To reward you for your part in averting the Apocalypse of 524,288 Michelle Jennekes, Athena has directed Rhymer Enterprises to not only call off the band of thugs scheduled to rough you up tomorrow morning, but also to give you a reward: either an infinite wardrobe or a sonic screwdriver.
Choose the infinite wardrobe, and you get what looks like an ordinary leather belt in your size. But if you put on that belt and twirl about like Wonder Woman, and you’ll find yourself arrayed in, oh, whatever the heck you feel like wearing–anything from sweats and sneakers to a tophat and tails. You’ll never have to do laundry again, as the twirl-change always provides you with perfectly clean and dry duds; and while the created clothes are not indestructible, the belt itself is, so you’ll never have to buy new clothes again either. You still might want to go shopping from time to time, just to see what’s out there, but that’s on you.
No, the magic belt does not transform you into a superstrong superfast siuperbusty Amazon, or any other sort of Amazon. If it did I would have led with that.
Your other option is a sonic screwdriver exactly like the Tenth Doctor’s. (More discreet than Eleven’s, and of course there never was a Twelfth Doctor). Using Time Lord technology that might as well be magic, your screwdriver – or sonic probe, if you’re a fuddy-duddy–will let you scan for things as exotic as dark matter or as prosaic as studs in your wall. You can instantly diagnose any problem in any mechanical or electronic device; pick locks; blow shit up; and so on.
And no, it does not work on wood, i don’t know why you think it would.
A sonic screwdriver, according to my understanding of what it does, based on that virtually context-less YouTube video (I do not watch that show), strikes me as one of the most useless things I could own, unless I decided to become an adventurer and/or a master criminal. I might, as iiandyiiii suggested, be able to monetize such a thing, if I were otherwise handy, but I’m not. So, fuck a sonic screwdriver.
I guess I’ll take the infinite wardrobe, by default.
To heck with the wardrobe. I’ll move to a warm climate. I look just fine nekkid, anyway.
I have no idea what to do with the screwdriver, I’m not at all handy. But I’m fairly sure a nekkid woman with a fancy pants screwdriver could find a fella to operate it for her.
I’d take the wardrobe. I’m not a fancy dressers, and generally don’t care what I look like. But, perhaps for that reason, an instant suit, tie, and shirt that doesn’t need ironing sounds fantastic. And no laundry, ever.
I’d be extremely apprehensive as to *where *would I wind up “sporting” such a probe if otherwise nude, but if that’s your thing… Not that there’s anything wrong with it…
Was going to wonder about the risk of having them lose your magic belt when they make you take it off at the airport checkpoint, but I realized at least you would normally expect to get to the other side of the nakedscan device to pick it up. They probably would not let you take the sonic screwdriver as carry-on at all. On the third hand, I would not count on TSA noticing a small tactical nuke on a less than average day, so it’s kind of a wash…
I am no clothes horse, but I detest being stymied by the proliferation of “not user serviceable” technology. I believe the sonic screwdriver would help a lot with the later source of frustration. I also am willing to make a commitment if so required to not attempt to incorporate it into a pair of Sonic RayBan Wayfarers.
