themselves, if that’s how things go. Homosexuality is not “caused” by behavior. If a child is going to grow up gay, he or she is just going to be gay. But until the kid reaches a stage where that sort of thing matters, as a parent you have a responsibility to teach him how the world works in general.
Nothing dictates all gay males have to adopt feminine characteristics, either. Why can’t a gay man be the family breadwinner, work his 8 hours in a factory, and expect dinner on the table when he gets home at five? There is just as much stereotyping done by the ultra-left as there is on the ultra-right. Both extremes are wrong.
Like I said, I suspect my niece’s interest doesn’t extend much beyond the idea of wearing pretty dresses.
But speaking generally, the thing about role models - also stereotypes - is that they come from the everyday influences to which a person is exposed (or in which one immerses oneself.) By dressing like a Disney princess everyday and acting out scenes from the movies and singing all the songs and plastering princess images across every available flat surface - that makes the princesses into genuine role models. It’s the ubiquity which gives them a real influence in a person’s development.
It’s not the isolated moments that shape a person but the everyday culture about which they probably don’t think twice.
Nava - Belle is clearly the coolest of the “Princesses” but I look horrible in that yellow dress.
When I was a pre-schooler, I wore clothes. Playing dress-up was good clean fun (as opposed to stomping in the mud, which was good dirty fun).
Unfortunately, my kid sister prefered to strip naked and hide her clothes every time she was let out of the house (this was back in the days when little kids roamed their neighbourhoods without being followed by helicopters). Interrogation was useless, for she didn’t speak for a few years other than to say my name. My mother had an ongoing reward of 25 cents (in the early 60s) to any of the neighbourhood kids who found her sartorial stash.
My folks really didn’t care what we wore, as long as we came home with roughly the same number of clothing items as we had when we went outside.
Oh, I’d also like to add that far from becoming a “freak” (whatever that’s supposed to be), C.B. ended up in the military and is, along with his younger brother*, an Iraqi veteran (with several medals).
So if you were to make these comments about “freaks” and “gender roles” to his face, well, it wouldn’t be pretty. (No, mods, this isn’t a threat)
*Said younger brother used to want his nails painted when my aunt would paint his sister’s nails.
(No, mods, this isn’t a threat)