Would you let your 4 year old son wear a Snow White dress for Halloween? I wouldn't.

In My Humble Opinion
81

Thank you for saying that. Just because a boy likes “feminine” things doesn’t mean he’s gay, and just because a guy is gay, doesn’t mean he likes “feminine” things.

I have a four year old boy who likes “girl” things. He probably wouldn’t ask to be Snow White because he prefers Cinderella. If he’s presented with dress-up options, he invariably picks a purple flowing thing with sequins and whatever flashy pumps are available. He became entranced with ballerinas when he was about 2 and has taken ballet lessons ever since - he’s quite good! He likes some “boy” things, too - cars, trucks, fire engines and playing baseball. My husband and I let him do what he wants to do and we encourage him in his interests. I would never teach him the lesson that you should hide or suppress your passions because someone else might tease you. That’s a destructive thing to teach a child.

By the way, I have no idea what his sexuality is, but I have no idea what my other son’s sexuality is, either, and he’s about as stereotypical boy as you could get.

82

But how do you teach a four year old that is is normal and appropriate to dress up for Halloween in a dress if he wants to?

Perhaps by letting him?

83

And yet, I’m pretty sure no one would have batted an eye at a girl wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume. They didn’t when I did, anyway. If anyone had tried to tell me I had to be April, I probably would have thrown my Master Splinter action figure at them.

Yes, I had a big plastic rat for a toy.

84

The eighties were a great time for toys, weren’t they? :slight_smile:

85

My 21 year old son Charlie was 4 years old back when the group Onyx came out.

The style for young AA men back then was either a flat top or Caeser cut. Bald was out.

The guys in the group were all bald. Charlie loved the group.

Charlie wanted to be bald too.

I shaved his head and made my child happy. I didn’t care what anyone else thought. He was cool with dealing with his peers in school - he’s just point to his head and say “Onyx”.

My point is, making a 4 year old happy is more important than society pressure, neighbors’ opinions, even family complaints.

I’d buy my kid whatever costume he or she wanted. (I did)

86

There’s a bar I go to in San Francisco on occasion, known as Divas. On any given night, its full of transexuals, crossdressers, high femme gay guys, and the occasional butch lesbian. Plus a lot of men (and a few women) who want to have sex with people in the previous groups. Now, I’ve never done a poll, or anything, but I’m willing to be that upwards of 80% of the people in that bar had parents who thought the way you do about gender roles, and yet, their kids still grew up to be “freaks.”

So my question to you is, what makes you think how you raise your kids is going to have any effect at all on what sort of gender roles they adopt when they get older?

87

Onyx quote to brighten the day;
“What’s the matter with my braiiiiiiiin? :confused:
I can’t think clear, oh it’s the hair :smack:
Run and get the razor, gotta make it disappear :slight_smile:
There! now I’ve got a open mind :dubious:
Plus some grease to give it a shine :cool:”

88

This brought to mind a great song, by the Austin Lounge Lizards (“Jesus Loves Me but He Can’t Stand You”)…“I’m raising my kids in a righteous way, so don’t be sending your kids over to my house to play. Yours’ll grow up stoned and liberal and gay…”

I’ll play my “degree in Child Development and over 15 years of experience working with young children in addition to being the parent of 2 of my own” card on this one and say that in my very educated opinion, I’d let the kid dress up as whatever he wanted to for Halloween.

I’d honestly be more worried about a 4 yr old boy dressing up as a soldier or Rambo or other violent character OR a 4 yr old girl who was obsessessed with the Disney Princess or other gender stereotypes. Just MY particular bias, but I wouldn’t stop either from dressing up as they wanted to regardless.

4 is an age when kids are exploring gender roles and just begining to identify one way or the other in a serious way. It is one of the developmental benchmarks of that age (and like all other benchmarks, varies widely…some reaching it earlier, some later). Little boys get the short end of the stick…girls are usually allowed to be “tom-boys” and wear “boysih” clothes and explore that aspect of themselves. A little boy wants a pink stuffed animal or a dress? OMG, batton down the hatches…it’s the end of the world! :eek::rolleyes:

Leave the kid alone. If others make fun, kids or parents, screw THEM. The more important lesson here, given that such occurs, is that such persecution and ridicule is a sign of gross insecurity, immaturity and should never be allowed to dictate what you do or don’t do.

89

The entire story made me want to vomit. It certainly made me cry. And I hope it’s read by the people in this thread who would prevent their boys from wearing a dress for Halloween. It’s just a difference of degree.

90

I still seriously want to know how Chessic Sense would react if his child would end up a transgender. Despite sticking to the whole “strict gender role” thing. Just because I’m curious.

(I feel bad too if his daughters ever want to play sports. He also said “girls will be girls.” :rolleyes:)

91

I’d like to add some perspective from my initial response.

I’ve lived in the same house since before my kids were born. My kids are now 11 (son) and 12 (daughter).

I know just about everyone in the neighbourhood (40, 50 houses?) on a first name basis.

When my son was 4 years old he saw his older sister enrolled in dance lessons and said “why can’t I go to dance?” And we said, “you can!” So we enrolled him in dance lessons, which he enjoyed for a couple of years. And then, all by himself, he decided he didn’t want to go back: again, fine.

We have always had costumes in the basement: Cinderella, Spiderman, Darth Vader, Snow White, Batman, ballerina, etc. Both my kids took turns wearing whatever came to mind and whatever they wanted: absolutely no problems with us.

Cut to Halloween. If my son, at four years old, had wanted to be Snow White I would have talked him out of it. Not so much to save him from anything, but to save me and my wife from embarrassment. Now, I know a lot of you people, and especially you enlightened ones without kids, would try to ridicule me here, but if I can persuade my son to be, say Darth Vader instead of Snow White, why wouldn’t I do just that? You don’t think it would be uncomfortable explaining to the neighbourhood why Billy was Snow White, as opposed to Darth Vader?

Oh, I know, you don’t care what other people think, right. Bullshit. Most parents would be totally embarrassed if their son went as Snow White when with very minimal persuasion they could get him to go as just about anything else. If the kid put up a screaming match then maybe I’d capitulate, but at 4 years old the candy is paramount.

92

There is nothing embarassing about a four year old dressing up as Snow White.

93

My greatest fear would actually be that perhaps he is destined to be gay/bi/trans, and if so I don’t want the repression to start with me.

94

In public?? In front of friends and neighbours? Yes there is.

95

Articulate what’s embarrassing about it.

96

I used to worry that I was getting the hairy eyeball when I would pick out panties for my then gf without her around. It wasn’t embarassing, but I always thought people would think I was a pedophile or something. Eh, I still bought em, on multiple occasions.

97

Seriously. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. The only difference you can make is whether your child grows up confused and hurt and rebellious or accepted and confident and happy. Forcing ‘gender roles’ down their throats only causes conflict with who they grow into.

98

Your car just got spraypainted pink. And frilly dingleballs are hung from the mirror. Why do you care what anyone thinks?

99

You equate a car with a young child? Now that’s embarassing.

As far as art cars go, why not?

100

So go ahead and articulate it, brah.