Would you still love me if <inane hypothetical situation here>

You know the schtick: Girlfriend/wife (this tends to emanate from the female side) poses ridiculous hypothetical situation in order to ‘test’ your love, after which you instinctively say ‘yes dear’, or sleep on the couch. Which crazy setups have you heard/posed?

Here’s what I was faced with today: If I started growing younger by a year each day, would you still love me when I was two?

Yeesh…where does she come up with these?

I’ve heard of teenaged girls playing this game, but IMHO any mature woman who does this should be thrown back into the pond until she grows up.

I once had a boyfriend who liked to play a variant of the old “Does this make me look fat” thing. In his case the trick question was “Do I look bald?” This guy liked to spend half an hour twiddling his thinning hair in front of a mirror and then ask The Question. I finally got tired of playing and said “Yes, you do look bald. This is because you are bald.”

He never asked me The Question again.

Dear midget:

I hate to rain on your parade or insult your SO, but that’s the stupidest damned thing I have ever heard. “Would you love me if I was two?” Jeeeee-zus! Trade her in for a grownup.

She’s barely half-serious when she plays that ‘game’ (and I usually tell her that her questions are flat-out rediculous). We tend to end up laughing at whatever she comes up with. I know that’s not the case for many people, though, and I’m sure some of you have heard some great ones…

Would you still love me if I didn’t have any toes?
(Sign #573 I should have dumped her then)

My suggestion:

Next time she comes up with “Would you still love me if [whatever],” say “Hell, I don’t love you now, so why would I love you if [whatever]?” This will probably put an end to the games-playing.

I used to get this a lot from my ex. Her best one, though was this: If a house were on fire, and my entire family - and her - were inside, who would I try to save first? :smack:

Perhaps I date girly men, but I’ve had this sort of question a few times. Usually “If I was horribly injured, with no arms and no legs, and only have my head and brain and I couldn’t see or walk, would you still love me?”

I answered “Not if I was the one that put you in that state, no.” He didn’t ask again, FWIW.

My SO always asks if I would still love her if she were enormously fat. I bite the bullet and say yes. I would still love her. Would I still be physically attracted to her? I dunno.

My ‘special friend’ asked me last night if I would still love her if she lost all her limbs. I told her that it would make sex too much work for me and we’d have to stop seeing each other.

When we were dating, I once asked her if she’d still love me if I plumped up and she said that there would just be more of me to love in a delighted tone.

Had a girlfriend (who’s still a good friend) who would do these – usually half-joking (I hope).

Would you still love me if I gained 50 pounds?
Would you still love me if I were mutilated in an accident?
Would you still love me if I had warts all over my face?

all sorts of variations… I can’t remember most of them.

My standard response became (in a mock-serious tone): “I would love you more”.

Of course, she was really asking for it the day she tried this variation…
“Would you still love me if I died?”


Every day, darling. Every day.

Well, I don’t know about the other ones but this one sounds like it came from this novel.

‘Would you love me if I were only half as tall?’ I choked on my soda and coughed until he forgot I hadn’t answered. How could I know? Sure all the guys I’ve dated have been tall, but it’s not like I have a minimum required height. ‘You must be this tall to ride this ride.’

Psst! What kind of extra work? Like if she’d keep rolling off the bed? Velcro would fix that.

Legs wouldn’t get in the way, you wouldn’t get scratch marks on your back - sounds like something to work on to me…


I’ve had girlfriends do this to me in the past, and I think it’s just for the laugh value. Just like on long car trips with friends, you can do the “Would you rather…” to kill the time. I can’t imagine wanting to dump somebody for this. Talk about some tough love.

I would laugh at the question asked to the OP (besides, I love kids so I probably would still love her is she were 2), but I would be really irritated by this hypothetical. Generally speaking, I don’t like being asked about chosing between different people, and this hypothetical is putting the issue to the extreme. I would find the question quite offensive.

Or how about this response:
“Hmmm … Now that’s an idea …”

I would still love you just as much. But we’d probably have more sex!!