Its relevant if I think the risk is small enough to justify the benefit of decreasing the stigma.
Whaaat? When did I say I’m not bringing up the point of the risk?? I clearly said that I feel the risk is so low as to be non-existent, and that the benefits of letting the kid go to the sleepover is worth it. If I felt there actually was a high risk, then of course I’m not going to do it
What if you’re not at all enthused either way? Should I have to be happy and super glad my kid is sleeping over at someone’s house? What if I don’t give a damn? Then I can’t let her do it? My point is that I really don’t care that much one way or the other as far as the sleepover, but I do have strong feelings about making a political point. What difference does it make what my intent is?
No, you said you would put your daughter at risk to prove a point. If you don’t feel she actually would be at risk (any more than everything is a risk), then it’s not putting her at risk to prove a point!
Then the OP should play on that confidence. He’s not a pedophile so its fine to trick the other parent into thinking he’s not one, just like when George and Jerry “tricked” that reporter into thinking they’re not gay
She should omit, not lie. The question she, and you, should ask yourself is: does this person deserve to be told they are abnormal/defective/possibly evil because of my own experience? You can have your experience, but I’m guessing you don’t hit people over the head with it when you’re in line at Burger King. Neither should you tell this completely stranger that you have a huge hangup about his particular subgroup
Sorry, then let me clarify that I consider it such a small risk that its practically non-existent. I’m still putting her at risk, just as driving her to school puts her at risk of a car accident, but its small and tolerable
It’s possible to tell the truth about what you think, and still be a narrow-minded asshole. If it’s the parents’ opinion, founded in dark personal experiences or simply shallow thinking, that a single guy who lives with his daughter is a pervert that’s entirely their right. But expecting the butt of their opinion to take it in stride as a normal concern is messed up and shitty. I’ve only ever been robbed by Hawaiians, but I don’t get to call all or even many Hawaiians “thief.” Everyone’s entitled to carry around whatever baggage they can’t or won’t let go of, but nothing gives them the right to make someone else carry it who doesn’t deserve it.
Here’s something I remember from my growing-up years. There was an unwritten rule in the time and place where I was a kid that fathers did not attend their own kids’ birthday parties. More than once, I was not allowed to go to a party because the child’s father would be there , and I remember having a birthday party with several kids from the neighborhood and classmates in attendance, and my dad helped with the decoration and then left.
Ya know, it wasn’t so many years ago that many parents would not allow their kids to play with children who had divorced parents, and in some cases, the kids were instructed to tell everyone that their father was dead. If they went away in the summer, people were told that the child was visiting “relatives” (which they were, although in so many cases, the father and his family were not viewed this way after the split).
Conversely, I’ve never heard of people who prohibited a child from playing with kids because their parents were married to each other, although I’m sure it’s happened. My sister was teased at school for having married parents, and this was in the late 1980s. :smack:
Parents, beware. I am Scottish. If you let your sons sleep over with me or any of my immediate family, they will be taught to wear skirts and eat sheeps’ stomachs.
My dad always left before or shortly after the party started. Usually a number of other moms stayed for the party and my dad was pretty much an introvert. Also, I think because he really wasn’t keen on all the kids and the noise and stuff. He was fine if we had just a friend over, but if it was a group of kids, he usually cleared out or holed up in his den.
You know, it’s always possible that in their limited interactions with Fubaya they either got a funny vibe or just plain didn’t like him. We tell people to trust their instincts when it comes to their kids, right? So maybe they did.
Yes, people have offered a number of reasons why they might be feeling the way they did, but regardless it was a pretty sucky way to respond to his invitation. There are many more diplomatic ways of saying “No thank you”.
I don’t blame you for being offended. The only positive thing is that they were honest instead of trying to make up some BS lie. Now you won’t waste any more of your time trying to plan another sleepover.
Do resist the temptation to lash out at their daughter by uninviting her to the group birthday party. It’s not her fault that her parents are overly protective.
If it’s any consolation, I’m a married mother and have had parents refuse to let their daughter spend the night at a group slumber party. They’d stay until midnight or 1am, at which time the parents would come and pick them up. I had no idea why. Were they covering up for a bed-wetter? Was the little girl afraid of spending the night in a strange place? Did they fear that my husband would get up in the middle of the night and molest her? Or that our dog would bite her? Who knows. I didn’t try to understand why, to be honest. I just said goodbye to the little girl and waved to the sleep-deprived parent in the driveway.
Let’s just say that men are more likely to commit crimes and acts of violence, and to be predators of one sort or another. This is why there were 1,462,000 men, and only 109,000 women, in U.S. Federal and state prisons in 2012. (Table 1 on p.2 at the link.)
Actually, re the birthday party, I’d not only invite the little girl, but I’d invite the parents, too, and some other parents as well.
Their behavior is inexcusable and that kind of attitude is probably going to be a problem for their daughter in the future, too. BUT I’m suggesting you seize the Moral High Ground and continue to include their daughter (and them) in group social events where appropriate. Let them continue show themselves to be the assholes they are.
I came to the US (alone) for a few weeks, staying with a friend that lived there. The household I was staying at was filled with female students, and they were all paranoid about me because I was a man traveling alone. The girl I was staying with told me that her roommates interrogated her multiple times about the possibility of me being some kind of fugitive or terrorist without knowing anything about me other than that I was a man that was traveling alone from Europe. They acted paranoid about me, asking a lot of questions (not in a pleasant social way) and wanted to inspect my passport.
It was a kind of culture shock for me. I know that many Americans are not like this, but I got the sense that there’s too much fear and paranoia in general in the American subconsciousness.
I may think that other parents are a bit paranoid, out of bounds, and rude, that the analogy to Blacks in prison is valid, but it must be noted that the above claim is false (pdf): 97% of child victimizers are male, 70% of them are in jail for rape or sexual assault, most have no previous criminal record, most victims are female, and most attacks take place in either the victim’s or the attacker’s home.
, and I remember having a birthday party with several kids from the neighborhood and classmates in attendance, and my dad helped with the decoration and then left.